Behaviour nightmare

[Wearehamandcheese]

I've NC'd for this so if you recognise me please don't say anything. My dd is 7 and currently an absolute nightmare. She refuses to do anything she's told and kicks off every time dh and I try to tell her off. She point blank refuses to do time outs much preferring to scream shout and throw things at us for hours at a time. Nothing works. Time outs, toy confiscation , not being allowed to go out. Nothing. I've lost count of how many days out we have had to cancel because she has behaved so badly and doesn't deserve to go. Every little thing is met with a whine or fifty questions as to why she has to do it. She winds up her sister in the hope we will be to busy sorting her out to notice she's doing something she shouldn't. We always so our best to make time for her. We take her out on her own , we treat her , and we snuggle up for cuddles etc after dd2 has gone to bed.

It doesn't matter what we try she will just not do what she is told or accept the word no. She's well behaved and a delight to teach according to her teachers so she an behave she just chooses not to.

I realise how negative this all sounds so I will add that she's smart and beautiful and funny and a great big sister when she chooses to be and I am so proud of how well she is doing and how kind towards others she can be. I just can't deal with this awful behaviour any more.

So any ideas outside all the stuff we have tried, reward charts, time outs, sent to bedroom, pasta jars, ignoring , etc will be gratefully received.

Thank you

Well that's a relief at least, I can't handle ten more years if this. She was such an easy baby and toddler. She eats well sleeps well (most of the time) and there has never ever been any problems with at school or at parties or at her sports class she does at the weekend. She hasn't fitted any of the above conditions from what I have read about them but that's not always a given I guess.

I did worry that she might be easily distracted but whenever I have spoken to teachers they have assured me that she does exactly what she is supposed to do and doesn't let others distract her from the task in hand.

I am hoping that this latest outburst is mainly down to end of holiday boredom. Not that that's an excuse but she's like a caged animal if she doesn't get enough exercise :o and as we have had to stay in waiting for deliveries and sorting the house for past few days she has gone a bit nuts i believe. If it doesn't improve once she's back at school I'm going to have to request some kind of hormone check or something with the drs. As the pp said it has to be done before she hits the teenage years or I'm in trouble.

I may well be wrong, other people have suggested other possibilities which I will continue to look into as I owe it to her to help her as best I can and that involves getting her medically checked out. Although I tried once before and they weren't interested. But, I do believe this is her choice to be doing this. I just don't know why. It's almost as if she just wants to play the victim all the time.

I had another thought. Whilst attachment disorders are rare, attachment issues can cause difficulties like this. Could it be related to attachment?

It's really hard to advise you over the Internet!

Well I did just look and it's definitely not that. She's only ever been looked free by close friends and family and teachers at school and Pre school and has never had any problems :)

She's a mystery is my dd. :) nothing fits.

I know it's awful but I came on the boards this evening because I have had an awful day with my stroppy 4 year old daughter. It was her first day at school so trying to cut her some slack but she is explosive and angry a lot of the time and sounds very similar to your daughter, always lovely with other people and teachers but vile to us, her parents. It's heartbreaking as she is so loved but clearly feels angry about her one year old sister. Has definitely found it unsettling and I really hope she grows out of it. Stay positive, I really like the idea of the marbles and breaking up the day - will give it a go.x

Sorry to hear that lit I guess today was a big day for your dd. They have never had to behave for so long as they do at school. I think at four its alot easier to deal with. Young enough for pasta/marble jars and time outs to work and everything's fixable with a snacks and cartoons x

I hope tomorrow is better for you. :)

What i have done with dc2 is to just send him to his room to calm down. o punishment as such (sanction, time out or whatever), just the request he goes in his bedroom and only comes out when he feels he has calmed down.

Sanctions or time out were making him even more grumpy and irritable and tbh had the opposite effects.

I am not saying he is an angel now, but it has become much easier to deal with because there is no more will battle involved iyswim.

Just remembered after a rather difficult weekend with ds, I took him to the docs, explained his behaviour and asked him to check ds over. Turned out ds had acute toncilitis but as he doesn't like medicine preferred to struggle on alone, eating and feeling like crap which came out as impossible to be around!

Doc told him off for not saying anything and hinted I should have realised. I should maybe, but ds kept saying he was fine, being ok for a while then descending into mayhem. After the dreaded medicine he was fine.

Well we had a bit of a chat last night, she said she doesn't know why she does it but she realises it doesn't get her anywhere

She's not worried about anything or nervous. Nothing's been said to her at school and she claims she's perfectly happy. She hasn't had any headaches or upset stomachs , isn't hungry, or tired in fact she feels really good.

She hasn't been eating huge amounts lately though. But I think that's because she had a growth spurt ate loads and now it's settled down again.

Back to school this week so hopefully the strict routine and extra mental stimulation will help. I will give it a week, and I will keep note of what she eats too just in case I missed something. I'm intrigued by the orange food thing. We do eat loads of carrots, squash, sweet potato.......