Very upset dh and very angry ds

[angelfire]

I am posting this for myself and for my dh.
We are very concerned about our 10 year old ds.
I think we may need professional help but posting here to see whether what we are experiencing is normal or out of the normal range.
Our 10 year old son is having major problems dealing with anger and mood swings.
We feel that we are walking a knife edge all the time.
It would not be wrong to say that the joy has gone and every day I wake wondering when the anger will start.
Our son moans and whines all day. He is too hot/cold/tired/bored etc etc
When he loses his temper (most days, several times a day) he can become aggressive ( throwing things, threatening to break other people's things). Then the personal abuse starts. We hate him, he hates us, we are the worst parents in the world, he wants to run away. He has even mentioned suicide. He cannot bear to be physically apart from us so we cannot put any distance between us to allow people to cool off so the whole thing becomes suffocating.
I spend so much time simply placating him and trying to divert attention so he doesn't spiral out of control. Anything sets him off. When he does go he will spend hours in an absolute rage.
Tonight my husband ( the sweetest kindest man) broke down in tears. It didn't bother our son.
As I am typing this I can see that this cannot be normal. I wish we could just spend one day together without our son crying screaming being abusive. Life feels really hard right now

It sounds like you all need some helpmate- your son with how he is feeling and you and your husband with how to respond. If you go and see your sons GP they should be able to refer you to a child and family service who should be able to help.

You poor things.

Print your post off and go and see your GP. You all need help as you can't carry on like this. Is he like this at school?

Has he always been so intense? How is his behaviour at school? With friends or other family members?

Sounds like an intolerable living situation at the moment and I think proffesional advice would be a step in the right direction.

My ds was like this. He's still pretty unpleasant a lot of the time but it's bearable.

It's very hard to bear. It is as you say so intense and wearing. It's like walking on eggshells waiting for the next rage. Awful.

Our ds1 is now 8. He had counselling from the age of 7-8. It did help. He's slightly less shirty now. Perfectly behaved at school though so the GP wouldn't help.

Where are you OP? Perhaps MNers can make counselling suggestions.

You are in very difficult circumstances.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, it sounds unbereable.
I've heard this book has been a lifeline for many parents in your situation.
www.amazon.co.uk/Explosive-Child-Understanding-Frustrated-Chronically/dp/0061906190

Is this a recent thing, and so could possibly be puberty/hormone related? Or has he always been like this? Even if it is related to his age, it sounds very extreme (DS was a bit hard to live with and could be horrible to his sister in the early stages of puberty, but nowhere near as bad as what you described), so yes, I'd say you should try to get help. GP as first port of call, I suppose. Does he have any behavourial issues at school, or is it just with family?

Sorry I forgot to add MNSN children board could be very helpful, many parents there have been through the same. Best of luck.

You could be describing my ds1. He has ADHD and ASD

Firstly [hugs]

Secondly, go to your gp and ask for a referral to CAMHS. You need to find out whats causing the behaviour so you can develope strategies to deal with it and for that you need a psyche evaluation.

Have you tried completely ignoring him when he behaves like this? Harder said than done.