Tantrums

[Sao89]

My 14 month old daughter has recently started butting the floor, throwing herself back, biting her own hand or pulling her own hair out, hitting, biting and butting myself and her 4 year old sister.
She was such a relaxed content happy pleasant little baby but now she's growing she's acting awful.
Sometimes it's over nothing at all other times its because she wants something and can't have get to it as only crawling still.
People have told me its just for attention but I'm a full time stay at home mum and not blowing my own trumpet but I try spend a much time interacting and playing and having fun with my two girls as possible.
If I ignore her she does it more if I tell her off which I already know wont work she does it more.
The doctor told me she will stop when she hurts herself this worries me she's already bust her lip which was pouring with blood and a bruised eye lid!
Help please any advice

I'm more inclined to think frustration rather than attention. How is her communication? I have never used signing but that is meant to be a good way of teaching communication before speech.

It could be she is going through a huge developmental phase and will come out of it the other side.

I think you need strategies to cope with the tantrums, rather than try to stop them. Personally I ignore as much as possible so as not to 'feed' it, but if she's at risk of hurting herself then maybe holding her tightly, but no eye contact or talking?

Sorry not to be much help.

To clarify, I don't mean holding tightly to restrain her as such, but a secure cuddle with some 'shushing'.

Sorry I can't link but ahaparenting has lots of useful information on how to deal with toddlers.

I don't ignore DS when he is upset. Tantrums are an inherent part of growing up and I would not want him to learn that his intense feelings are inappropriate. Instead I sit with him, ensure that he does not hurt himself or anyone else and acknowledge his feelings. For example; ' you want me to give you another biscuit. They are really yummy and you would like another one. I'm sorry but I am not going to give you another one today. We will eat dinner in a little while....'.

He will not necessarily stop tantruming, but I feel like I am taking his feelings seriously when I respond in this way.

Ohforfoxsake thank you her development and speech is really good in my eyes she's really clever can say words copy tell you what she wants answers yes or no she's just lazy not walking I tried to hold her ab she has like super human strength she butts back an hurts you ha

I just thought because I was told she wanted attention if I held her I'm giving her what she wants but what's the alternative let her harm herself

Children often tantrum and throw themselves around at this age and it isn't for attention. It can turn into attention seeking if they learn that throwing themselves on the floor sends you into a spin and gets them lots of lovely attention and whatever it was they wanted in the first place. They don't do it for attention unless you have taught them to.

It's fine to hold children when they are upset if that's what they want. You can be a calming presence to help them feel secure without running round in circles pandering to them to try to stop the tantrum. Stay with her, move her to softer surfaces if she's at risk of hurting herself and be available for hugs when she's ready.

I am surprised and a bit concerned that she is injuring herself quite significantly. Most children will hit their head, bite their hand, etc but only until it hurts. Then they stop or reduce the force they're using.

If that continues or gets worse I would ask the GP for a referral to a paediatrician.

This is what's worrying me I've seen the doctor at least the two times where she bust her lip, an cut/bruised her eyelid and they told me when she hurts herself shell stop how is that not hurting herself? Or a shit doctor?

I'm not sure how you can split your lip or bruise your eye without hurting yourself.

It may be that she has learned from those episodes that doing those things hurts and she will now stop. If that's the case and she takes a bit more care in the future the GP's theory holds.

However, if she carries on injuring herself she clearly isn't learning and I'd want to check out why.

If you were leaving those marks on her they'd have SS in like a shot so it doesn't seem appropriate to ignore her doing it to herself.

If your gut feeling is that she should be referred to a paediatrician, go back to your GP and insist. You'd be far from the first parent to do it

Thank you I know I felt a bit deflated when I got back I was asking for help an he seemed disinterested! Well 10 minutes later she did it again without hesitation after hurting herself she's tough! I'm just really worried last thing I want is my child in pain but she's causing it herself continuously I will go back I didn't know whether I was overreacting because that's what the doctor made me think!

If your instincts are telling you that this is not quite right trust them. They are usually a good guide.

Any referral is likely to take several weeks to come through and, if she's stopped by that time, you can always cancel the appointment.

I was told that my 12 year old's behaviour was perfectly normal teenager tantrums but it turned out she had Asperger's and an anxiety disorder. I think it's really hard to differentiate between a parent who is exaggerating about normal behaviour and one who is describing something they should be concerned about.

You know your child best. Stick politely to your guns and insist on a referral for further assessment by a paediatrician.

Wow see it just shows mums know best I will thanks for all your information and support appreciate it

I had a headbanger. I went to the hv after a particularly violent episode that resulted in a massive bruise to the forehead.

She in turn referred me to a child psychologist/parenting class where I had one on one to talk about tantrums and how to deal with the violent outbursts.

Was a turning point in my parenting and confidence.

I then looked on MN and saw many children doing this. Knowing that when the communication skills catches up with the comprehension skills it will be a bit easier for DD made my life a bit better.

I know my DD understood more than she was able to express led to a lot of the frustration and not being able to communicate her wants and needs and why I might say no was a lot to do with it.

It does get better, it does pass, it will be more manageable in time