5yo obsessed with things (clothes, shoes etc) being tight

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5yo DD1 has always had a thing about things being 'tight' - eg when she was 3 she had a pair of velcro sandals that she always wanted done up so tight to the point they were leaving marks and even then she would have a meltdown because they were 'not tight enough'. More recently it's been her school summer dress, which has a tie at the back- she has frequently thrown major strops in the morning if it's not tight enough. And I recently had to confiscate a goldilocks dressing up outfit because we had the same problem with the little pinny never being 'tight enough'.

At a day out yesterday at a local nature reserve she had a huge tantrum and pretty much ruined her whole day because they gave the kids little backpacks with binoculars, magnifying glass etc and she just kept making us adjust and readjust the straps to make the backpack tighter and kept throwing tantrums.

She is generally pretty well behaved (though I admit she has been having more tantrums this school holiday than ever before) but I just don't get this issue with tightness. Will she grow out of it?!

Hi there - my daughter has the exact same issues - how has this panned out for your and your daughter? Any advice gratefully received!
Thanks,
jules

I had this issue as a child and still to a large extent as an adult. It's a set of issues that fall under the umbrella term 'Sensory Processing Disorder'.

Your DD sounds like she is looking for additional sensory feedback from things like her clothes and bag which is exactly what I do. I also grind my teeth and push against walls (generally in private!) because it just feels nice to me.

It is worse for me when I am tired, stressed and was especially bad when I experienced a period of PTSD a few years ago.

It's annoying as an adult, but I can manage it better, ensuring that things are at the appropriate tightness for example. I'd discuss this with your DD a soon as you think her understanding is up to it. Its no big deal, but I say from experience that it is unlikely to go away.

I'd embrace it as just being part of who she is and just a different part of the huge spectrum of traits that humans possess.

I should probably also add that I think I sit somewhere on the autistic spectrum, but am very academic and high functioning.

Have you noticed any other traits that might point to ASD in your DD? My most obvious 'issue' is that I am very rigid and black and white in my thinking. I like routine and repetition more than anything, does that ring any bells in your DD?

I agree that it sounds like a sensory issue. You might find that she feels calmed by pushing hard, carrying heavy objects, using weighted lap pads/shoulder/pads/blankets, playing rough and tumble games. These could be used to ward off the sensory problems that are contributing to her tantrums/meltdowns.

My DD found some activities easier with a small but heavy rucksack on her back.

about proprioception might be useful too.

Thanks Both,

She's definitely very bright/quick learner and very energetic. She gets frustrated really easily and has proper mad meltdowns but she is getting slightly better at getting herself out of them. She starts school in September so I'm concerned about clothes and PE kits and dressing herself which she can do fine, it's just the meltdowns and the repetition of adjusting straps and the frustration of things not being tight enough etc. We try to avoid clothes that have belts or ties or shoes with straps buts its not always possible.

I'm starting to understand it a bit more - I just don't want to make a big deal out of it for her at the moment, especially as she's about to start school and go through big changes. She's very senstive emotionally and I think she gets anxious.

I have recently recalled doing things when I was younger which sound 'odd' now as an adult - like having to push my finger into corners of walls and door frames so that the skin completely filled the gaps - and then as i got older I'd obsess over things like that in my mind (still do sometimes).

Thanks for your advice - it's really appreciated.

Those big changes may be hard for her to cope with so try to equip yourself over the summer with a toolkit to reduce anxiety and manage meltdowns.

An OT once suggested rolling my DD2 in a blanket really tightly and she loved it. It really helped calm her down.

Think about the sensations she seeks and see if they can be used to help calm her.

She might also find it helpful for you to keep to a fairly structured routine and make sure she has plenty of warning of any changes, especially once she has started school.

If school is taking up a lot of her coping energy, you may find she's a bit less resilient to things changing or being uncomfortable at home.