Nursery says DD(21mnths) behaviour isn't normal....worried

[Haddock73]

DD is very bright, lovely and kind.

She has recently started pulling tantrums when she doesn't get her own way, but nothing that I think is out of the ordinary - collapsing to the floor crying no, tears, etc when she doesn't get her own way sometimes and it's always short lived.

Anyway, she has recently become hysterical if you try to take away certain items of hers - her favourite teddy, cardigan and sandals.

She literally cries and cries and becomes hysterical if these items are amen away from her. Even when it's very not she insists on her shoes and cardigan being on.

I took this to be normal toddler behaviour - being attached to certain items etc and just a phase. If distracted enough, she will give up the cardigan, shoes etc.

Nursery raised their concerns about her "odd" behaviour, and said mother children bring a teddy to nursery and have this odd attachment to certain items of clothing.

I've been worried about it and don't know what to do. DH thinks its normal toddler behaviour. dd is very smart (lots of talking, can count to 10, sentences, good attention span etc) and I'm wondering is this a sign of autism? Or are nursery making a big deal out of nothing?

Wow, have you got any other childcare options? This does not sound like a good place.

From your description of the staff turnover I would be looking for another nursery or a CM. I don't know if there might be a regional variation in staff turnover, but in the two nurseries DD has been in I think the turnover might be 10% a year (mostly retirement or not coming back from maternity leave), not pretty much all of the staff in 6 months.

DD's nursery encouraged us to give DD a muslin regularly when she was small so that she would get attached to her "muzzie" and therefore have a washable and replaceable attachment object.

Your daughter's behaviour is so normal, I'd actually be quite concerned that any childcare worker with a basic qualification and some experience would describe it as 'odd'.

I say that as a mum of 3 and a childminder. I also think that level of attachment to objects when a child is in a childcare setting is even more to be expected because a)being away from their parents might lead to them needing a bit of extra security and reassurance and b) they're in an environment where EVERYTHING has to be shared, none of the toys are their own. I'm sure for some kids this means they feel a need to have something of their very own.

Is there any scope for looking elsewhere for childcare?

Well you just described my DS1 at that age. He had a teddy called Milton who he was so in love with from about 20 months. He slept with it, carried it around, took it everywhere with him. He even took it to nursery school with him when he first started just after his third birthday (August baby). He just kept it in his bag and wanted to know it was there. The teacher was aware of it and said it was fine. He never needed to get it out his bag, just knowing it was ther was enough for him to feel settled. I wouldn't have dreamed of removing that from him.

It's certainly not out the ordinary. In fact attachment to transitional objects has been shown to be beneficial at improving kid's confidence and wellbeing whilst away from their care givers.

He's 6 now and never mentions Milton! Although he does still sit on DS's drawers in his bedroom !

DS2 is 19 months and whilst isn't attached to a particular object or item of clothing, he does have a meltdown if I remove anything from him, be it his shoes, his cup, whatever he has in his hands etc. It's normal toddler behaviour. DS1 was exactly the same and is absolutely fine.

I am shocked the nursery would say it was odd.

Another one here who thinks maybe you should rethink the childcare facility that you're using. Particularly as at this age children absorb what goes on around them like sponges. Their view of her as 'odd' may end up making her feel different from the others which is definitely NOT what you would want. She is totally normal.

Monitor it and if anything else happens, I would definitely have a look for somewhere else.

Dear me , dd was terribly clingy between 6 months and about 3, was very tricky to leave anywhere. Took her teddy along as a comforter and even when she started school she had a special tissue ! She too would cry hysterically for no apparent reason. She is 12 now, perfectly normal if a bit shy at times. Do they not have much experience of toddlers , suggest you look for another setting if possible.

Nothing wrong with a toddler being attached to a comfort object and something a little bit dodgy about a nursery that goes into overdrive over a bitten finger. How are they going to cope if there is a serious accident one day?

I would be looking for a new nursery for all the reasons already mentioned.
I work in a nursery and am dismayed that there are still nurseries out there that just don't seem to have a clue.
The behaviour your DD is showing s more than likely a reaction to the many staff changes in the nursery, To her, her teddy/cardigan etc are the only constants.

insancerre I didn't think of it like that, perhaps she's insecure at nursery because of the high turnover of staff.

Otherwise she seems very happy there and a reluctant to take her it and restart the settling process as she loves it there, and talks about her little friends a lot, but I am very glad to hear her behaviour is normal!

Staffing is the best indication of whether a nursery is any good. That level of staff turnover, your DD being insecure there, and their lack of knowledge and understanding of child development is all pretty concerning. Have you read the Ofsted report?

The ofsted report is 'good" all 2's, on par with all the other nurseries in the area. Not sure why all the staff are leaving, although they do seem to be very over worked and asked to fill in reports for the children as late as 8pm at nit (software system).