My mum made a comment about DS2 and now im worrying

[VitoCorleone]

My DS2 is 16 months old and today my mum said she's noticed that he never looks anyone in the eye, that he's not very vocal for his age and that sometimes he completely blanks people.

Now im worrying, is it normal that at 16 months the only 2 words he can say are "hiya" and "dad"?

Is it normal that, although he looks at people, its very rare that he actually looks anyone in the eye? In fact, he only ever looks me in the eye, not his dad or anyone else, and i only notice it because its so rare he does it that i notice it every time.

He also hates strangers, but not just in a way where he looks a bit wary, but he gets hysterical, i gave somebody a lift the other day and they where sat in the back with him, he's never seen them before and as soon as they looked at him he was in hysterics.

He also completely ignores most people, wont even look if anyone says his name (unless its me and occasionally his dad)

Is all this normal behaviour for his age? I cant remember what DS1 was like at that age, neither can my mum but she thinks he should be more vocal by now (he doesnt really 'babble' either, he's pretty quiet) and said he has never looked her in the eye, he usually just looks in her direction but sometimes right through her.

Totally normal to only have 2 words at 16 months (if my DCs are anything to go by). DS barely said anything til he turned 2.

Do you have a good relationship with your HV? My DS' childminder thought he might be autistic and I mentioned it to my (very lovely) HV. She came round just to see whether his behaviour warranted a referral. While he was doing a couple of things that his CM thought unusual, HV was adamant that it was nothing to be concerned about and just who he is.

What I'm trying to say is, don't set too much store by what your DM thinks. Go and talk to a professional about it. It may well be something normal that he may or may not grow out of.

Vito my DD just turned 17 months and she only says "Mamma"; I've been terribly worried about it and when I asked my HV and the GP about it they reassured me that its perfectly normal.

I didn't entirely trust them so I called my mother (paediatric psychiatrist for over 30 years and super protective of her only grandchild) and she laughed at me

As for eye contact, DD rarely does it either, mainly because she's a very physical baby whose mission in life since she was a few months old is to be as mobile as possible. So she's always on the go; she loves to run, climb and kick balls and her reserves all her energies for that type of activity.

This ties in nicely with the ignoring when called - DD does the same, but tbf that particular trait doesn't concern me as she demonstrates perfect hearing /comprehension when she's desperate for a snack and I tell her I have food, for example

As for strangers, it sounds like separation anxiety and this age is prime territory for that.

I'm not an expert and I think you should speak to your HV and/or GP to put your mind at ease if you're worried, but it doesn't sound worrying to me.

Well if it's not normal then ds aged 15months is not normal either as he behaves exactly the same way, and does not have any words at all, just random sounds occasionally.

I worry a little too as dd now aged 10 was quite advanced with all the milestone things.

However we had a health visitor check recently and she said ds was fine, so I think maybe they do all develop differently.

Have you had his ears tested?

Not since he was very small ThePros my mum also suggested getting his hearing tested, but i dont think its his hearing, simply because my DS1 does have hearing problems (glue ear due to being born with a cleft pallet) and i know DS2s hearing is a lot better than DS1s

Mine is 17.5 months old and only says Hiya, Mamma, Dada and Yes. He was at about the same point as your little boy at 16 months.

There is a test called the CHAT test which is designed to pick up early signs of communication disorder in young children. It's designed to be used from 18 months old, if memory serves, and is a pretty good indicator. Search online and you'll find it.

Nobody on here can really say without seeing your ds, or being qualified to make a diagnosis (that includes health visitors!!) if there is an issue, but if there is, it's better to get on to it ASAP. I referred my ds at 24 mths for speech therapy, at that point he was unable to link two words and had a vocab of about 20 words. They took me seriously.

I second doing the CHAT test. It's a vey good screening tool for identifying children who may be displaying issues with social communication.

I seem to keep saying this but if his non-verbal communication is ok then I wouldn't worry too much about the speech. So, does he point at things such as dogs or aeroplanes and look back to check you're looking at what he's trying to share with you? Does he bring you things just to show you? Stuff like that really. It's all in the mchat test. Google MCHAT for an easy to follow version.

Ds2 was assessed by SALT at 12 months due to tongue tie and his lack of speech sounds was of enough concern for him to be seen from 18 months on. That being said, ds2 never babbled. My other two had a larger range of sounds at 3 months than he did at 2 years, so the concern with him wasn't lack of speech but lack of oral movement. I've known many children who didn't speak til 3+ but who had no long term issues.

Eye contact is tricky, ds1 ,does have asd and his eye contact has always been fine, similarly some kids just don't like it and don't have ASD.

Crying at strangers is perfectly normal, especially in an enclosed space while he's strapped in and can't see you clearly.

If you have concerns there's no harm seeing a hv or gp but I wouldn't panic based on what you've said

Is it possible he has sight difficulties?
My DS was hysterical about strangers, but it turned out he couldn't see anyone's faces!

Come on mumsnetters relax most of your toddlers turned 1 four months ago bit early to be worrying about speech etc just enjoy them because they grow so fast and before you know it will be preschoolers. Got two children myself and their development has been completely different so its normal let them develop at their own rate just read and do songs with them that will help their speech alot and go local library and read read read the more words they hear the more words they learn like little sponges at this age. Show a picture and say it two three times so toddler gets it and if your luckly might be repeated

I second the M-Chat

you can do it online:
www.m-chat.org/mchat.php

If it does flag up anything then talk to GP or HV

It sounds normal, except the looking through her. Does he do that to you ever?
I would keep an eye on things until he's about 18 months, and go through the CHAT test. If that flags things up, then take a list of concerns to GP and see what he thinks.

Dd2 didn't do strangers at that age, no eye contact, crying if they looked at her. I think eye contact was me, possibly dh on a good day and dd1, anyone else was definitely not. She's my most sociable of my dc, despite at this age the other two were far more sociable.

Right, I posted up thread to reassure OP and since then I've taken the CHAT test and now I'M worried

On the Autism Speaks website it says:

"The M-CHAT?s primary goal is to detect as many cases of ASD as possible. Therefore, there is a high false positive rate, meaning that many children who score at risk for ASD will not be diagnosed with ASD."

I'm just wondering how high is the percentage of false positives, because DD (17 months) is scoring 3 (which apparently is high risk) and she's doesn't pretend play with tea sets or mimic facial expressions.

Pizzahutlover I know all children develop at different rates, but sometimes there are issues, and if a parent has concerns then it does no harm to get them checked out, partly for peace of mind, and partly because if there are issues, then early intervention is a good thing.

PoppyAmex, your DD isn't 18 months yet. Lots can change in a few weeks and the test isn't devised for younger children that than.

In my experience with the M-CHAT (Autism specialist SALT), the false positives are very high as it's just a screening tool. It's very useful but can frequently rule in children who don't have autism but are just developing at a slightly different rate. My DC was high risk when I assessed them at about the same age as your DD. Several months have gone past and I now on longer have any concerns about DC's social communication and they score low risk.

I hope that reassures you a bit.

Slowly I'm going to come across as mushy and possibly slightly deranged but I want you to know your post was very appreciated.

I had started doing some research and was getting really worried and you just reassured me immensely.

Thank you

I'm glad :)

Poppy y far the best thing you can do is to see the GP about an assessment. You're not going to magically stop worrying....and an assessment will tell you if things are on track or not. If they're NOT then you can get some early help for your son....which can make a world of difference.

The assessment which my friend's DS did (I was present) was very thorough indeed...more so than the MCHAT and covered a range of things which as a Mother I wouldn;t have known to look at.

For me, the worrying thing is the eye contact....OP get an assessment and you'll either have your mind set at rest or you will get help...a win win situation.

Thanks, Neo - you're right, I will reassess in a couple of months and most certainly seek professional help if there are any concerns.

As Slowly pointed out, the CHAT test isn't developed for children under 18 months and as my DD is only 17 months (and OP's is 16) I suppose it's "normal" that she's hasn't developed a couple of skills mentioned on the test.

I also spoke to my mother (as I mentioned upthread she's paediatric psychiatrist) and she thinks I have absolutely no reason to worry at this stage, which made me feel better.

I've never experienced worry and fear like this before I was a mother!

I know. It's terrible isn't it?! My friend's DS was almost 3 before she sought help....he's probably not on the Autistic Spectrum but he does seem to have some kind of language disorder.

I definitely don't think the speech bit is anything to worry about. Obv they're all different, but I think that a) boys are lazy some kids like to take their time with these things and b) younger siblings sometimes just don't feel the need to talk (although more the case I think in big families where loads of older siblings do all the talking for them) - might just be that he can't be bothered yet?!

P.S. Rumour has it that my Nan's little brother waited until he was 3.5 to say his first words outside the chemists: "Are you going to buy some toothpaste?" - to his open-mouthed mother. He has 8 older siblings and it was the first time he'd ever felt the need to speak for himself