DS always returns from GPs behaving like a nightmare

[sleepcrisis]

Hi,

Just wondered if anyone had any advice. DS often spends the afternoon with MIL who spoils him rotten and does silly things like give him a snack at 5pm when he eats dinner at 5.30. But I am very grateful for the help especially now as I have been suffering with terrible morning sickness so she has had him twice or three times a week.

Recently, when he gets back, he is a nightmare - she is definitely partly to blame as she has started bringing him home at 6pm when he'd usually have eaten by then, but he charges into the house completely wired and screeching, throws himself into the garden and starts slamming his car door, for example, or charging around with his buggy. Quite hurried, agressive behaviour. Completely barges past me and ignores me. Then he'll sit down for dinner, eat 3 mouthfuls and then demand fruit or climb out of his chair. By which time its time for bath and bed.

Tonight he point blank refused dinner so I refused to give him his beloved strawberries. I've never with held fruit or yogurt before so felt a bit bad but he didn't really complain. Then after his bath he was starving and begging for a snack. I have never, ever relented to this before but never has he eaten such a small dinner, so I gave in and he had a banana with his bedtime milk. He also plays up massively at bedtime when he's been out with her.

I'm sure that this behaviour is linked to hunger and tiredness (she gives him a snack, but its usually raisins/fruit and often late in the afternoon when he's already over tired and over hungry? With me he has a snack around 3pm)

I have tried asking her to stick to my routine but it doesn't work - she just can't say no to him. Last week she gave him an ice cream at 5.15pm!!! I'm really worried he's getting a little too used to this and is going to become spoilt.

The other thing that concerns me is maybe he's angry with me for letting him go more frequently - am SAHM and his afternoons away from me have gone from 1-3 per week, plus my time with him has been hindered by my morning sickness anyway.

It's making me so sad as I've not had to deal with 'bad' behaviour yet and this monster that's appearing is quite new to me :(

Oh btw he's 2.2 and this seems to have coincided with a minor potty training regression having been dry well over a month.

I wouldn't worry that he's angry with you for 'letting him go' of he gets to spend that time with GPs.

I think your MIL is well meaning but it might be worth just having a friendly conversation with her. Not being able to say no doesn't help your DS when little ones need clear boundaries. Your MIL might be surprised that her treats have this knock on effect.

Also, remember kids appetites can vary. It sounds like he is getting a lot of healthy snacks and intake. It wouldbe if he was asking you for cakes / sweets, but iI don't think relenting and giving him a banana is going to price to be to much of a disaster.

It also sounds like you have a lovely family and that you're a great mum doing a wonderful job and are thankful for your MILs help. Best of luck during your pregnancy and for the new arrival!

I agree with you that the bad behavior is due to him being over-tired. And when my DS is that tired and badly behaved he won't eat either. I don't think he's angry with you.

How you deal with it completely depends on your relationship with your MIL. Thinking of the temperament of a couple of the MILs I know or know of, one of the following might work:

Faking a "special diet we've been told to try by the doctor to help regulate his blood sugar" which includes a rule of no snacks after 3pm then a healthy balanced tea at around 5pm (because as far as some people of that generation are concerned, the word of a doctor is law!) - initially say we are supposed to trial it really strictly for 4 weeks to see if it works, as she'd be less likely to conform if it's supposed to be for ever.

Not telling her what to do at all, but asking her to come up with the correct solution having explained the symptoms and causes but claiming to be at your wits end to think of a solution.

We call it post-grandparent syndrome and ime they all suffer from it. The 12yo is better now, but you still see slight effects of it. For mine it's that they go from being the only one with the world slightly revolving round them (chosing meals, going out for trips etc) to being one of three in usual routine including chores.

Could you give him more substantial lunch, assuming he is home for lunch, then using ' special diet/ blood sugar regulating story' send a packed lunch for him to eat between 4.30/5pm, my ds is 2.1 and will often eat a bit earlier than his friends, this would then mean he sort of is 'snacking' but on mini sandwiches, breadsticks, cheese cubes, fruit etc and box of raisins if mil feels compelled!
I give ds a couple of oatcakes with butter and cheese around 6pm as a pre bed snack, he doesn't like pre bed milk, imagine banana a good idea if he prefers?

Thanks for the replies. I've been thinking about it a lot today. I am fairly certain it is overtiredness - I really need to chat to MIL and lay down a few ground rules.

I'm sure 'post-grandparent syndrome' is fairly common. I just need her to get him back slightly earlier and no snacks after 3.30. Actually aybe I will get DH to speak to her!

It's particularly annoying as by all accounts, she was super strict with DH as a kid, especially around eating! He was notoriously the kid at school who didn't get choc bars or crips, he got sticks of organic, unsweetened liquorice instead!

re his behaviour which is hyper tell a white lie and say that the health visitor has set a """diet """"" for him and no sugary sweet stuff after 2pm. take your own treats and insist these are the ones that are given. OR let him have a sleep over and see what happens....... good luck