DS will not hold hands anymore

[littletikes]

My DS1 is now 2 1/2, since he was about 2 i have always had a problem that he would never hold my hand, have reins on, hold the buggy or wrist band or walk near me. I have always done one of the above mentioned when we are out, but i always get the same responce. He lies down on the path or road no matter what the weather is and will not get up. He screams and kicks, bites and punches. i alwats prepare him in the car that we are going to get out of the car and he needs to hold my hand or etc. I also prepare him that in a moment we are going to cross the road. The moment we start crossing the road he lies down. He will do this and not get up for at least 10 mins to half an hour and depending what mood he is in. If i am not in the mood i just pick him up which is hard as i have another DD2 1 1/2 but he starts kicking screaming biting etc. He runs into roads all the time. Even at his pre school. When it is home time and the class room door opens he just runs out the door and all the teachers have to run after him.

The last couple of weeks things have got even worst, as soon as i get him out fo the car he sits on the ground.

Any one else experienced it or can help. :0(

Yep! Been there, done that and am proud owner of the T-Shirt. My DS was exactly the same and I was as frustrated as I guess you must be feeling. It's a phase and he'll grow out of it but in the meantime it's a great attention getter from Mum who has her hands full with a little sister. I found that threatening to put DS in the buggy helped at times (although not always) and I always carried the reins which I would force on him if he got out of hand. As for lying on the ground - I found that sitting down or standing near enough to hold him whilst totally ignoring him until he calmed down worked best - it wasn't easy and there were times that I just screamed at him, yanked him to his feet and dragged him protesting across the car park . It was hideous and I really feel for you because I know exactly how dreaful this is.

My son is now 3 1/2 and it is no longer a problem - it took probably six months or so for him to get the message that I wasn't going to give in. It's hard as they have no sense at all and are still too young to understand danger so explaining the finer points of safety just doesn't work. All I can suggest is just persevere, reward him massively when he co-operates and ignore him for as long as you can manage when he doesn't. Hopefully he'll grow out of it sooner rather than later.

reigns and pick him up by them ignoring him all the way

Thanks all. i was so hoping for an alternative. Its already been 6 months. It is just so hard work handling it with my DD2 too.

ignore, distract, encourage, praise.

Sounds as if by preparing your ds for the fact he is going to have to walk you're giving him the opportunity to refuse so to speak. he sounds very stubbern and willful to me so I wouldn't put too much emphasis on "we're going to cross the road/going to walk to the car/going to get out of the car". Instead I would try and include him in the activity. "darling, have a look now, can you see any cars coming? oh yes there's one! what colour is it! ... wow! what a nice car! - can you see any more? no? well then it's safe to cross now! ... quickly across the road ... yay we're on the other side!" By including him in the process you're distracting him from the task of having a tantrum, and giving him an imput into the decision process of when it's ok to cross the road. Distraction is also a good one - "can you see that aeroplane? look there's a bird! oh look at the lovely flowers" ... while all the way walking down the path/the road etc. And inclusion, instead of "hold on to the buggy", try "will you help mummy push the buggy? yay it's a fast racing car ... all the way over the road/the car park/down the hill ... we go". And I know this sounds maybe obvious, but try to walk more. Do you have a local park or a shop nearby you can walk to? if you can walk somewhere where there's an insentive at the other end, it might encourage him more. And also there can be a consequence, if he refuses to walk to the park and you end up carrying him, put him in the buggy and make him stay there while you play with your dd, and explain to him that if he walks there he'll get to play there, he'll learn that next time, he'll have to walk to get to the park.

But the more you walk, the more he will learn to walk with you. My sister's ds is the same, he doesn't have to walk any distance because he's put in the car and driven everywhere and so the only distance he has to walk is from the car to the destination and as it's invariably not far he refuses to do it and gets carried everywhere. She's not bothered about this though, but you obviously are so I would jump on it as soon as you can and be firm, and persist. good luck.

wannaBe1974
Thanks you so much. What great advice. im grateful that someone else is also thinking on the same lines as me. You see i have done it that way to and am now at the stage which i write originally about. You hit the nail on the head though in your last parragraph saying about he should walk more. I have always known it could have been this. I have crohns disease and can not walk far, i do use the car so much. I also believe that maybe the reason why he does not eat well is beacuse he does not see me eat well as i have such a limited diet. My dd2 is ok though so not sure what happened there. If you read this could you maybe have a think and see if you could come up with more fantastic ideas as you seem to be on my wave length.
PS in the car i have a single buggy and a double if i take the double and he wants to get out it is impossible to steer the buggy one handed. So i tend to take the single and hope i have a good outing with him holding my hand (never :0().

Great post from wannaBe1974. My dd1 is going through a phase of resisting holding hands when crossing the road. Yesterday she clasped her hands together and said "I'm going to hold my OWN hand!". I had to explain that that wouldn't cut the mustard.