19 month old hair pulling... BAD!!

[Sophiebeau]

My daughter plays lovely when she's in her own but as soon as their is another child around she pulls their hair and drags them to the floor for no apparent reason. Even when a child is just walking past she lashes out! Have tried distracting her, the naughty step, putting her in her cot, shouting but nothing seems to be working. It's making me avoid letting her socialise with other children. Please help! I don't want to raise a bully :(

I don't think she can be a bully at this age. She probably has no idea it's not OK to do this. I think a firm "no!" and removing her from the situation every time she does it would sort it out. It's a pain for you to have it monitor her all the time, but I wouldn't stop her socialising completely.

I think shouting and the naughty step are no good at all for such a young age, and I'd suggest you need a bit more consistency in approach, as by trying a few different things you have probably confused her a bit. A stern "no" and putting her somewhere else, where's she not getting attention for a few moments, should help her understand this is a bad thing to do.

So What's the difference between removing her from the situation and the naughty step?

The naughty step is for children that can understand what they are doing is wrong and that they are on the naughty step. IMO 19 months is too young for this approach to work. Jo Frost suggests using the naughty step approach from 2 yrs old.

I would agree with the strategy of closely supervising her when other children are around. See if you can intervene just before she tries to do this, or if she's too quick, pick her up and say "no" firmly. Move her elsewhere and ignore her for a moment or two.

By the naughty step, you mean putting her on a step which you say is "naughty step" and leaving here there for a set amount of time? I would not be considering this until at least 2.5 or 3 yrs old if I were going to use it at all. At 19 months she won't understand and will just either be upset and confused or laugh and think its a game!

By removing her, I mean literally pick her up, say a stern "no!" and plonk her down on the floor a little bit away from you so she doesn't get a big fuss and attention. Then just ignore her for a few seconds - up to about a minute I suppose, but I wouldn't make it any longer as she'll have forgotten already what she's done! If she comes back and wants to carry on playing, then keep a sharp eye on her and if necessary repeat the process. None of this "you will stay there for 3 minutes" stuff that you get with the naughty step - she's just much too young.