Very dreamy, distracted 5 year old boy

[thedreamersmother]

My DS, newly 5, is an incredibly distracted child. This is not a new thing - he has always been like this, but now he is at school it is more of a problem. He met all developmental milestones, and is really very bright academically (sorry, I know we all think that abut our children but it's relevant in so far as even when he appears to have paid no attention whatsoever, it still all seems to go in, and he is ahead of where he'd be expected to be in reading, and probably 2/3 years ahead in maths). But my goodness, he is on another planet. Sometimes (often) I will ask him a question and he will simply ignore me (I genuinely think that he doesn't hear, although here are no issues with his hearing, he's just in is own little world). He is the same when we are out and about - if I introduce him to someone, it's less common for him to say hello than it is for him to just ignore them. He is definitely an introvert and does struggle a little with friendships with other children, but probably does just well enough for this not to be a major concern (i.e. although he is not the life and soul of the party, he has, in each of the childcare / educational settings which he has been in, made one or two very good friends whom he has grown fond of and formed close relationships with).

He has just started at a new school, and again the teacher has spoken to me about him seeming to "drift off". I just don't know what I can do about this. He has a very good concentration span for the things he is interested in, and I suspect that even when he appears to have drifted off, he is paying more attention than the teacher thinks. She said that as he was very young for the class it wasn't a big issue, but he's not growing out of it and at some point it will be a bigger issue. To give the full story, I was concerned enough in reception, following a teacher conference, to ask the teacher to involve an ed psych. He was duly observed / light-touch assessed and I had a long chat with the ed psych, who seemed sensible and whose opinion I respected. Ultimately her conclusion was that it was just him - she said she saw no signs of e.g. ASD (I don't really either, other than his level of detachment in situations other than those where he is fully engaged on a 1-1 / small group basis), and nothing further was done.

Maybe it is just him and I should accept this and do nothing - but if so, why do his teachers keep bringing it up (he is not in any way disruptive, just an extreme daydreamer)? Any advice would be welcome.

I've got no advice sorry just thought that you might want to ask MNHQ to move this thread to primary education. There seems to be a couple of teachers who hang around in there and they might have experience.

How is he at sports etc? Does he fidget a lot? Easy distraction can be a sign of sensory processing disorder which does not affect intelligence.

It is actually very common, especially in boys. My brother was very like it and I have taught quite a few. ( I often think of them as absent minded professors).
I think that you have done as much as you can for the moment and the ed psych seemed sensible.
He is probably living a different life in his head.
I would just tell the teacher that you are concerned and ask her to monitor it. Try and explain that there are some things he needs to do for politeness- e.g say 'hello' or answer people if they speak to him.

You could have described my ds although his teachers are very accepting of how he is. As pp said, a diagnosis isn't necessarily needed. Academically he is doing well and he has made friends. Is it only brought up at parents eve etc? If so it could me more an observation than anything else. If they are making more of an issue I would be asking them if it is really a problem and mention the ed psychs comments.

My DD2 has AS (not saying your DS does) and find the sensory environment of the classroom quite overwhelming. One of her self-defence mechanisms is to 'zone out' when she's been given a task and can't concentrate sufficiently to complete it. It drove her class teacher in Y3 to distraction because she didn't write anything unless someone was sitting reminding her to concentrate.

A quieter environment, more space around her, no strong smells/bright lights, etc made it much easier for her to concentrate and reduced the zoning out significantly.

Is this a case of square peg, round hole? He sounds absolutely lovely to me and seems to be doing well, but the concern is simply that he doesn't tick the boxes for 'normal' (whatever that means).

He reminds me of myself at that age, dreamy and distracted, but very bright. Shy and had difficulty engaging in social situations, but fine 1on1 and 1 or 2 close friends.

I think in a situation like that it's not really fair to expect the child to change, but rather it would be helpful to look at what the school can do to help create a situation in which he can thrive.

Thanks for all of your responses. On balance I think that, as rreaow suggests, it is a square peg thing. He is definitely not a run of the mill 5 year old boy. But he is doing well academically, and is happy socially (he doesn't have any desire to be a 'popular kid' - one close friend at a time is enough for him to be happy.

To be clear, I didn't post looking for a diagnosis (I don't really think there is one to be had, he gets along fine on a day to day basis, albeit that his head is in the clouds much of the time), just to see if anyone had any suggestions or strategies or advice that might help.

exoticfruits, I am glad to hear that he is not the only one. Actually, once I read your post I started to realise that our family is full of perfectly functional / very successful (in scientific roles) absent minded professor types. I'd been looking at this as more of a childhood issue but its probably a genetic personality trait.

theironfist he is not a typically sporty boy at all. He is simply not interested in and shows no aptitude for team / ball sports (we have tried football, golf and similar but they are not his bag at all). However he has been able to ride a bike unaided since before his 4th birthday, enjoys a gymnastic class he attends (does sometimes have to be reminded to concentrate), was quite decent at ice skating when we took him last year, and generally seems well enough coordinated. He doesn't really fidget all that much, no more than most boys of his age. He will, e.g., sit quietly through a film at the cinema, loves being read to (long stories / chapter books etc) and doesn't move during story time at all.

fruitpastille, yes it has only really been brought up at parents evenings, teachers haven't been going out of their way to contact me about it. His new teacher (new school) mentioned it yesterday when I sought her out to ask how he was settling in (and it was mentioned in the context of her saying that he was doing fine, but...). It's just that I have heard this at every parents evening since nursery, and I was beginning to wonder if there was some action I should be taking. I think though I'll just leave it for now, and accept it as part of how he is, unless it starts creating issues. And rreow yes, he is the loveliest, most gentle, caring and intelligent little boy I could have wished for, just a little different to your average 5 year old!

He sounds lovely to me!
He is doing well academically and is happy socially- sounds fine.