Help, Advice, Reassurance needed about my 4 yr old boy.

[windypops]

My DS aged 4.25, he goes to playschool and was put on report several months ago to monitor his behaviour, they said he was not agressive, just excitable and jumping up and down sort of thing, poor concentration, they also said that when he gets angry/frustrated he didn't take it out on the other kids it was like he was going to emplode. I started him about 6 weeks ago on fish oil (eye-q), after a few weeks they said that he seemed to calm down and be less wound up, but today they called me aside and said he seemed to be getting wound up again and yesterday he picked up a pair of scissors and cut a little girls ear and made it bleed, I was devastated, All I could get from Ds was dont know why he did it.

Obviously with school starting in September I am deeply worried.

I just wondered if any of this story rung any bells and anyone could offer some advice as this is making me very tearful.

I will try anything.

He is an only child, lives with myself and my DH and I am a sahm. He seems to be very good one on one, but as soon as someone else comes round or he is in a group he acts up and gets all silly.

TIA

Some bells ringing here.

DS started school in January, and for about a year before we have had issues with his nursery about his behaviour. Partly him getting wound up for no apparent reason, and partly down to their bad handling of the situation (IMO).

I have been at my wits end about it all, and feeling like the worst mother ever. There have been some things that have really helped though:

1. Change of diet - removal of all the enumbers that the hyperactive childrens society say send children doolally (I have a list if you want it, please feel free to contact); also he has bad reactions to chocolate and eggs so they have been removed from his diet.

2. Giving him a multivitamin supplement every day.

3. Going to see HV and Dr about his behaviour - which was only really a problem at nursery, not at home with me and DD. He had undiagnosed glue ear, which made it difficult for him in a noisy atmosphere as he couldn't concentrate well and got stressed easily as he couldn't hear properly.

Since he started school there has been a remarkable improvement. His teacher is really consistent in her handling of his behaviour and he has responded well to it - he now has consistent treatment at home and at school, nursery were giving him mixed messages and not being firm enough. My DS needs very firm rules and firm handling which he respects and responds to. He loves rules to follow as it makes him feel secure and know what to expect, and how he is expected to behave, and the consequences of not doing what is expected - does that make sense??

I have also found out that DS was bullied by one of the children at nursery, but only found out since he left. This other child would say really cruel and aggressive things to my DS to wind him up, but do it when no-one else was looking or listening. and being a bit senstive this would naturally have set him off, and it still affects him now even though we never see this other child.

DS is a big boy for his age (well above the 99.6 centile on the charts height wise)and being a big boy his reactions are big - a 4 year old mind in an 8 year old body IYSWIM - and so we are trying to give him other ways of expressing himself - using words to express how he feels, role playing to help him find things to say etc.

He is also a very bright child and was bored and unchallenged at nursery, and ready for school about a year early, which naturally made him frustrated as he could do everything in about half the time the others could and then had to wait for them to catch up - he is not a patient child in that respect, so it didn't help!!!

I hope that some things here help, or give you ideas. If I can be of any help at all please let me know. You may have to try a few things before you hit on the right one, por it may be a combination, like for us. But I promise it will get better, it just feels like it never will at the time.

Windypops and Wedgiesmum - this sounds so like my ds1 at this age. He just seemed to 'feel things' very strongly, and would get VERY excited, VERY angry, VERY upset - and very physical with it all. He was in a nursery 2.5 hrs a week until he was 5.2: They had a LOT of freedom and choices there, and it was just completely the wrong place for him to be (in retrospect).

There are threads on here dating way back 2 years ago about how I was feeling when I got his report at the end of nursery.

When he started school we deliberately chose a very formal, traditional, strict school ... if he pushes them they will give him a rule for everything - which he loves, it makes him feel much more secure. He is - apparently - a model pupil, is well above average in every subject, and on the school's register of gifted children, he is also the tallest child in the year of 60 children, despite being a summer birthday ... So you will see why your story, and WM's story rung bells with me.

Btw WM - are you still up for a meet-up in half term? Pick a day! Do you want to come here?

Thanks for your replies. It helps to feel as though you are not the only one.

DS is taller for his age and is very bright at a lot of things, but lately he seems to be going backward (ie used to be able to count to 20, now starting to get it wrong).

Something happened a while back and it was reported what DS did, but another mum came up to me and said that she was there and that wasn't what actually happened, he was provoked (which they didn't notice).

All Ds said was that he wanted to cut her hair, and sure he didn't mean any harm, but really upsetting me and worrying about problems at school.

I already cut all E numbers, but taken away videos like Harry potter etc etc, to see if that has any baring as some are quite graphic for a U and PG.

Thanks again