8 year old swearing and shouting

[davyatsea]

Hi there. I'm sure I've been on here about similar behaviour before, but 8 year old ds is becoming out of control. When asked to do something he desn't want to do, he shouts, answers back and regularly resorts to swearing. I work away 2/3 nights a week, so dw is having to deal with this onslaught, along with looking after our 2 yr old dd as well as running the house. Coupled with dd waking early almost every day (well before 6am), this is almost getting too much for dw, and she has ran out of ideas. We have sought help to deal with ds's behaviour as he almost seems depressed at times, but have struggled to find the right advice. Getting him out of the house and getting him to contribute to basic household chores is a battle, and dw often has to give into him for a quiet life, and to avoid arguements. We have no family local, so have little to no help. He quite simply comes accross like a 'spolied brat', who kicks off when he doesn't get his own way.

Only last night, he had his tea, went to football training, and came back, expecting waitress cafe service with request after request for food. DW gave intohim, providing the food. I advised that dw didnt cook any more as it was getting late (9pm). She agreed, but provided him the food to avoid him shouting and waking up his sister, who was in bed. If I had made my feelings known, there would have been aguements (AGAIN!), so I was left biting my tongue and having to allow this behaviour to happen. By the time me and dw get to discuss things, it is so late that we are both tired.

I've got my own theories regarding consequences for bad behaviour/swearing etc, but CAMHS said that banning things such as xbox etc wasnt a fair consequence. I could stop him going to footbal club, but not sure if I had DW agreement on this. It just seems like ds has got the upper hand on this one. DW admits, she struggles to say no. I had a firm but fair upbringing, whereas dw had a much more 'cuddly' upbringing. Sorry to lay down so much here, but any advice would be really useful. Many thanks.

Anyone out there??

That all sounds really stressful for you all. You mention CAMHS - if they are already involved with your ds then is this something that can be part of what you discuss with them? Does your ds have a diagnosis of a mental health problem or identified special needs? What do school say about him - does he display the same behaviour there?

What I would say is that you and your dw need to agree on whatever strategy you decide, and then stick to it absolutely. No strategy will work if one of you gives in. Your dw really has to stick to what you say you are going to do, even when it is hard work. Giving in to avoid arguments or for a quiet life will make things worse.

Is there anyway you can organise a day where you and your dw can spend some time on your own away from both children? I know you don't have family locally, but do you have friends who could have them for a morning/afternoon, or could you visit family? I think you both could use some time together to regroup and discuss things.

Hi all, Many thanks for advice so far. DS has been at his nans for past few days. We picked him up today and dropped off dd with nan. DW and I have agreed to a time limit for late supper requests, as it turns out that nan has bent over backwards, and fuelled his obsession. He was aware of boundaries, but still tried to push them. DW and I had chance to take stock a bit and rethink out approach with ds.
As for day together, we are long overdue one. The only snag is, we can only do this when ds is at school and dd is at nursery. Most of our time off is to reduce the cost of childcare, so getting time together is at a premium, but we do try and do this when we can.