Food issues - losing the will!

[tazmo]

I have 3 kids - the two eldest have always been faddy eaters. But ds1 is better than dd2 and he generally has an okish diet ie at least will eat meat, cheese, some veg and fruit - but not good with other staples such as potato and pasta. I have a v demanding job and was really looking forward to ds1 having school dinners. Thought it would sort him out but noooooo - he's hardly eating a thing, got a note from the teacher saying they noticed he isn't eating much and he's getting upset and wanting pack lunches. Would you give in so soon? It's only been 3 weeks or so.

Now dd2 - she hardly eats a thing apart from crap! Her veg is in the form of smoothies or fruit rolls etc (ie pure fruit rolls etc) and will only eat bread, breaded chicken (tho a bit of progress with normal chicken - not all the time tho). Chips - but no other meat or staples. Will have petit fill us. I thought she would at least go back to what she used to eat like my ds1 but no - she seems actually scared to try new food. I'm at a total Los. I just get on with it so try to do the ignoring of behaviour etc - doctors not worried as they are putting on weight. But I've been at a low ebb and I can't cope with it all anymore. I feel I've tried everything the drs and health visitors have tried. Will it get better?

Luckily dd3 eats like a horse so at least we've got one right!!!!

Any positive stories out there? My son is looking thin and pale. Dd2 is looking ok despite being the worse one.

My sister and I were both fussy eaters - I grew out of it in my teens and now eat everything, my sister never grew out of it and is still very picky and her diet is v unbalanced - no fruit and v few veg. However her health is excellent despite this - she's had loads of blood tests and amazingly isn't deficient in anything!

I don't know if that is the kind of positive story you were looking for...

School dinners are generally pretty horrible as i recall so I wouldn't use those to persuade a fussy eater to expand their range. I'd let him have packed lunches - is he old enough to put them together himself? if so you could make that a condition.

Honestly having seen my mother stress about it with my sister to no avail, I'd say there isn't much you can do, so go with it and give them what they'll eat and maybe just ask if they would like a taste of yours every so often.

I grew out of it when I started going to friends houses as a teen and being embarrassed to say I didn't like x or y. Are your DC nearing that stage? peer pressure seems to have more effect than mum pressure basically!

Hi no the are 5, 3 and 1. Hoping they'll grow out of it : o ( - I love my food. I don't know why they don't!

Hi Tazmo, I can't offer any advice as I'm exactly the same boat as you! But it may make you feel better if someone else is also suffering. I have a 5 yo ds who eats quite well like yours, a 4yo dd who is becoming more picky over everything and is very controlling. At every meal time she says she doesn't like it, whatever I have made-even what she used to like. Now if given the choice she would only eat cheese, bread, breaded chicken or fins and chips -everything else is a battle tbh. I have had conflicting advice, some saying ignore her and let her go hungry, others saying insist she has some of her dinner as its important she gets a healthy diet. I've been battling every night with her to have a few mouthfuls and it involves the naughty step and about an hour of stress. We get there in the end but she is getting all this negative attention. My ds who is 2 is now the same as my dd and refuses to eat most things but I can't insist he eats as I can't punish him in the same way as he's too young.

I too am at my wits end and refuse to make them three separate meals just so they will all go to bed with some food in there stomachs. The only other thing I'm trying is cutting out all snacks, but that doesn't seem to be working either as they just seem more tired and miserable.

Any help gratefully received!

I have had conflicting advice, some saying ignore her and let her go hungry, others saying insist she has some of her dinner as its important she gets a healthy diet.

The one battle you will never win with a child is over what they will eat. When it gets to the point of you insisting anything you are on a downward spiral. Unless you are going to strap the child down and lever their mouth open, food is only going to pass their lips if they choose to allow it. They have to ultimate trump card.

The more stress a child experiences around food and eating, the less that child will want to eat. We've all experienced being too anxious to eat. Now imagine that happening at every mealtime while someone punishes you for not being able to eat. It is no way to live.

It is our job as parents to supply a healthy, balanced diet to our children. It is their job to choose from that food the items they will eat. It is not our job to decide what they should put in their mouths.

My advice would be to decide what you are willing to cook each day, ensuring that there is something available for each child that they find reasonably palatable. You put that food on the table and allow/support them to help themselves and to control their own portion size.

You then sit together, talking about other subjects and eating your own meals without commenting on what they are eating.

At the end of the meal clear away without comment, offer fruit/drink of milk/ whatever else you feel is appropriate unconditionally. It doesn't matter what the children have already eaten if it's healthy food.

Don't encourage, persuade, cajole, reward, praise and most definitely don't punish.

This isn't an instant cure. Children's anxiety about food takes a good long time to go away. The most important thing is that they start to feel more relaxed and in control. Eventually they will cotton on to the lack of pressure and attention to their eating habits, relax and start to enjoy the social aspect of mealtimes.

Even if the range of food they will eat doesn't increase dramatically or quickly, it shouldn't get more restricted and everyone should feel happier and more relaxed at mealtimes. When they feel ready to extend their diet or try out new foods there will be no pressure or stress preventing them from doing so.

If they need snacks make them healthy snacks then it doesn't matter if they eat less at the next mealtime.