Looking for advice on how to change this

[Ledkr]

I'm not quite sure if ill be able to put this into words but I'm really struggling with my dd.
She's 2.6 and has not been the easiest baby.
Born with a cleft palate and reflux she didn't sleep well until quite recently and is just generally high need.
She is my 5th child but dh's first (and only) we share childcare and he dotes on her giving her his full on attention for much of the time (possibly the issue)
The problem now is that from the minute she wakes up she demands constant attention and is incapable of amusing herself for even a second.
It's as if she has to engage me constantly.im at the stage where I dread being with her alone in the house.
This morning I just had to go out, I had things to do but was planning to do them later but just upped and left before I exploded.
So for example today it's been like this.
Breakfast, winges demands to be fed etc, then get dressed (wants to wear big thick jumper etc changing shoes clothes etc. I'm literally sweating trying to negotiate her.
Finally dressed then downstairs, I just need to do one it two thi ha so she literally uses anything to get my attention, screaming "mummy" over and over. I try several times to set her up with play dough, games etc a d explain we are going out soon I just need to do this.
So more screaming then starts to be destructive (she's pulled all my kitchen drawer fronts off) kicking cupboards tipping bin over then upstairs to spoil her sisters games, I just got up and went out.
I had to go to pick up a school skirt but she licks off about going in the car seat, then won't go on the buggy, then won't walk nicely keeps running off.
I know I sound like a pushover crap mum but remember I've had four others and don't remember this.
She is s
Very strong and will literally scream for hours.
She walked early, brushed off surgery, did somersaults on a trampoline at 14 months, swims now complete unaided and can do hand stands with ease.
She has glue ear and slight hearing loss with communication difficulties.
Sorry it's all a bit jumbled up but I wanted to give as much info as possible.
Can anyone suggest where I start?
I'm so desperate that I am considering working full time just to be away from it all.
We went to a theme park yesterday and she was delightfull all day as she was being occupied but I can't do that everyday.
Help

She has lots of toys a nice garden with fab play equipment and a playroom. She plays with none of this unless one if us is with her.

Much sympathies, no advice at all as you ave so much more experience than me, but... Ds and dd were high main fence like this, and on occasion I still can't hav ea wee on my own and they are 3 and 6. It is much better now. Hug...

Bump.
Help. It's not been much better today!!

I do t know if its worth speaking to her doctor about this. Might be coincidence with me when I was little but I had problems with my ears and along with some other issues (sleep related) my DM mentioned my random 'naughty' behaviour. He said some ear conditions can cause such behaviour ie frustration and lashing out. I had my adenoids removed at 3.5 and apparently the change was almost instant.

I don't see how that helps with the need for attention but might be a long shot worth asking about...

Thank you. I have heard that before but not chased it up much.
I'm definitely going to contact her drs she is under the cleft team which consists of lots of different specialists.
I feel broken by her at times.

I feel for you. She sounds similar to how my DS was.
Only advice I can give is to get out as much as possible. Anywhere. It was hard work getting motivated some days but saved my sanity.
We did park on nice days and play centres, shopping centres on bad weather days.

Incidentally, he was referred to SALT at 2.5, had some speech therapy at 3. She referred him to ENT and turned out he had glue ear, massive tonsils and adenoids (which were causing some sleep apnoea) which he had removed at 3.10.

His sleep is better quality and he seems less tired in the day so there has been an improvement in his behaviour. Less if the random 'naughty' incidents. I would definitely contact the docs as it's worth getting them checked out!

Good luck!!!

Hope today is a better day for you OP.

Both of mine have been high maintenance but it has turned out they have SN
regardless of that I would pick your battles carefully for your own sanity
eg- clothes. Her being too hot/cold in unsuitable clothes is a much more powerful message than you arguing/reasoning with her
I let my strongwilled DD wear what she wants- let her get wet if she refuses to wear a coat
If it isnt dangerous/damaging/hurting I let much more go than I ever planned to

Thankyou. Lovely to have some messages to get through the day!
She has been better so far. She had an early night which seems to help a lot