Friendship problem developing for my 5 year old - wondering how best to deal with this!

[MGMidget]

My 5 year old DS is sociable and doesn't seem to have problems establishing friendships. He now has a developing problem with an old friend so I am wondering if I can help the situation and avoid putting my foot in it!

The two boys were best friends in pre-school nursery. They didn't get into the same school for reception year owing to the postage stamp sized catchment (we were just outside). His friends mum and I both agreed we would try and keep the friendship up and have since organised occasional playdates which always go well. This summer we also arranged for them both to be a summer sports camps on a few days together. Unfortunately, this has gone badly as DS's friend has had another friend also at the sports camps who is apparently a friend from his class at school. He has obviously got to know the boy very well and sees him much more than DS so naturally they are very good friends. Unfortunately, when the two of them are together they exclude DS from their games. He has asked to play with them but been sent away each time!

DS is quite upset about this - he still regards the boy as a 'best friend' so being rejected is a bit difficult.

I realise I am probably going to have years to come of advising on these types of situations as I know they are common so would appreciate a bit of advice!

I organised a playdate only yesterday for the two boys and they played like old friends again. Then in the afternoon they went to the sports camp and again DS was told to 'go away' when he tried to play with his friend and the other boy.

Today, DS has been trying to come up with ideas himself (without my prompting) on what to do. I've steered him away from the not so pleasant ideas (like trying to drag the other boy away from his friend!) and he's focusing on the nice ones. Apparently yesterday he was offering to share his snack with his friend but that didn't work - well he's trying!

I am wondering in this situation whether to just advise from the background or whether to let the other mum know what's happening? I don't want to put my foot in it by appearing to complain about her son but I did wonder if she might be able to encourage him to include DS in his games with his friend? The other boy is clearly going to be a big feature in his friend's life so I can see the friendship with my DS dying away soon if the three children can't play together.

The other choice, as I see it, is to simply organise playdates for the two of them in future but steer clear of any group activities where his other friend may be present. Unfortunately I think it will be harder to maintain the friendship with just that.

I'm wondering what's the best approach?

Honestly? I'd let it drift as a friendship and concentrate on friends from school.

Having had similar situations, I would have it as a playdate friendship and not do group things together.
Because actually having his best friend there has stopped him making other friends hasn't it? If he'd been on his own, he would probably have found another child at the group. Actually going with his best friend has restricted him.
Equally well, if there had been another child from his school, it might well have been the other boy feeling excluded (possibly by the other school friend) or the school friend feeling excluded. At that age they struggle with the social skills of mixing two separate friends.

Thanks, I can see its tricky for them. We're stuck with the commitment at sports camp for the rest of this week unfortunately and they will most likely be together for football on Saturday mornings (with the other friend!) but I may have to try and steer DS to another group for Saturday football (fortunately they divide kids into many groups for football as there's so many of them). I guess the playdates will slowly die out as both the other mum and I work so we're struggling to organise them often enough - hence doing the sports camps as well! Still, we'll see.

Had a similar problem with dd who is 4.had to ease off the friendship a lot for a while and it seems to have resolved itself. I do try to avoid being together with third girl who seemed to be the source of the problem though.