Apologies if this is long winded, but I never really understood what went on with DS (now 2.3) and am a bit wary of the whole thing repeating itself with DC2.
Only early days here, but I really didn't cope well last time, ended up dx with PND a year too late, and took a long time to sort myself out.
He cried so much during his first year, screamed until he was hoarse, but was almost always being held (was worse when he was put down).
I've read about the damaging effects of crying and CC/CIO, but he still cried whether he was held or not - I worry that his crying has affected him, and I worry that the same thing could happen with DC2.
Can anyone offer any insight please?
Reeeeeally long winded background 
:
DS arrived a month early, all ok, but I was shell shocked and felt like I was swimming in treacle from then on.
He had double tongue ties, colic, reflux, and was a real Velcro baby. He basically lived on my shoulder for the first year, crying & screaming seemingly non-stop whenever awake and not feeding.
BF was v painful for me for 4 months, his reflux was bad between 3mo-8mo, BF finally became lovely after 9 months (I then fed him til 2yo just in relief!). BFing was most certainly not a bonding experience for either of us in the early months!
We co-slept as he wouldn't sleep in either his Moses basket or cot.
No routine, he barely napped, and would cry or scream a LOT.
DS seemed to be sleep deprived, and was known as a 'difficult' baby in our NCT group, and by well, pretty much everyone. I was always the pram at the back of the group with the screamer.
Days would be judged good or bad depending on how much he'd screamed.
Eventually at 7mo, the HVs and everyone from my sister to the postman it seemed advised we do controlled crying to get him into his cot. By this point I was almost immune to his crying, so it wasn't as awful as I thought, and DS started sleeping through and was much happier.
He was still a crier, and basically I found the first year hellish.
Doc had no suggestions, and my (v nice) HV told me that he was just one of those babies that didn't like being a baby, which was true to an extent - he got happier when he could crawl, then happier when he walked, now he's more verbal he's happier still, and fingers crossed he can talk by the time DC2 arrives as I can tell that's what's frustrating him ATM. He always wants to be at the next stage.
He had night terrors between 1-2, which have stopped thank goodness, he'd scream for hours and be completely rigid, often half-asleep, I just had to hold him until he was exhausted enough to sleep.
He has been so much happier and easier since he turned 1, I actually enjoy his company these days, and for me having a toddler is a million times easier than a small baby! :)
That said, he's still more of a crier than most 2yos I know, and tantrums, bites, kicks, pinches, pulls hair etc. Still the 'difficult' one in the group, but fortunately my NCT lot are all lovely and accepting.
This is what really bothers me - I always struggled to settle him when he was small. Boob would work to a degree, but he couldn't stay on there all day.
He would cry and cry for hours, v often not due to reflux or hunger or anything I could fix - he just wouldn't stop, and I didn't know why.
When DS cries - properly upset or tantrum cries I mean - I feel utterly panicked. It takes me right back to the bad times, and I feel totally overwhelmed and incapable.
Added stress:
My FIL used to come stay every month or so, and last time he came (DSs 2nd birthday) he told us that we were "cruel and unloving and that DS was mentally damaged" - this was because due to the excitement of the day DS was taking ages to settle so we'd leave him in his bed crying for 20 mins in between going up to settle him (for an hour at a time). His crying that night was his complaining "Oi I don't want to sleep" cry, def not upset! He wanted all his birthday presents in bed
He hardly ever cries at bedtime these days, only when there's been massive disruption, but FIL was very upset by it. He refused to discuss it further, just landed that on us and I've been pondering it ever since.
He hasn't been to stay since, and DH is still a bit pissed off with him.
Any insight gratefully received, and apologies for the humongous post, but I'm a waffler!
/ 