5 year old DS behaviour - Help!

[missusmrs]

DS is 5 this weekend and after several weeks of tears and screaming I am at my wits end. I cry at least once if not twice a day in frustration, despair and anger, this morning climaxed when in his tantrum of not getting dressed and his rush to get down the stairs first he pushed Ds 2.5 out of the way and DS2 feel head first from half way down.

He started reception last week and is doing great – he attended school nursery last year so is used to the setting. I am aware this could have impacted hugely on him but his behaviour was like this way before now. He has no issues at school or childminder (2 days a week) in fact he is praised for his manners and politiness. He has a small group of friends (although shys away from playdates at ours – loves it at others but doesn’t want a party for birthday and will ignore classmates if we bump into them at park or out and about)

When he is good he is amazingly good – chatty, helpful, funny, engaging and affectionat but when his mood changes he becomes unbearable and tbh unlikeable. I can tell on waking which mood he is in and it close to impossible to change that mood for the day.

He has always being a challenging/over sensitive child and has issues over clothes as socks ‘hurt’, shoes hurt, he doesn’t want long trousers so he currently refuses to get dressed and I am man handling him into clothes and shoes every day and leaves house crying – he has forgotten about it all by the time we reach the gate! I work through all these things with him but his anger has escalated – he shouts/pushes/kicks, his social skills are not great – he can be ‘snarly’ and unpleasant at times – to me and others (only when I am there – no reports of this when I am not there).

I have a gem jar that was reactivated yesterday as was a new chart - so I hope to get some improvement in the next few days but Im starting to worry that its just not 'right' behaiour as well as hating myself for my own reactions - shouting, slamming things and horrible thoughts.

Any advice or similar situations would be gratefully appreciated as I truly feel I am loosing this battle and cant cope with much more….

My 5 year old is pretty horrid at the moment too, lots of tantrums and tears. I am hoping that it is the shock of going back to school as he enjoys playing at home. Have you read the book 'calmer easier happier parenting ' I find it really useful although does take a bit of effort. If you are concerned about social issues I would have a chat with school/child minder and see if they have concerns too. My 7 year old is currently being assessed following a referral by gp to a paediatrition because of lots of little concerns including social issues so we will see how it goes. School have been very supportive and set up a social learning group for him.

I could have written your post last year. I have a 6year old son who, from birth, has always been quite clingy, demanding , sensitive and more of a perma-whinger than a full-on tantrummer. And like you, I could tell from the moment he woke what sort of day it would be.
However, on the flip side he can be the loveliest, kindest, most thoughtful and funny wee boy... And that side is now becoming more of the norm (thank god!!!!).
But all last year, during his first school year, I felt I screamed, argued and almost began to resent him as he was just soooooooo difficult at times-it was like he had regressed to toddlerhood and couldn't take 'no' for an answer-he would just scream, kick, holler, make such a fuss and sometimes over such incredibly minor stuff-including clothes. He basically loves PJ bottoms and would live his entire life in them if he could.... So he couldn't understand what my problem was when I wanted him to wear some normal trousers...
I think part of it was school settling, part was just not getting enough of my attention-he has 2 younger sisters who often end up distracting me when I am trying my hardest to spend 'qualitytime' with him.... But I worked out if I even just spent 15mins completely devoted to concentrating on him after school, it made (occasionally) a wee bit of an improvemt in his behaviour, and even if it didn't... It lessened my guilt that it was all my fault!
Like you son he could be downright rude sometimes in company and I think it was his way of emotionally saying 'I really can't be arsed sharing you with anyone just now so I just wish they would BOG OFF!!!'. So I slowed down on the post-school activities as well which definitely helped.
I'm sure it's just an age thing, and hopefully , as has kinda happened with my boy, it will pass.
X

Thank you! After leaving the house for work in tears this morn, dh had a 'big' big boy chat and I came home to a different child! I'm now equipped with new reward charts-captain america/batman etc,he seems keen on gaining the stars and rewards/new rules etc....tomorrow as they say is another day! Thanks for replying its reassuring to know I'm not on my own.