Juggling the needs of a toddler & baby - feel like I'm failing

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I have to 2 amazing ds' but feel like I am failing them at the moment.
Ds1 is 20 months & ds2 is 5 months. Although very close in age there needs are very different & I feel as though I'm not doing enough to meet them & support their development. A typical day is this -
Dh gets ds1 up, dressed & breakfasted while I tidy upstairs, put washing on or away chatting to ds2 with him lying on the bed or have an extra 30mins if we've had a bad night with ds2
I then feed ds2 in the living room so I can chat to ds1, help him colour, play with his toys or watch his programme with him unless he's playing in the garden (or more often than not flitting between the 2!)
Then we usually all go out to the shops or park & hope ds2 will have a nap along the way (he's not very good at daytime sleep)
After it's home for ds1 to play in the garden with our dog who he loves while coming in & out for various toys or to watch cbeebies for the 3 minutes it holds his attention for. Ds2 will probably be fed & spend some time in his bumbo playing with a toy being chatted to by me or dh. Then it's lunch & ds1's nap & dh goes to work.
Ds2 goes in his door bouncer (only time it's safe for him to as ds1 thinks it's a swing & wants to push him in it!) while I tidy up the chaos of the morning
Ds2 gets fed & has a sleep on me, he won't sleep anywhere else & we've tried everything we can think of to be able to put him down but he wakes up instantly.
Ds1 wakes up which means so does ds2 as can't / won't be put down & we go in the garden so ds1 can run around, look for birds & planes,ds2 has tummy time, try sitting & rolling & maybe all have a story.
Then more feeding ds2 while ds1 plays indoors & has cbeebies in the background (he doesn't sit glued to it, watches for a few minutes then is on to the next thing but really likes the music & songs.

We have dinner just the 3 of us as dh is at work so me & ds1 sit at the table with ds2 in his bumbo. Ds2 unless I've managed to somehow get him to have a power nap (usually just before tea if it's going to happen on my lap while ds2 plays, I help him colour, read) Then he's getting tired & grumpy.
More garden / playtime while I tidy up quickly & we watch in the night garden together while I top up ds2 before the chaos of bedtime.
Ds1 goes up to bed & I get him ready with ds2 in the cot, sometimes he's fine with this if he's not too tired other times he crys
ds2 & I go back down for a feed & a power nap while ds1 goes to sleep (I darent chance ds2 screaming his head off upstairs if he's tired or hungry & setting ds1 off)
Then ds2 & I have a shower & I settle him for bed.

I am trying to juggle things as best I can but feel like I'm doing a crap job of it. I worry that ds1 doesn't get enough interaction or play with us & I worry that ds2 doesn't either. I think back to the things I did with ds1like lots of floor time play & in his bouncer but some of its just not always safe with ds1 around. He adores his baby brother but he's barely more than a baby himself so just doesn't understand that he can't do things like swing him in a door way. I worry that ds2 doesn't get enough daytime sleep but with ds1 around its really hard to settle him for just when he's fallen asleep ds1 will want a biscuit,drink of water, apple & will start tugging at me to get it for him or will drop something / make some kind of loud noise. I can't go upstairs to settle ds2 as that would mean leaving ds1 downstairs on his own. I feel horribly guilty at tea time / ds1's bedtime if ds2 is tired & grumpy as he cries because he wants me to pick him up & cuddle him or comfort feed but I can't always do it right away as I'm sorting ds1 out. I try to comfort him by singing, a quick pat, a toy to play with but usually only mummy will do. It breaks my heart.
Any suggestions or advice?
Sorry it was so long.

I don't have the answer to this, but your post is so close to my own experience that reading it cut close to the bone and I wanted to say that it sounds like you are doing a good job, your boys are getting all their essential needs met in a caring and sensible manner, and that is the key thing you need to do atm.

In my experience, time was the best resolution to this issue. My DS2 had quite bad separation anxiety, whereas DS1 had none at all - like your DS2, only mummy would do. He also had bad reflux so he was very often uncomfortable and miserable. It all just felt worse for that, since he required even more of my time, leaving even less for DS1. But with every major developmental stage - rolling, sitting, walking, talking - DS2 has become more content and independant and things have become easier.

That said, that feeling of guilt is something that I have never really overcome, in fact I saw your post after writing my own plea for advice on finding more quality time for my kids!! So I'm not exactly a sage on the subject. But make the most of the good weather, get out plenty (if you have a double buggy, get out and get walking, which is a cheeky way of 'being out' with the kids whist actually having some exercise and mental downtime while they sit there quietly) and take every possible offer of help. If you you a parent or a friend around who can take DS1 out for a bit, then he gets a good run out and some quality time while you get time with DS2 and yourself for a couple hours. It's almost as good as a rest :).

Also my DS1 also thought the door bouncer was a swing! Luckily, ours held upout until my chunky monkey outgrew it. Didn't take long!

Sounds as though you're doing really well - everyone is eating, sleeping (mostly) and playing. All I'd say is do less tidying up! Can you carry the baby in a sling and push your ds1 in a light pram? Go for hot chocolate when the baby is asleep?

You can't give each of them 100% of you. It's not possible. You also can't give them 50% of you each as you need to sleep and relax too. DS2 will have a different life experience to DS1. It will be enriched by having an older brother around, but he won't get the same amount of 1 on 1 time that his brother did. Those are the facts and it sounds like you are doing a bloody brilliant job of doing what you can for both of them.

You are at such a hard stage and it does slowly get easier as they both get a bit older.

Don't beat yourself up. It sounds like you are doing a great job. You can't expect to have the same interaction with and attention for the second one as you did for the first, but never forget the second one has the huge bonus of a ready made playmate right from the off - someone to make him smile and give him hugs and kisses and in no time at all they'll be playing with each other for real. I have two, two years apart, and my advice would be give the attention to ds1 - he's the one who might be missing the attention he had when he was the only one - ds2 doesn't know any better. At bedtime I used to bath them together, settle my ds (the youngest) then when he was calm give my attention to dd. Ds would occasionally grizzle, but very quickly learned to self settle this way (much more quickly than dd who I wouldn't have let grizzle for a moment). This is the hardest bit, but it will be over in a flash and before you know it you'll be like me (mine are ten and 12 now) reading a thread like this and feeling nostalgic for those early days. You sound like a great mum - enjoy your lovely boys.

Jesus! I'm expecting dc2 and have a 2 year old, I think your doing a fabulous job!!!! You sound totally in control and it's all figured out! Your been way way too hard on yourself. your great ! God I hope I'm half as organised as that. Just enjoy the time your spending with them. Sounds like you have a lively family

Thanks for your replies & words of encouragement & kindness. We did have a shaky start with ds2 in that he had bad silent reflux that was only treated at 8 weeks that was being caused by a tt which was treated at 14 weeks so most of that time was spent in an endless cycle of feeding,crying & comforting. Ds2 definitely needs a bit more of the cuddles & reassurance than ds1 who has been fiercely independent since day 1.
Ds1 is bright as a button & learns really quickly & I don't want his development to slow down. Equally I worry that ds2 isn't developing as quickly as he could be.
We don't have anyone who can help nearby either so if really is all on me.