Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Help 4.5 year old making friends

4 replies

azzurra · 04/09/2013 03:21

DS is very sociable. He has been in nursery full time since he was 2 year old. He has never had any reported problems socialising but there has never been a special friend. He is an only child. Cousins live far away. We occasionally see some friends with children but most week-ends and holidays are spent within the family i.e. mum and dad. When we go to the park DS tries to play with other children. He is not clingy or shy. He goes out there and tries his luck. Inevitably he is not always successful especially when he "targets" older children. Until now I have avoided offering help or tips on how to make friends thinking that it would be best if he worked it out himself. After today I am starting to think that I may be expecting too much from a 4.5 yrs old. Today we went to the park, my son approached some children who looked a bit older than him. They all run around together for a bit but then the other children went off to do other things. DS and I played together for a while and then he saw one of the boys he had been playing with and went off again. I heard him saying "hello I am the same boy you had been playing with before" which did not cut any ice with the other boy. I tried to suggest that the other boy may prefer to play on his own but DS would not hear of it. I went up to him again after a good 10 minutes of watching him following this boy around. He broke out in tears and I felt terrible. Clearly he could not understand why the boy did not want to play with him any longer and that following him around was not going to help. On other occasions I had seen him going out of his way to try and please some older children with very scarce results. I know I need to say something to him and I did sort of start tonight before bedtime, but it did not sound too convincing even to me! Help please!! Thanks

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
beachesandbuckets · 04/09/2013 04:04

Is your ds at school yet? My ds, 5, sounds very similar to yours and last year developed hero worship of an 8 year old boy who lives opposite us. When we had said 8 year old over to play with his younger brother (him being the same age as ds), my ds wld not leave 8 year old alone, was eager for his attention, ignore the younger brother, told 8 year old he was his best friend, and I even saw him put his head on the shoulder of 8 year old and try to kiss him and told him he loved him!!! He didn't really understand the social rules, althoug luckily 8 year old is a lovely lad and didn't ridicule him. I think he just felt that this is how - showed him affection and that I liked him, so emulated it with boy.

Fast fw a year, my ds has made a whole bunch of new pals, boys and girls, at school. Despite being quite a sensitive lad, he seems really popular. I helped him on his way by having a big 5th bday in which we invited most of his class to a village hall (so still cheap) and he has therefore been invited back to every kids party, arranging lots of playdates, and being sociable in the school playground with other mums at drop and pick up, so he wld emulate me. It seems to have worked.

He still idolises boy opposite tho, although now in a more socially appropriate manner!!

CreatureRetorts · 04/09/2013 08:49

Does he mention any nursery friends? Has he started school?

If he has mentioned friends, why not approach the parents and suggest a playdate? That's how my ds has made friends - by one on one play with one or two kids, not by approaching kids in a park. Maybe when older but he's just an annoying (nearly) 4 year old to them Grin

beachesandbuckets · 04/09/2013 09:01

Also my son didn't have a 'best friend' at nursery, the girls he was with were really friendly, but the boys (and their parents) less so. I was a bit worried about this at the time.

At school however he has made a couple of 'special' friends who he wld describe as best friends but it is still quite fluid at this stage, one day someone is in favour, next day they have fallen out, he seems to like to play with both boys and girls equally. I have arranged lots of playdates this year (despite being pregnant and working, needs must eh!) so he can have special bonding time with one child individually, show them his house/bedroom/toys etc and sometimes cook them tea and this has been reciprocated which has built my son's confidence, social skills and independence. Good luck! X

azzurra · 04/09/2013 18:37

Thanks for all your suggestions. My son has just started school today. I was worried but he went in happily and was still smiling when I went to pick him up. I guess the "secret recipe" is lots of playdates.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page