HELP!!!!! Sleep issues....don't know where to turn!

[hildainstant]

I'm getting desperate now......my ds is now 6.5 mo. About 2 months ago we went cold turkey on the dummy - I know some of you will think this is harsh but he has such a weak suck that the dummy constantly fell out prolonging any kind of upset my little fella was feeling, including when he was trying to sleep. I'd have to go into him 7-10 times a night just popping the dummy back in and we were all exhausted and he was not a happy chappy. 2 days later it was as if he never had it and was sleeping through from 7-6.....I felt a new woman and any guilt I felt for taking the dummy away melted away.

Roll on 2 months - daytime is great, no problem getting his naps. Bed time is great and he goes to sleep fine with no dummy. Sometimes I do cuddle him to sleep but always put him down while he's still 'just' awake. The problems start at about midnight when he wakes. A bottle will settle him but I know it's not hunger. My worry here is that he'll become dependent on it getting him back to sleep and I'll still be feeding him during the night when he's 15!!! So, I've started giving him water instead of milk and he just sips on that quite happily (which kind of proves its not hunger waking him). Sometimes I relent and give him some milk and it does stop the crying a little while after and he eventually goes back to sleep so that gets me confused again....is it hunger???

Most of the time when I pick him up, he continues crying so that leads me to think that pickup/ put down wont work. He only really stops if I end up bringing him in with me to sleep....bad, I know and not a habit I want to get into.

This happens 2-3 times a night and I'm awake a good hour or so each time. He's wide awake and not happily so and just cries.

I have a 3yo and never had these problems as he loved a dummy. If he woke I'd simply pop it back in and all was calm again and sleep was restored!!

So, in short - how do I promote sound solid sleep in a 6.5mo who doesn't have a dummy, doesn't need milk (but its the only thing that stops him crying) and won't stop crying with cuddles unless he's in bed with me.....both bad habits I want to nip in the bud!!

I'm exhausted and I worry I'll wake my 3yo so won't leave him crying for prolonged periods as my life wouldn't be worth living!!

Oh. And I have a hubby who works shifts and is as useless S a chocolate fire guard if hes at home at night so dealing with this on my own!!

HELP...........

I've got the same problem.....apparently weaning can disrupt their sleep? Currently planning on how to do this...I always think he's not eating enough and he won't take the four bottles in the day...is he weaning?

Well I'll prob get shot down but I would say do controlled crying. I ended up doing it with all 3 of mine and should have done it sooner with DS3 as it sorted him right out. He was awake but not really knowing what he wanted for months. After 3 nights max of cc at 11 mths, he sleeps all night, every night and I could see I should have done it sooner. And I co-slept before that and all sorts. And he is the happiest, most joyful little soul you could meet at 20 mths, so it doesn't appear to have damaged him!

Thanks eisbaer. Can you describe the cc to me please - is it leave for 5 mins, leave for 10 mins and so on?

Think I'm going to have to do something, I'm just worried the whole house will be up!!

How do you know he's not hungry or that he doesn't need a bottle? [Smile]. They have a massive growth spurt at around 6 months and there is also a developmental leap at around 26 weeks that can disrupt sleep. You feed your baby and he then sleeps? Sounds like hunger to me

How much formula is he having in the day and how many times do you offer solids? Giving him milk at 28 weeks does not mean that you will be feeding him at 15 . He is so young still and the milk seems to work. Is he very tall by any chance? Tall babies often need more milk.

I can also understand why he cries until you bring him into bed with you. Its not a bad habit, doesn't mean its forever, and lots of parents do it. Could you just look on it a simple way to get you all back to sleep? I never intended to put my DC in bed with us, but soon realised it was the only way we could all get some sleep. They are older now, happily went into their own beds, in fact they love their beds and sleep. It was for such a short time really and we all slept better.

If you do want to make changes, have a look at the isis website. Its got some good information on normal infant keep and is a good place to start.

Have you read 31 ways to get your baby to sleep and stay asleep? See if you can get hold of Sound Sleep by Sarah Woodhouse, its really very good.

There s a big difference in doing cc at 6 months and doing it at 11 months though eis.

I really feel for you. I have always been very lucky with my 2. However this could have something to do with doing controlled crying from quite an early age. My health visitor told me when my first baby was just 3 months that they are very clever even at that age and if its very jmportant for you as a mum to get sleep then cc is a very good way to make them understand night time is night time. When they were very young they would go down at 7 quite happily and like you it wasn't untill about midnight he would wake so just before I used to go to bed at 10 I'd give him a bottle and check his nappy (he would barely even wake up but at least I knew he wasn't hungry). Then if he woke at all in the night I would go to him and comfort him but not pick him up, id comfort him in his cot. Then I'd return every 10 minutes if he continued to cry. It absolutely breaks your heart hearing them cry. But they are very clever and a happy mummy (ie a good nights sleep) is much better for them in the day. It really does work very quickly .
Hope baby settles for you soon

Oh and also I don't know if you have tried it but I also had one of those vtech musical things attached to the cot. This would detect a baby crying and automatically turn on. It would play lovely soft music and project little pictures on the ceiling. My babies loved this and I found sometimes when they woke in the night they learnt to turn it on with a big wimper then they'd return back to sleep with me not going in the room at all.

Your HV suggested a 3 month old is manipulating you and doesn't need night feeds, at 12 weeks! Jeez.

If the milk at night works, I'd be inclined to let him have it. I'd rather be up for 20 minutes then go back to sleep for rest if night. Ds would often wake up and although I don't think he woke up because he was hungry, once he woke up he'd realise he was a little peckish. At 6 months he was still having 2 bottles at night. Dropped to one about 7 months.

Ok so shoot me down if u wish but I am a firm believer in controlled crying my only advice would be to do it when your husband is off work for a few days and as a family you have nothing planned,that way if you are all knackered the next day it doesn't matter so much.

Agree lucy that cc can work for some, but its rather a blunt tool and doesn't always work. For instance we tried it when our DS was around 12 months and it simply didn't work. Its fine if the OP wants to do it, but personally I like to know all the alternatives and read up on the evidence before I make a choice.

I left for one min, went in, left for 2 mins, went in, left for 3 mins went in then up to 10 mins then went in every ten mins. Maybe too small at 6 mths but then my DS started his night-faffing-not-needing-fed-but-waking round about then. I tried all the gentler methods for the months Inbetween. Just really do think could have done it then and nipped it in bud before he could stand up etc, say your name etc, I was just determined to try a gentler approach with him and nothing else worked, and boy did it work. Up to you though. Need to be totally consistent. I knew he was at the madam because he stopped crying the minute he heard me. Not when I picked him up even.

Thanks everyone for your support and suggestions! I think I'm going to have to give in with the bottle and/or sleeping with me for a few days as we're off to centreparcs for a few days, and do a bit of reading and thinking of how I'll tackle it.

I used cc with ds1 and it worked great for us but am reluctant with ds2 for fear of waking the big fella....maybe it'll be worth the risk!

Jilted - he usually only 'plays' with the bottle rather than drink it all which leads me to think its comfort not hunger! Also, he's just as happy with water as he is milk! Thanks for the links too, I'll read them and soak it all up!!

Any more thought/ideas will be great though....keep them coming!

I am really shocked at that HV

Could you do some shh/patting if he wakes? Worked well for us at this age.

Think if you do decide to sleep train, you are just going to have to accept that dc1 may wake, although he may surprise you. Think someone else has also suggested doing it when DH is home, this should help as you can see to a child each. Try to give dc1 some quiet time in the day too, if he does get woken, he may get tired and grouchy.

Hope Centre Parcs is fab. Am only a little , honest

Well ladies (and maybe gents), thought I'd give you an update.....

Suffered through interrupted sleep at centre parcs then decided to start sleep training on Sunday night.

Sunday night I put him down awake and had to follow controlled crying methods for about 30 mins after his usual bedtime routine (bath,bottle,bed). Once he fell asleep he was there until after 4am. Did cc for almost 2 hours then he finally fell back asleep just as I was about to give up and get us up for the day!!

Monday night, put him down awake....no tears just happy gurgling until he fell asleep! Then, he woke 3 times at night. I would either leave him, reposition him in his cot or give him his teddy if he cried. Each time the crying stopped almost as soon as he started, replaced by contented gurgling, and he'd nod back off!!

Tuesday night......slept through!!!!!

I can't believe how well he's sleeping now! Had a night away for our anniversary last night too and the mil & fil stayed over and he only woke once, but no tears just gurgles!!

Now....I don't want to speak too soon, and I know it can change with teething etc but thank you all so much for your kind words and support and for giving me the courage to crack it. My baby boy is now loads happier as he's better rested and I'm a happy mammy without getting up loads of times!

This thread is filling me with hope. I'm just starting night 2 of this with my 10 month old.
She's never been a good sleeper and I've always been very responsive to her as she usually settled very quickly with a dummy, feed or a little cuddle. Now she just doesn't seem to want anything! Just to cry at night. I haven't been able to find anything 'wrong' with her for weeks now and I think cc is the only way.
Bringing her into bed with us doesn't work anymore either as she gets really excited and wants to play.

Here's hoping tonight is a better one!

How did it go sleepybunny? My LO is still not perfect but is sleeping sooooooo much better!

this thread is horrible, 6 month old babies are simply not designed to sleep through the night.

Controlled crying at this age only teaches them no one comes - makes me so sad.

I wake up hungry/thirsty I can see to me own needs.

These are tiny babies, who need you.

The problem with sleep training is it has to be repeated each time there is an issue :(

Getting better also Hildainstant! I've been mainly trying to help her settle herself for naps and nighttime by being more strict with a bedtime routine. So we now have an earlier tea time and bath to allow more quite wind down time at bedtime. Instead of cuddling her to sleep, we cuddle until she is relaxed and drowsy then I put her in her cot awake.
It was difficult the first few times as she would just become alert as soon as I put her down, then start having a mini tantrum. But each time I'd just pick her up and lay her down and sit next to the cot.
Bedtime last night was a dream, she seemed to know what was coming and lay herself down to sleep! I hoped that learning to self settle would help with the nighttime wakings but no luck so far! Although she has settled back to sleep quickly. And like you she isn't waking in tears as much, but gurgling and happy. So fingers crossed we get some longer stretches of sleep soon