Nearly 6yr old DD pushing me to breaking point

[MrsWhirling]

Please someone with experience and knowledge help me with my nearly 6yr old DD before I completely lose my mind.

She is gorgeous, clever and bright. She is the apple of everyone's eye and in general gets a lot of attention for being cute or clever.

Over the last few months her behaviour and attitude have been so bad it has reduced me to tears, fits of rage, depression and general despair.

She is so rude it is untrue - for example this evening we went to a friends who kindly cooked for us. As soon as dinner was on the table DD shouted really loudly "What, you haven't even made us dessert?!" Cue desperate faces and shush movements from me which only served to make her louder.

She refuses to go to bed and when she does will come downstairs at least 8-10 times. Tonight she bed herself on purpose and whilst I was trying to speak to her about why she did this she was rolling eyes and making faces at me.

The naughty step doesn't work, she just laughes. Punishment and taking things away really upset her but seem to have no affect on her repeating the same naughty things. She apologies, cries and them 5 minutes later does exactly the same thing. This afternoon she hit DS 9Mths on the head with a toy.

I burst into tears infront of her yesterday only for her to laugh in my face and later tell one of her friends that mummy was crying.

I am completely at a loss, why is my bright & clever child so naughty and badly behaved and what can I do to??? Please help all advice is gratefully received. x

Have you tried extra curricular activities? Rainbows/brownies/cubs or anything? I found it has helped my dd now nine tremendously. She was very similar to what your describing and I'm very familiar with how your feeling. We also have what we call an emotion box. When either you or dd are feeling upset angry even happy or excited we post a note in the box whether it words or pictures and empty the box at end of the week and go through and talk it out. I hope you work it out. I remember back then I tried to turn her negative energy into something productive. Eg brownies, sports etc.
Good luck.

Poor you. Parenthood is so hard sometimes. Have you tried talking to the GP - perhaps she should have a physical check up just to be on the safe side and maybe help from a psychologist if necessary?

My son's bad behaviour improved hugely after we discovered he had been suffering from low level ear pain for years and not sleeping properly; when he had grommets fitted, tonsils and adenoids removed he was much better and stopped hitting us!

How is she with other people, like at school.

Do everything you can to keep calm, including removing yourself from the room if she is safe to leave out of sight.

Good luck with the struggle.

Child-rearing can sometimes feel like you're in the middle of war. What it comes down to is which one of you is more stubborn, and it should be you. The tears in front of her made you appear weak on one level, but also likely worried her because as a child, she needs you to be the stronger one.

Sometimes with especially difficult children, you need to find more creative ways to get to them. For instance, I had a very bright child who could argue his way out of just about anything. To discipline him, I gave him essays to write on what he had done wrong, at least 200 words. For every time he protested, he got an extra 50 words.

For the rudeness, a breezy 'Well, if you're going to be like that I'll have to come on my own next time," and the next time you get an invite, stay true to your word. Don't give in, no matter how much she screams.

Bedtime, you need to stonewall her. The first time she gets up, say 'I said, it's bedtime.' And don't interact with her anymore that night, even if you have to bring her back 30 times. The moment you give in, she'll decide to do it again the next night. Ignore the face-making, just don't look at her when she does that.

If the naughty step doesn't work, you may not be using it correctly. Do you put her back when she gets up? My essay trick might work for her, reducing the words obviously. And make sure that every time she does something naughty, you explain why you're angry. Then if she does it again, you can be sure it wasn't down to her not listening. If she hits her brother, don't get angry, just say 'if I can't trust you not to hurt him, you can't play with us," then lavish attention on the other child until she's sufficiently sorry.

I know it seems hard, but in my experience there is a way to get every child to respond to some discipline.

You should really try positive reinforcement. For example, day 1: explain that at bedtime she must stay in bed for at least 10 minutes. If she complies. Give her lots of praise and a reward (maybe a sticker). If she doesn't comply, ignore it - no punishment. Day 2: at bedtime, she must stay in bed for at least 20 minutes. Same thing - reward compliance, ignore noncompliance. Then you work your way up to her staying in bed for the night. Give her a big reward if she earns 10 stickers.

Work on each behaviour the same way. When you visit your friends, give her lots of praise and a reward each time she says something kind.

You can also role-play good behaviour with dolls. Tell her to pretend the mummy is doll is frustrating the daughter doll. How should the daughter respond? What are acceptable words and unacceptable words? When your daughter roll-plays with acceptable words she should get a reward.

Essentially some kids need lots of practice and positive reinforcement for being good before it comes naturally. My son is like this. We are still working on it, but he surprises me every day with the kind words that come out of his mouth. This morning I gave him some crackers from a box and he said, "Mummy, these crackers are even better than the last time you made them."

When you keep praising her and rewarding her for her good behaviour, it improves the quality of your relationship and it should motivate her to try to please you.