3 year old boy - not sure about his development - need more opinions

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I have just come back from a drop-in session with a speech and language therapist. Our DS seems to have a language delay but I am also wondering if there is something else not quite 'right' and it would be great to get some more views of other parents.
Firstly, he is bi-lingual so we always expected a delay and were re-assured by health visitors. He is surrounded by English probably 75% of the time, the rest is my language. He puts sentences together, understands instructions and questions and can switch between the two languages. Though he does not really 'speak' my language as such, he mixes it up with English but only when he is with me.
His pronounciation of English is still quite poor but improving. His language development seems to be progressing but only very very slowly. We never had a language explosion that many seem to describe. His vocab seems to be ok now though.
Our main concern is that we cannot have a proper conversation with him. For example, when we pick him up from the childminder and ask him what toys he played with he does not seem to get it, he just keeps mentioning the names of the kids he played with rather than the toys. Our childminder said that he is not able to express his feelings although my DH and I do not really agree - for example my DH read a book to him where he said he was very sad about a dinosaur who had no friends.
He seems to talk about quite random stuff all the time. He has an obsession with monsters and talks about them a lot, something like 'the monsters are coming' etc. When our builder was in the house he kept talking about the train crashing into the bridge.
He is finding it hard to cope with change. For example when I had a friend over with her daughter and then we decided to go to the museum and she and her DD went into their car and I wanted to take my DS in ours he freaked as he really wanted to stay where her DD is - he didn't seem to get that we would be seeing her again in a short while.
He is also very stubborn and prone to tantrums but i guess that's not unusual at this age.
The speech and language nurse seemed to really pick up on the lack of proper back and forth conversations but did not want to draw any conclusions. She referred us to speech therapy, but waiting times are really long.
I am just wondering if there are others out there whose kids showed similar behaviour but then progressed normally.
Thanks for reading this far.

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I see similarities with my 3 year old and we are just starting a programme of speech therapy and help with his development delay. I know how worried you must be as well. Look forward to reading posts from others....

So he seems to have some difficulty with both receptive and expressive language. The meltdown you describe re. the car came about through him, not grasping that he would see his friend again shortly...this in itself is not unusual in a 3 year old...but the lack of back and forth conversation is unusual so it is a cause for concern....however, many children have their explosion a little later on in life...with no problems lingering.

Can I ask, does your son like playing with other children and does he play in an imaginative way? Pretending one thing is something else for instance...turning a shoe box into a boat for example? What in the main are his favourite play activities?

"I am just wondering if there are others out there whose kids showed similar behaviour but then progressed normally."

Yes, me, but it took an enormous amount of work, both to develop the language and to help him get normal social experiences despite his uneven development. It was all worth it though.

I would home in on the understanding problems (receptive language delay) because these are more important than speaking problems at the end of the day. Don't be afraid to use materials written for kids with autism. These materials will work for your child too - I shied away from anything with "autism" in the title for a long time and regret this now.

My son is like this. He is also very sensitive to some noises etc. he is waiting for a second Salt appointment to check his receptive language skills. Often you say something like ' what colour is this cup?' And he, fully listening, watching and engaged responds with ' chicken' or something else completely unconnected. He talks a lot but about his own pre determined subjects not very often responding to direct questions/ conversations. I sometimes read in the press about aspergers and a lot rings true with ds but other bits don't fit. He plays alongside other children and 'with' them to some extent but doesn't understand games they play unless they are running around shrieking which he can watch and copy.
I think Salt is the way to go and see what progress he makes. Thanks for posting I sometimes feel a bit alone with wondering if ds has serious issues or just a slight delay in learning.

Agree "It Takes Two To Talk" is a great place to start. Expensive (think price of a pair of boots) but very much worth it.

We were in a similar situation with bi-lingual Ds (now 6). As there was a long waiting list for the NHS SALT we decided to go private in the meantime.
The Hanen centre books are great.
www.hanen.org/Home.aspx
www.amazon.co.uk/More-Than-Words-Communication-Children/dp/0921145144

Hi all, thanks for all your responses and sorry about the delayed response! I am glad there are others with similar experiences. I will look into the book recommendations. The referral to SALT is on its way but I think we will probably pay for it privately rather than wait for ages.
Regarding the question on imaginative play.. He seems to live in his own dream world of pirates, monsters and dinosaurs! He just doesn't seem to be able/ want to talk about the everyday stuff.
Off to check out "It takes two to talk"..

Interesting thread, DS is 2.10 and very late at speaking.
We are in France but are british so he is in a bilingual environment.
He has been seeing a psychologist to assess him. (Hearing etc has alreayd been checked.)

Psychologist thinks it is just he bilingual environment, and he is developing more in other areas 9very physical and very good motor skills,) but i am not so sure.
We had friends staying for a month over the summer with a 23month and almost 3 year-old (both girls). The younger girl could speak more than DS, although his pronunciation was clearer than hers.

The older girl was very articulate and that made me a bit as i know that DS understands everything but i have no idea what he really thinks about things. He tends to just mime / point or physically take us to what he wants.

Next Psychoclogist appointment is on Wednesday, so i am going to insist that we get referred to speech therapist. He starts maternelle next week, and i don't want him to get left even further behind as i don't think he understands much French. (Hard to judge as he probably only has about 20 clear words in English.)

I would recommend seeing a Neuro / Developmental Paediatrician, as they will be able to see beyond the verbal language delay and spot any signs, within his playing, of any concerns. Together, with your input on how he is socially and in the home environment, should help in getting some kind of diagnosis. Good luck.

My husband has just found this article which we found very enlightening and I thought I should share... littlechildren.wordpress.com/2007/10/17/why-isnt-my-little-boy-talking/

imme very interesting article.
DS does have the expressive language delay, often just using "umm" when he does not know the correct word or cannot mime it.

He is way off the 200 word vocabulary (only about 20) and doesn't even use 2 word phrases.

I just don't want him to get frustrated at maternelle and misbehave because he is not understood (this is without the issue of it all being in French.)

Am going to see what psychologist says about SALT, because DS wants to talk, he just can't.

Also his older half-brother (DPs older son) had speech therapy and it appears that language delay can run in families.

I am getting a bit frustrated as i knew this was an issue as DS was approaching age 2, and i feel a bit fobbed off by the professionals and being in 2 countries has not helped me getting a consistent approach / help.

@imme how is your child now?
I have a three year old struggling as well