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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Nursery drop off tantrums

14 replies

Choos123 · 29/08/2013 14:38

I can't drop my dd off at nursery because every time she throws a tantrum and seems very upset, when DH takes her she is never happy to be left but accepts it but neither reaction seems right to me. She's happy up to the point of being left there and is always happily playing when we get her, sometimes wants to stay longer etc. She's nearly 3, she does 4 days a week 8-430. Any advice?

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TheOneAndOnlyAlpha · 29/08/2013 14:41

Oh, I could have written this! Watching with interest. I figure that as long as he is happy once there and his key worker is pleased then a little moan is not too bad.

hawkeye21 · 29/08/2013 15:01

My 2.10 DD is usually happy to be left at nursery, but every so often she'll get very upset and clingy. The advice I was given was not to linger and prolong the agony, but to just say my goodbyes and go. Invariably she perks up the moment i'm gone and is absolutely fine. Such behaviour Is not uncommon at that age.

Original poster

Choos123 · 29/08/2013 15:09

It might not be uncommon to do it occasionally, but it happens every time despite me always quickly leaving her in tears and screaming...it's quite a big reaction. I definitely don't hang about. The alternative sad resignation is hard too. Hopefully it'll get better as she understands more.

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hawkeye21 · 29/08/2013 15:36

How quickly does she get over it once you're gone? Does the tantrum stop the moment the door closes behind you or does it take a while for her to settle?

hawkeye21 · 29/08/2013 16:06

Can the nursery do something special with her to distract her whilst you leave, e.g. have a favourite toy waiting for her to play with, or someone to read her a story?

Does she have a comforter, such as a special toy or blanket, she could take with her to nursery?

Can you talk to the nursery and see what they can suggest? I'm sure they will have seen it before and will have ideas that may help.

Original poster

Choos123 · 29/08/2013 18:06

It's worse than that, we try distraction but she just cranks it up a notch. I think it takes a while to settle bit I'll check, dh has several trips coming up so I'll have to do the drop offs. She takes her babies in regularly and has lost them, she's not especially attached to things though.

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Original poster

Choos123 · 29/08/2013 18:08

Ps I have talked to nursery, they say all kids go through it, and just peel her off me as fast as possible. I'm worried that there will be long term damage really as it doesn't seem to get better. She's been in nursery for 2 yrs now, this started around 18 months.

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ElleOhElle · 29/08/2013 20:45

my dd was doing this about a month ago but literally the second she was in she would be fine - the nursery is very honest and would tell me otherwise. I've found getting her to carry her bag to the door and give it to the lady helps (don't know why) also I start asking her about who she's looking forward to seeing. It's horrible seeing them so worked up but it will be just a phase. DD went in fine today after a week off.

Original poster

Choos123 · 29/08/2013 22:33

I'm glad no-one's posted that they think it could be a sign of psychological trauma, at least! You do often wonder...

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teacher123 · 30/08/2013 09:41

Ds howls everytime I drop him at the childminder. She texts as soon as he settles, and I've usually not started the engine to drive to work!

hawkeye21 · 30/08/2013 09:54

Your DD may be a bit young for this, but...

At a time when she's not stressed sit down and talk with her about it. Start by saying that you've noticed that she gets upset when you drop her off at nursery. See if she can tell you why. Don't dismiss anything she can tell you. Help her to find words and understand what she feels. Then try to problem solve together to find Ways to make it better (at her age you'll need to make suggestions, and see if she latches on to any. Ideas might be for you to stay until she has sat down with her breakfast in front of her, or for her to wave to you out the window as you leave, or a big super-cuddle before you go - depending what is possible for you).

Your DD may feel better to know that you have recognised her 'problem' and will help her sort it. Also, by helping to choose a solution it gives her a bit of control in something where she has little control otherwise.

This idea may be rubbish, but thought I may as well float it.

And no, it doesn't sound like psychological trauma to me. It sounds like a typical toddler.

Lovecookies · 30/08/2013 19:34

My dd 2.2 goes two mornings a week has done for a few months. It's only recently she's got clingy with me and cries when I drop her off I hate it BUT the staff say she settles and enjoys herself. When I take her though she walks in on her own accord whilst crying but I make a point of being all happy and smiles and i agree i don't generally say goodbye too much as this upsets her more in fact when she started the nursery encouraged at first to just leave with no goodbye as generally they won't notice you've gone, there tends to be a few kids there crying.

Original poster

Choos123 · 02/09/2013 12:29

Hopefully it'll get better, hard not to say goodbye as she's attached to me like a barnacle once she gets in the room...I'm trying to talk to her more 'mummy has to work to pay bills and so we can buy things etc', I'm sure like everything else with her it'll improve as her language and understanding does.

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Goldmandra · 02/09/2013 13:31

Could you give her a small task to do each day to help her focus on the fact that you'll be back at the end of the day when she has completed the task?

You could ask her to draw something specific, look after something of yours, find something out, remember what she had for lunch.

At the same time you could agree to perform some small task too. You could pick something up for her, write her a note, etc.

Doing this might help her to focus on the beginning and end of the day with you and perhaps the time apart will feel more manageable.

Do you ever arrive unexpectedly in the middle of the day so that you can see what's going on? It's unlikely that there's anything untoward happening during the time she's there because she sometimes wants to stay at home time but I'd check just in case.

She's probably feeling the same emotions when your DH drops her off but perhaps doesn't feel quite so comfortable expressing herself so clearly with him as she does with you.

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