What can your 4 year old son do?

[dukester]

My des is due to start school this September and concerns regarding his development are social communication and speech and. Language delay. His play does suggest imagination but is rather repetitive . He can't write a letter or draw a shape , complete a simple jigsaw . He dosent want me to read him a story and would much rather I asked him about the pictures in spefic books..
I know every child is different but would you please tell me what your 4 year old is capable of play wise and personal skills wise to help give me a better indication of what he should be able or striving towards , thanks .

I'm replying only as you've no replies yet & I'm still up - I don't have a 4 yr old DS & my older DD was very much ahead of herself at that age, so I sort of had the opposite problem, in that she was more than ready for school way before she was old enough to go IYSWIM.

I clearly remember one mum of a nursery friend of DDs being just as worried as you are about her own DS - she was still struggling to get him out of nappies & school was looming & she would gladly have swapped his school place with my DD who wanted to go to school so badly, but wasn't yet allowed - another boy who later ended up in DDs class at school was very similar when starting school too - neither boy turned out to have any SN & caught up in time.

They can vary so very much at that age & for years to come, but they do mostly level out & a good school will help him fit in regardless

My ds1 is 4.9yo but I remember him starting nursery last September and what he was doing then. All dc's are different and he has always loved books and being read to, but otherwise he had a very short attention span. He was always on the go and would rather be running about from one toy to the next than sitting doing a puzzle. He has never been interested particularly in jigsaws. Neither could he write a letter and wasn't interested in holding a pen. I think it just wasn't 'action' enough for him! His speech and language has really progressed at nursery. He can now write his name (Ben, so not exactly difficult) and is interested in numbers and basic arithmetic which we play as a game when out and about. I don't think you need worry about your ds starting nursery. They don't need to be able to do anything prior to starting and he will learn skills and improve his concentration there. I think you'll find a big difference in a year, as I have. Hope that helps.

At 4 my son can't hold a pencil or write a letter or a number. He also isn't toilet trained.

School know all of this.

He can do a jigsaw puzzle, count to 10 out loud and loves being read to.

All kids are different. He'll get there.

Don't worry about what other 4 yr olds can do- only what yours can. School will be prepared for all 4 yr olds . Make sure you talk to school about your concerns as they will be able to focus on those areas, my sons school do speech and language sessions for them, and then support the school at home.

Good luck- he will be fine.

My son is only just 4.
He does like being read to but only at bedtime.
He is very sociable,outgoing and invites people to join in his games,except when tired and asks to be left alone.
He plays imaginatively with toys but also objects like sticks or cooking utensils.
He can write the first letter of his name and can type another into the ipad(it is the entry code).He can't really hold a pen properly and isn't interested.He can't draw anything recognisable.
He has a short attention span and lots of energy and usually can be found running around the house in a pair of pants pretending to be a dinosaur.
He starts school next week..

My DS is 4. He learned the alphabet before he was 3, when DD was learning it for school, and can write all letters (giant letters in wavy lines, sometimes in reverse). He can write his name. He can do basic sums with small numbers.

He plays a lot with his trains and there is a lot of role play going on there (this is new to me, because DD never did this, at any age).

He speaks 3 languages (multicultural family living in France), although none of them very grammatically and his vocabulary is basic in all of them.

On the other hand, he doesn't like me to read him stories (gets bored and runs off after a few pages) and he can't do any colouring. If given a picture to colour, he scribbles on it and leaves.

Do won't speak to the speech to to his speech therapist and puts people in conventry for weeks at atime ( usually nursery staff or health professionals) I have advised the staff if he ignores your greeting do not try harder for a response because he will just refuse to engage completely.

He can not take turns if there are more than two children playing a game and that's with an adult supporting him . This isn't a behavioural thing ( I want my own way) . More of a its too complex and can't follow the rules.
He is totally unable to complete a jigsaw for a 2 year old , can't build a wall house etc out of bricks, personal care wise he is toilet trained has been for 12 months but it had not progressed to wiping bottom and insists on removing his underpants and trousers . He can repeat numbers but has no concept of their meaning e.g can not count. Totally unable to explain past events e.g tell daddy we have been to the beach, can not hop,. I suppose what I am trying to say he seems more on a 2 and half year olds level. I appreciate all kids vary but when does it get to the point were there is a significant delay. I've been advised that an 18 month speech delay indicates a learning difficulty .
Thankyou for all your replies they have been very helpful and I appreciate the time you have taken to respond . Think I should also add that he is seeing a dr for my concerns who just says his speech and communication is the main concern at the moment . I always feel unprepared when he asks me questions regarding his play . His older brother is ASD with learning dissabilities ( he shares a room with him) and he has 3 older sisters who were all really advanced for age so I haven't really got a benchmark for what's supposedly normal if you see what I mean.

Could you seek a second opinion regarding his development - what have nursery said? Do they have a SENCO (special educational needs co-ordinator) or does the school he'll be going to have one?

Its hard to compare children as they're all so different and there's a big difference between 'just 4' and 'nearly 5'. But, re your list of concerns, my ds is 4 and can do the things you're worried your ds can't (except wipe his own bottom - he's told me 'I'll do that when I'm 10'!).

Ds2 is 4 and started school on Monday.

His speech is poor, he's not properly toilet trained despite 2 years of trying, he can't draw or write anything but is still at the scribbling stage, he's massively anxious and prone to meltdowns.

He's loving school The school have been wonderful and he has an sna and resource hours. The sna takes him in in the morning and settles him. He obviously feels very comfortable there as he talks to them and he's full of chat at home about what he's doing.

It's gone much better than I expected, mostly thanks to the school.

My advice would be to contact the school and make them fully aware of the issues, tell them how to help him and offer to meet and discuss it with them.

Btw, ds2s speech delay is greater than 18 months and he has other issues but he does not have a learning disability, his iq actually came out quite high when the psyche tested him. He has verbal dyspraxia and possibly ASD (we'll find out after Christmas when he sees CAMHS)

He has a fab senco at nursery though its shut for the summer now and he will be reviving full time TA support at school ( sorry forgot t mention that) we have had a transition meeting. I just feel that they should be assessing his overall development but they won't let him have a full ed psyche assessment if his needs like it is done for educational statements unless he was applying directly to a special needs school but once he is attending his main stream school they can apply for him to be statemented.
. Ds is five in October so he isn't one of the younger ones . Ds1 also had the 18 month speech delay and a few professionals have also mentioned to me that a significant speech delay can indicate further issues such as learning difficulties as was the case with ds1 . That's why I am trying to gage how uneven Ds 1 development is in comparison to other children his age
To be honest the more I post the more I am convinced he has a learning disability .

Dukester you could post your concerns on the SN children board. Good luck.