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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Toddler biting baby

10 replies

backinaminute · 12/08/2013 13:54

I have ds, 2.5 and an 8mo old baby. My oldest ds has never been particularly aggressive but we have a real problem about him biting the baby. He doesn't bite anyone else and I am at the end of my tether with it and have no idea what to do.

It's not done in anger which is what makes it hard to deal with and to prevent. We have just got back from nursery, everyone was happy and pottering about and ds1 went to cuddle his brother, ds2 was smiling and then from no where he sunk his teeth into his forehead, breaking the skin. Baby was obviously distraught so I sent ds1 to the naughty step and cuddled the baby to calm him down. I really shouted at ds1 to get on the naughty step (where he sat and sang songs). We've had a big chat (again) about how we don't bite and to my shame said 'if you bite ds2 I will bite you'. I was just so angry and do not believe in any form of smacking and certainly not in biting my own son but today I was dangerously close.

I am at a total loss. I have tried ignoring it because I thought it was an attention thing and that didn't work. I have tried naughty step, again didn't work. I have tried being shouting but he just looks at me like I've got 6 heads. I just don't know what else to do.

We are on day 5 with potty training and we have a sticker chart for that so don't want to mix the two up.

We have dugout the playpen for the baby so I can at least relax if I have to nip out the room and so the baby can relax too but he can't spend his whole life watching his family through bars.

This is happening, probably once a day but never in anger. It's almost as if he's intrigued by his brothers reaction. If it was me he was biting I could just ride it out but I need to protect the baby. They love it each other and I don't want to ruin their relationship by not letting ds1 near ds2 - he often says 'I just want to cuddle him' but I am on tender hooks whenever he goes near him.

Anyone got any magic solutions? Thank you

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 13/08/2013 08:57

Have a read of this and see what you think.

Original poster

backinaminute · 13/08/2013 09:18

Thank you, this is what I've been trying to do but just feel like I'm floundering with exasperation and frustration myself. Yesterday was a real low point for me, I was gutted I was so cross - I just felt like I'd spent all day being the parent I really didn't want to be.

I think it's when he's tired, that seems to be a common factor. I think it could be a bit of jealousy as now his little brother is doing more than sitting in a bouncy chair. Who knows?! I guess we just keep saying its wrong and will keep watching him like a hawk. I am already conscious to have quality one on one time with him but I'm starting to feel like the baby doesn't get a look in.

Thank you

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 13/08/2013 15:41

Does he still have a daytime nap?

Original poster

backinaminute · 13/08/2013 20:14

Yes this was between getting home from nursery and nap time.

Today has been much better. My mum took the baby so I could have the afternoon, just me and ds1. Ds2 has been really miserable, trying to crawl and teething and I just wonder if he's getting on ds1's nerves with it all. The last couple of weeks have been hard going and I wonder if ds1 is feeling a bit neglected. It didn't work particularly well as he woke up from his nap in a bad mood (which sometimes happens and isn't unusual) and by the time he came round we only had an hour or so but we went out just the two of us and it was lovely.

Maybe potty training and ds2's constant demands to be held are effecting him more than I thought. I just feel a bit spread thin and I'm not giving either of them my full attention.

It will pass I guess. Yesterday I was just so sad that I had let it get to me and been so angry. I never thought I would be a shouty mum and really don't want to be. It was a bit of a wake up call for me to keep myself in check and think through ways to deal with stuff before it arises.

Do you think the nap could be the issue? They both sleep at the same time

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 13/08/2013 21:35

Sounds lie you have thought all of this through and are coming up with good solutions. The reason I asked about the nap, and I know I may get flamed here, is because I think they still need one at this age, and it sounded as though he could be cranky after nursery. I wouldn't change the nap time. Use the time to recharge your batteries though, don't go full pelt trying to do everything and just be tired when they wake up

As for the teething, what have you tried?

How's the potty training going too? I can really, really recommend this book. If you are lucky, your library might have a copy

Original poster

backinaminute · 13/08/2013 21:50

Brill, thanks. It's actually not too bad. He basically decided last week that he didn't want to wear nappies any more so I took the opportunity to go with it. Other than a few resistant moments, mostly linked to stopping playing to use the potty, he has been really happy.

Thanks for your replies, they are much appreciated. It's just so exasperating. On the plus side, no biting today but they have hardly seen each other..........

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 13/08/2013 22:07

Think its easy to take biting as a failure on your part too, whereas it can be just a thing they do until you figure out a way to stop the little blighter

My otherwise lovely dd went through a similar phase at around that age, we didnt have a younger DC though so I was the target. It stopped when I screamed and my DF, who hadn't seen her do it before, shouted at her. She's never seen him raise his voice before or since. She was distraught, but hasn't bit me again.

SanneSannes · 13/08/2013 23:12

No real advice unfortunately but just to let you know that we are going through exactly the same here with our 2.8 yo DS and his 10 mo sister. I could have written your post!!

Original poster

backinaminute · 14/08/2013 06:50

Thanks SanneSannes, it's rubbish isn't it?!

Has it just started or being going on a while?

OP posts:

SanneSannes · 14/08/2013 23:00

It started when DC2 was about 6 months old/ 4 months ago and happened pretty much on an on & off basis. Its awful as you naturally want to protect your baby from any harm. Naughty step does not work with our DC1 and only seems to make things worse...in fact it seems to work better if I tell him in very few words and a VERY calm but firm way that he must not hurt her. we have also noticed that this mainly happens when he is starting to get tired and he has never bitten another child (well, at least as far as we know !). He is actually a very chilled, non aggressive child so like you I find this very difficult to deal with and am often worried that my reaction will make things worse...to be honest, I just hope this will pass at some point and in the interim I try to keep an eye on this and catch him just on time before he is digging his teeth in her

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