dd (6) repeated behaviour - ignore or not

[muddyprints]

dp says im always nagging on at dd and should ignore a lot more than I do.
I agree that I am always on at her but I want her to be well behaved and know how to behave.

examples are; during dinner she rocks onto the back legs of her chair and then lifts her feet thudding into the table. when told to stop she starts again quite soon or just kicks her legs against the table.

every time she has a drink she asks her sister if she is going to have a drink too which we have asked her not to as her sister (2) fills her tummy with water too much. she also finishes her dinner and asks whats for pudding whilst sister is still eating, or asks if she can play out and then sister stops eating.

she puts a mouthful of drink in and swills it round, eats with her mouth open, puts her fork in her right hand and drops her knife, talks all the way through dinner and therefore eats very little then says dinner is too cold. or expects someone else to talk constantly and not eat.

she isn't that bothered about eating and her behaviour is at its worst at the table, nothing major, just lots of annoying things.

ive tried ignoring but she does whatever it is over and over and over until im ready to scream and I get indigestion.

some of the things you really need to let go of she is just looking out for her sister and being kind to her asking if she wants a drink , but she needs to sit still not sswing on her chair and eat her dinner tell her pudding will be when everybody is finished, if you realy want her to eat her dinner dont let her mess about with her drink I know it is annoying but she seems like a normal but annoying 6 year old, set some rules about talking over dinner it is nice to chat though

it is nice to chat and I will start a few conversations but then dd1 just talks and talks and talks and does not eat.
I need to ignore some of it but I think she knows what annoys us so she does it more on purpose.

during dinner she rocks onto the back legs of her chair and then lifts her feet thudding into the table. when told to stop she starts again quite soon or just kicks her legs against the table.

Ask her to put her chair legs on the ground. If she does it again issue a warning. If she does it again tell her to leave the table. Obviously make sure you have explained that this will happen before the first occasion. She will very quickly learn not to rock on her chair.

every time she has a drink she asks her sister if she is going to have a drink too which we have asked her not to as her sister (2) fills her tummy with water too much. she also finishes her dinner and asks whats for pudding whilst sister is still eating, or asks if she can play out and then sister stops eating.

Her sister's behaviour is not her responsibility. It is up to you to teach both of your children how to behave at the table, how much to eat, etc. They cannot be made responsible for each other's behaviour. If her sister stops eating, wanting dessert or to get down simply explain that she needs to finish her meal first. If she's old enough to understand what her sister is talking about she's old enough to understand that she can get down when she's finished eating.

she puts a mouthful of drink in and swills it round, eats with her mouth open, puts her fork in her right hand and drops her knife, talks all the way through dinner and therefore eats very little then says dinner is too cold. or expects someone else to talk constantly and not eat.

This sounds like normal behaviour for a 6 YO. She's using cutlery and being sociable. Remind her to eat, to swallow with her mouth closed and how you would like her to hold her cutlery. If she talks instead of eating and her food goes cold she can either choose to eat it or leave the table.

You need to let some things go and allow her to learn from the natural consequences of others. Getting wound up to the point of indigestion is way over the top for such small transgressions.

Your DH is right. You need to get this behaviour in perspective, praise her when she's doing things you like and start enjoying your DD. One day she won't want to chat away to you throughout the meal and you'll be sad that she's growing up and away from you.

thank you gold, I do want to enjoy being with her, she is a lovely delightful child and it makes me sad that I struggle to deal with her behaviour sometimes.
I know se isn't responsible for her sisters behaviour, but when dd2 is eating happily and then stops because dd1 has asked for pudding it annoys me as I know dd2 will then be hungry later.
yes the swilling of water and cutlery isn't a big deal and I should ignore and praise what she can do.
the rocking Is the worst thing as it bumps the table, spills drinks and she has fallen off several time here and at school being a fidget, maybe I should crack down on that.
I do get indigestion, every time I put in a mouthful I am knocked or she is asking me for more drink after guzzling it quickly, I need to chill

Some children really need to move.

explains why.

Maybe a small inflatable cushion like this one might help her to sit still. Ours really helped my DD2 to sit still at the table. It might help your DD1 to concentrate better on eating, stay at the table longer and also to wait more patiently while others are eating.