Silly behaviour at activities

[HollyMadison]

DS is 2.6. He is extremely active, waaaay more so than his peers. Other parents often comment to me how energetic he is and say that their children sleep well after playdates running round with him. I've always struggled a bit with controlling him although this is getting better and in the last couple of months he's been getting slowly calmer (relatively) at home.

The reason for the post is that I'd really like some advice about behaviour in the group activities we go to. He doesn't go to nursery/pre-school but I do take him to 4 different types of classes - sports, 2 music classes and craft group. In one of the music classes and the craft group he is just such a nightmare I am going to stop going.

Behaviour is mostly running around, jumping on sofas at side of room, throwing cushions, sometimes pulling other children to the ground, refusal to come and sit with me and just generally being silly and shreaking. His behaviour is so different from the rest of the children in the group and most of the group are younger than him.

I don't know what to do. At home and in other situations such as people's houses I use immediate consequences (eg if you throw that I will take it away) and he has responded really well to this and ceased some challenging behaviours at home or others' houses. But I just have no consequences in these group classes. If I try to pick him up he finds it hilarious, struggles, hits me etc. I think if I tried time out (which I don't do yet) he would just do the same and run away.

I should add that he has a hearing impairment and wears hearing aids. His language and understanding is extremely good though. I don't think he struggles to hear in these classes as he is capable of engaging in some parts of them if he wants to. The silly behaviour often starts from the word go even if we've discussed it before we get there.

I would sit him firmly on my knee with his arms pinned down and refuse to let him go until he is calm. If he won't calm down threaten to take him home and carry it through- every time. Explain beforehand what will happen and don't let him wheedle second chances.

Have you looked at his diet and checked that he isn't having any additives that cause hyperactivity?

It sounds pretty normal behaviour but that the activities just don't suit him! Why not try and find a more active activity where running around is encouraged and remember he is only 2.6

Sounds like he just doesn't enjoy them. I removed DS2 from a music/signing class when he stopped engaging with it.

Tumbletots?

Wow, Exotic, did you not read the bit where the boy is TWO?
And he has hearing problems? So he can't engage like the others?

He's not ready for structured activities, or they are badly run, or both.
IME,take him to the park instead. Wait until he goes to nursery, and IF the complain there may be a problem that needs fixing.

I would say he needs more physical activities, both craft and music can involve more sitting still. Gym or sports might be more his thing. Also exercise on the way to classes might help, walk him rather than buggy or car.
Some activities are more set up for quiet girls and boys rather than the energetic ones.

Don't worry yet. Just start to develop strategies. First does he really need to be calm at this activity (fun clubs -no; funerals or weddings-yes). Second does he really need to go? Third if he does need to be there and calm, then use up excess energy before hand, and calm him down. We have also used sweets and drawing to help keep our kids quiet,; although they have slept through Weddings and Funerals.

It sound to me like you have thought carefully about the kinds if activities you feel you should be doing with him. Which is great.

If I was you though I would ask him if he wishes to continue these activities.

If no, stop and try again later.
If yes, explain that at these activities he is expected to behave in x manner (eg sit with mummy, not shout. Keep it to two simple instruction) and that if he doesn't then you won't be able to continue to go.
Take him to the park before hand, walk him there via the long way if its close.

If he doesn't /can't behave stop going and try again later.

Replace with other physical activities.
Tiger tots (3+) is beginning self defence for toddlers
Tumble tots, lots of leisure centres do gym babies

Play to his strengths.

Thanks everyone for the replies. I typed another message and thought I posted but seems to have disappeared...

Most people have said what I had suspected - that the activities which he goes silly in are not right for him at the moment. I've pulled him out of the craft one and will pull him out of one of the music ones when we have used the sessions I have paid for.

He loves the sport class we go to and is pretty good in one of the music classes. These are active sessions and the teachers are great. I think it is probably right that he needs more physical exercise than we are currently doing. We do a decent amount but I guess I am guilty of doing indoor things sometimes when we need to do more outdoor stuff as indoors is a better hearing environment and we work on language. His hearing loss is just one part of him though and I realize now that I need to give him more running/climbing etc which he loves!

We can try less active classes again when he's older. I guess I focused on the difference between his behaviour and that of the others in the group when I just need to focus on what's best for him right now.

Diet is pretty good but, thinking about it, he may sometimes be hungry in some sessions so I'll try to make sure that's not a factor.

Thanks again for comments.

If he wears hearing aids, is there any chance some of the groups (especially music!) are over stimulating for him if they're very noisy?

Elle, that could be a possibility, although the classes he goes crazy in are the quieter ones. Usually he will tell me or take out his aids if music is too loud but it's a good point - I will check with him more often that volume is ok.

Behaviour is mostly running around, jumping on sofas at side of room, throwing cushions, sometimes pulling other children to the ground, refusal to come and sit with me and just generally being silly and shreaking.

I was replying to this part. You simply can't let him do this in other people's houses! Therefore you hold on to him until he calms down or take him out.
I would assume that if he does it in a group then the group activity ain't suitable and you choose one that are.
I would also walk him to as many of them as possible, kick balls around, run around the park and generally exhaust him!
He has to understand that there are places you have to do as you are told, car parks, cafes etc.

Don't know whaere 'ain't' came from! Isn't.

Sounds like he would have a better time at soft play where he can run and climb to his hearts content!

I would say tumble tots is a tad too structured and regimented (IME) for a child that likes to run free!

Exotic, the holding him and taking him out wasn't working! When I try to hold him still he just gets into even more of a frenzy and starts trying to hit me. It was all pretty embarrassing in front of the other parents! I also took him out of his craft session 3 times this week but he really didn't care. Think he was telling me he doesn't want to go to craft sessions!!

He sounds just like my ds, who has bad glue ear.
In all honesty most activities didn't work for him at that age. ENT said, yes he could hear most of what was said, but it took so much more effort for him to listen than a "normally hearing" child, that he ran out of energy to listen.

The only class that really worked was ballet, I think because it was a small group of quiet girls, and listening to the teacher was only a small part, and he got to run/skip round between times, but not too much. He also loves music and it calms him.

Sit still activities he didn't sit and concentrate for long enough. Highly energetic ones seemed to whip him up to a state of frenzy and silliness.

He's just turned 6yo and he's now getting back into activities, but he would still produce havock at a crafty one because he's not very into crafty things (except airfix!).

He sounds like my DD at that age.

She was always on the go, never stopped. Activities like music classes just became embarrassing because I'd be sat there like a numpty, whilst DD ran around like a maniac, not engaging in said activity.

So I signed her up for every physical activity going - gymnastics, trampolining, swimming, ballet, a toddler bounce (bouncy castle based session) just to tire her out. It kind of work, she still had loads of energy (still does), but was more manageable.

It worked, and she was soon picked for squad at gymnastics. Now, at 9 she trains 18 hours term time and this summer has been doing 24 hours a week. I'm still waiting for her to tire out . Its funny, I meet people and they are often about the hours DD trains, thinking she must be knackered. I always smile inwardly as they don't know the nightmare DD was at 2/3. Doing 18 / 24 hours training keeps her normal in terms of energy levels.

Your son might just be high energy, and need something more. That's all my DD needed. Perhaps ditch the low energy classes for now, and look for activities that are more likely to tire him out. You haven't mentioned any issues with his behaviour there, so I'm guessing he responds well to those sorts of classes.

As for the behaviour at other people's houses. I used to find that my DD needed a good run (kind of like a dog ), to use up her energy before we went to people's houses. I'd try and take her to the park beforehand, so she was a bit calmer when we got there.

I'd stop activities and go to the park instead, I'd start a play group one where he has some free play time.

Ds1's friend is just like this but older at 5. He is completely deaf in one ear. The noisier the environment the more he struggles to cope and acts out.

He is much better in a small group, in fact at school ds1 and his friend are taken out if the class to the library a few times a week as it works better for him in a quiet environment.

They tried taking him on his own at first but it didn't word, apparently he concentrates better with a friend.

I would say those classes where e behaves like that are not suitable for him. He obviously doesn't enjoy them, and neither do you. You could try something different, maybe more physical like gym or swimming (not sure if he can do that with hearing aids). And then see how they go. He sounds like a very active, normal little boy to me, and he is still so young so don't worry too much about it.

Yeah any structured group activities don't work for my ds and he is coming on 3. He needs to run around and do his own thing. He'll need to develop some more sit-ability as he gets older but it's not his natural state

I wouldn't contemplate sit-down style things with my 2.6yo. No way. He's always out, running around and never gets pushed in the pushchair. Despite his already very active life, he spent a whole TWO HOURS running at top speed round and round a field after my friend's dog at an evening bbq laughing all the while. We watched in gobsmacked amazement. We thought he would stop after 10mins but he just kept on going. Some children at this age have got SO much energy.

So pleased to hear I'm not the only one with an extremely energetic child!! I feel so much more relaxed about things now after reading all your comments and am going to do lots more running, swimming (we take his hearing aids out for that) and climbing and ditch the trying activities!