well seems to me he doesn't know the value of things?
i dont punish for accidents even if they are expensive - the punishment will affect the whole family anyway - ie. no we cant do that/go there as we can't afford it - just had t pay out XXX to fix the shower etc.
i would shout and punish for disrespectful behaviour.
my children have chores. they live here its only fair. if they want some money - they do an extra chore for instance - my girl wants money for her mobile phone.
she has tried to get a paperround but to no avail. I will not let her do babysitting - i think its too much responsability for a 13 yr old and there are sefety implications that i am unhappy with.
so after we discussed this she still needs the money and i came to the decision that she should. tidy her bedroom - not just an ordinary tidy - but a shit hot spotless tidy for which she wasn't going to get paid - but without which she wouldnt get the money! she must tidy the bathroom and the toilet - this means clean the toilet itself inside and out. sink bath floors tiles.
hall stairs and landing - we do not have a hoover! lobby.
she agreed.
if my boy had been disrespectful - cubs or scouts wouldnt be an option that week and all other activity would be out too.
no playing out with friends.
bedroom after school - games consoles atc. down stairs. for one night - each time he was disrespectful.
however i have a tone of voice which does not allow this behaviour.
it is a soft low firm voice a deliberate voice which sounds every letter in every word. i dont use it often.
before going to visit older relatives. in the car i always remind my children to say please and thank you. to refuse any money which is offered unless i give them the nod becuase said old person is protesting and being persistantover the money giving.
i tell them to not be boisterous as older people find this disconcerting. i tell them to get a gameboy, book, some other activity to keep themselves occupied whilst me and said old person speak for elongated time.
i remind them not to ask for anything - if they want something to eat - eat it now. As making a sandwich - can be quite a long process for an older person which involves lots of standing.
i remind them that they are a refection of my family and as such i expect a certain standard of behaviour. their behaviour reflects how other people see our family. I will not tolerate other people thinking badly of them when i know they are good people, they let themselves and me and dad down by doing so.
i am infamous for lecturing. i would sit my child down in an instant and give a lecture on good manners and or consideration for others.
punishments should not be drawn out - they lose their effect.
rewards for older children IME ( and i have used other systems) have to be spontanious. therefore they do not attach money with doing thngs they should do.
so for instance. today we went to a car boot. dd bought some roller blades for £2 ( bargain) but they were super heavy to carry for the duration of super big car boot.
ds carried one roller blade for his sister - refused to let me carry it to give im a break ( i'm a laydee!) he paid for a nailvarnish and a bracelet that i bought becuase dh had walked ahead and i had no money on me. he pointed out things for me, walked at my pace, offered to buy things etc. an all round super kid.
so when i got some money off dh when we caught up - i told him he had been super and when he looked at a game for £1 - i bought it.