Concerns for DNephew

[rootatoot]

My brother's DS is 4. DB isn't with the mother of his child. Things are very difficult and he is going through court to improve access. DB is very worried about his DS's development in relation to what is going on at home with his mother who is the resident parent. She has some mental health issues exacerbated by her domineering family.

Lately DN has been showing some behaviours which are worrying my DB. He has 'acted' out spiteful things on his loved teddies. Like pinching, and twisting their arms. He asks if it would hurt them. I can't remember exactly how DB put it but he said that when asked, DN said it was a good idea to hurt them.

DB is concerned either he has seen self harm from him mother which she is perhaps unaware of or even worse, is being taught morally dubious behaviour (which is happening in other areas).

Does anyone have similar experiences with children acting out spitefully? I wanted to reassure DB that perhaps it is 'normal' but at the same time, in light of other things going on, I don't think he should ignore it either.

Your DB is entitled to take his son to the doctor...or to speak to the doctor with regards to getting him assessed....even voicing his concerns to the doctor would be a good thing as the GP will know what to do next.

It does sound worrying to me. Children this age sometimes have a streak of spite in them without having seen any abuse...but to me, his asking if it would hurt seems odd.

I wouldn't be that concerned about this myself without signs that he himself was being hurt. How is her ds otherwise. Any other concerns?

There were some physical concerns a while ago, which again could have been entirely innocent but he said 'mummy did it' which worried us. Could have been accidental (of course boys get bruises and scratches innocently). These are all issues he is trying to get to the bottom of via court.

GP probably won't be possible other than an out of hours GP, as DB is only able to have access on a weekend currently.

Generally, he is a lovely little boy. Very sweet with my own DS (his cousin) who is younger. But in my opinion there is emotional abuse from the mother and her family, which we are all worried will affect his behaviour and ability to socialise in future. I don't want to give any specifics just in case the mother uses MN, though I doubt that she does. Generally she is absorbed by her own issues and sadly this all seems to be about her and not her and Db's son's welfare.

Many surgeries have appts on Saturday mornings. What will he say to the Dr? Just ask for a general check up? What was the bruise that he said his mum did? Does she access health care for him when necessary? Does he go to nursery? Does he have adequate clothing etc when he comes?

assuming your brother has parental responsibility, then he is entitled to take him to a doctor and seek some help
does he go to a nursery?
if so, then he could ask for the advice of the nursery- they should keep records of any bruises etc
the nursery will be obliged refer the child to the relevant authorities if your brother really suspects physical or emotional abuse
as his dad he could also talk to his ds' gp by himself and discuss any concerns he has