baby will only feed to sleep

[CONFUSEDmum81]

Hi i'm completely new to this but really need some help i feel im reaching the end of my tether!! My son Lucas is 6 months on friday and will absolutely refuse to sleep without me feeding him. This wouldn't be a problem if i fed him and he went to sleep for a gd few hours but he wakes every 1-2 hrs and has done since birth. He sometimes self soothes but very rarely. I try singing him back to sleep but he only stays asleep for about 10mins. My husband also tried rocking him to sleep instead of me going in and he just screams the place down,we tried that for a week. Ive been breast feeding from only one breast as after a month the other one dried up so last week ive put him on formula in the day and started weaning to try and fill him up so far its not making a difference! I know what most people will say and thats let him cry to sleep but i REALLY don't want to do that. I just want to know if you think he will grow out of this habit by himself? Its not his fault its all my fault for cuddling and feeding him too much i just don't know what to do.

You're not 'at fault'. You can't cuddle your baby too much - nor bf too much!
I see you and your husband are 'going in to him' - could you have him in with you? It's so much easier to just bf back to sleep without either of you properly waking up.
Milk is more calorific than any solids he can eat at 6 months, so weaning is unlikely to help.
Both of mine woke frequently. People around me considered it a 'sleep problem' but it's really just normal human baby behaviour.
I stopped expecting long stretches of sleep, then I gave up even hoping! I think otherwise I would have driven myself mad obsessing over how much sleep I wasn't getting.
@-}--

Thank you for replying yes he slept in with us for the first 3 and a half months of his life but i moved him to his own room because i thought he could just smell my milk and thats what triggered him to wake. Ive been to see a health visitor today who was lovely and helpful and she suggested control crying which i thought stupidly that it meant letting them cry in their cot for ages but she explained what it was and she said it would work after 3 nights. I know it will be hard but i really have to do something!

I forgot to say that he'll sleep in his pram so i walk for hours a day and that also he's in a routine at night time and that doesn't seem to help!

I'm trying to break this routine with my 16 week old boy. He would feed to sleep night and day. Then he stopped doing it in the day and was becoming overtired/grumpy etc.

I'm just working on it by day. Junior will sleep sometimes in pram (not always) and usually in sling if moving. So I've done lots of miles too.

I spoke to my health visitor who suggested trying to break the feed to sleep routine by day and then hopefully by night it will gently follow.

I'm using a bouncy chair by his cot ( so he knows this room is for sleep). I make sure he is dry and not hungry. I watch for tired signs (looking vacant, yawning, eye rubbing). Then we do a story, into chair, blanket on. He does cry but I reassure him, bounce him gently, shhhh and pat him.

Only being doing it a couple of days. Sometimes it takes half an hour to nap sometimes 5 minutes.

I asked health visitor about it ( because I wasn't up for controlled crying) - she said they will cry but that's their normal response to change. She said as long as you are there with them, they will learn to trust the new routines.

My wee boy's cries are tired cries and they rise and fall quite quickly. If they kept rising and he was getting properly upset I'd get him out and calm him down. Health visitor also said if you've been trying an hour with no sleep wee one might go past tired stage and be ready for feed. In which case just do it.

Once I get him to settle into napping in the day I'll then try at night - so rather than let him fall asleep on boob take him off when he's stopped feeding properly and put him in cot drowsy. Then shhhh /pat to sleep.

I know I'll then need to shift naps to cot and break bouncy chair habit but I think that'll be easier than breaking feed to sleep habit.

At night time I'm doing routine of bath, stories, feed. When I think he's ready we'll swap feed and stories around.

It's all really hard and I hate seeing wee one cry but I feel better about it since speaking to health visitor. Crying is only way he can express things so its not cruel to let him. He knows I'm there and with him.

I hope something works for you!

Would you consider using a dummy for bedtime?
I was against them to begin with, but DS is almost 5 months and now fights his sleep, a dummy seems to have magic powers and knocks him straight out. :)

I still feed him to sleep myself, but it's more a comfort thing, so occasionally I will swap the boob for the dummy and it does the same job. Once he's flat out I will remove the dummy so he doesn't wake up with it.

It also helps him sleep through, DS would have a 4 hour sleep, then wake up every 1-2 hours after that, I would automatically pop him on the boob each time. Again, I came to realise I was feeding him for comfort, not for food. Now when I hear the grumbles I'll quickly pop the dummy in, pat his tummy or stroke his forehead and he'll go straight off again. If he takes a while to settle however, I will feed him.

Hi yes he does have one at night but it doesn't help at all with making him sleep longer he just likes it after he's fed! Thank you for your help though. Im going to do control crying tonight which im dreading but really need to do it.

Don't do controlled crying! I think EmmaLL25 your advice is good. I think you need to work on what is happening during the day before night. How many milk feeds is he on? Make sure these are structure eg 3-4 milk feeds between 7am-7pm and space then so that they are NEVER before a nap time otherwise the signal you give for sleep is milk! Dedicate a week if you can to nailing the day time naps. Watch for tired cues then begin your routine for winding down to nap (keep this the same each day). Leave the room with him awake, he will cry but wait 60 seconds (you are still being responsive bit not rescuing too soon). Stay with him (don't pick up) for 60 secs shhhushing then leave again and repeat. This may take repeated returns over an hour and a half of trying (for the whole of what should have been the nap) but be persistent. The aim is to have him fall asleep without you but with him trusting you will still return when needed. Once on 3 meals a day. Don't feed at night when waking. There is no reason to give this milk as all of his calorific requirements will be gained during the day.

16 weeks is far too little for sleep training!! My ds is 9 months and a bit young!!

Set up good sleep associations - bath, milk, radio/Ewan the dream sheep/mobile, as dark as you can. Do this at the same time each evening, mine is ready about 6 and conks out at 7ish.

Once that's established, read up on all the different methods and work out what suits you. We've mixed controlled crying with gradual retreat, so after 5 minutes i go back, lay him down and hold his hand. If he starts up, i give it 10 minutes then try again. But that's what works for us, yours will be different.

There are massive growth spurts at 4, 6 and 8-9 months. You may well be wasting your time until the big developmental stuff is out of the way. I've tried various things, but this time it's been easy (night 3 and he was asleep in 15 minutes)

It's hell. But it's such a short period compared to a lifetime of parenthood. And the first time you go in of a morning and they're standing up grinning in the cot saying Mumum is pretty awesome :o

After 6 months of waking 5 times a night i finally got a whole nights sleep! We began controlled crying on wednesday coz i was absolutely desperate for sleep i was against cc but was at the end of my tether. Wednesday was awful,baby cried for an hr,slept for 2hrs,cried for 1hr 10mins,slept for 2hrs then woke for only 15mins! The 2nd night i was dreading but he woke every 2hrs but hardly cried and i just shushed him bk to sleep,then last night was amazing he slept from 7-5.30 with just a few seconds cry at 12.30! I know cc isn't for everyone but if u really are at your witts end then i highly recommend it. We never left him for more than 5mins and twice i even held his hand as he went to sleep. It wasn't half as bad as i thought it would be and im a really softy!

I'm so pleased it worked for you. We are considering doing the same soon for our DD.

She is 5.5 mo and previously was sleeping through from about 2mo however in the last few months she has started waking up 1-3 times per night and needs feeding to sleep. This can take up to 1.5 hours as she wakes up the second I try and slip my nipple out of her mouth. I repeat the sneaky nipple slide up to 20 times before she stops waking up.

We've tried a dummy but she just spits it out. I don't think she is actually feeding rather comfort sucking.

My nipples are sore and I'm getting super fed up. The only thing holding us back from trying CC sooner is a holiday to USA planned next month.
If we try it now does it mean we will have to do all over again when we get back from hols?

Hi we're off to Cornwall on friday for a week so we are a bit concerned about that but what im gonna do is take some of his teddys down for in his travel cot and make it as homely as possible for him. Also if he does wake in the night like he does sometimes here(only once a night) then i just shush him back to sleep. I can let you know how we get on if you like? I would say do it though coz you have a month to instil it in to him so i expect the habit will be broken by then.

Good luck with Cornwall! May the undisturbed non-boob sleep continue.

I'm thinking that we might start by instilling some sort of daytime nap schedule first ( currently only able to guarantee sling sleep) and then work on nights.

Good idea about the home comforts, might be a good idea to introduce some toys into her cot. She's so far not showed any interest in soft toys.

Its not your fault at all. However, I know how you feel. My DD was the same, up every 2 hours at 6mo. I felt rubbish as all my friends babies were sleeping through! We cosleep with our DD, and same as you, I wasn't prepared to leave her cry despite my HV being very forceful about controlled crying

Now, at 11mo she sometimes sleeps though (although usually till 5am when she wants a feed then sleep till 6-7) most of the time she wakes once, has a quick feed then sleeps till 6-7.

I know shes still waking, my friends are horrified that I'm happy with one wake, however, I think it's great.

My gut feeling is try to keep going as you are, she will get better. I know how hard and disheartening it is.