6 month old driving me to breaking point

[Cupcakemummy85]

My dd2 is 6 months and has the biggest smile I have ever seen, she can be a real joy to b around. However, she hates to sleep. I have a two year old too so I really need rest as dd1 is really going through the terrible twos.
Dd2 doesn't nap, wakes every 2 hours during the night. I'm pretty much her dummy. I never have any time to myself, somedays I don't even get time to have a shower. My dh helps a lot. More than most as he works from home so I am very lucky but I'm always out trying to keep dd1 entertained.
Dd2 has the most hurrendus cry on her. It's horrible and when she cries people just won't stop starring, it actually makes myself cry too.
She is breastfed and I'm really hating it. I have reluctantly breastfed her for 6 months and I can't do it anymore. She won't take the bottle though.
All of this has put so much stress and strain on myself and my partner, we are not even sleeping in the same bed because dd wakes up so much.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired, fed up and wondering why I thought I could handle having children.

I hear you & you thought you could because you can! Lack of sleep/disturbed sleep can have such a significant impact on how you feel - mentally, emotionally & physically. I know & I only have one baby not two like you. I have reminded my DH at times that they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture. If you have been BF for 6 months & never expressing so someone else can help then WOW - you are amazing! But if it is not working for you anymore, if it ever was, then stop. I am no expert but surely she will take the bottle if hungry enough. I have heard it said that formula fed babies are more likely to sleep for longer periods of time/through the night so this might help? Sometimes just ten minutes to myself helps me get a better perspective, even if its spent doing a chore it can help me feel more myself & it, mostly, helps me cope with baby etc better rather than just crying myself. Can anyone help with your older DD? You will be doing a wonderful job though - google the SMA advert with Sheridan Smith's voice over - it always makes me feel better!

She might be waking so often in the night because she doesn't sleep in the day and is overtired (that said, my six month old is waking every 2-3 hours too and she naps - I think if you look in the relevant post natal thread, many six month olds are the same so it may be a developmental thing).

How has she taken to food? My DS was a terrible sleeper and fed every two hours, but as he started eating more, it did get better. Honestly, especially with bfing, you are coming to the end of the worst of it and it will get better. Then, even if she won't take a bottle, you'll be able to leave her for a reasonable amount of time and solids to keep her going.

i was you! now with a 1 year old ds and 2.10 dd

my ds started to refuse the bottle at about12 weeks so had to reluctantly carry on bf. the only bottle he would take was at dreamfeed, and that was formula. so i would go to bed after his cluster feed about9pm and dh would feed till his next wake up around 1/2. he was still waking in the night every 2/3 hours even at 9 months.

mine was/is a banshee screamer too , I've just learnt to ignore him and those that stare

it's better now, but still it was never going to be easy. take as much help as is offered and keep saying it too shall pass.....

There's a grand total of 5.29 (iirc) minutes difference in maternal sleep in ff and bf infants (see the ISIS sleep study). And no, a hungry baby may not recognise that a bottle contains food so it's not definite that she'll take one if boob is denied.

First, you need some coping strategies. Is there someone who can take dd1 to the park for a few hours a couple of times a week? Can you get her into a nursery for a session or two? How do you find slings, have you looked into local sling libraries?

Next, why is she crying? Conditions like reflux are massively under-diagnosed. Push hard for medical attention, if there's an underlying food intolerance then you need specialist support.

Third, how is weaning going? My 9mo sleeps much better since he was weaned. Still not perfect, but he sleeps 7-6:30 with two short wakes for food unless his bastard teeth are bothering him most nights.

You can't stop bfing suddenly, you'll get painfully engorged and risk mastitis. Why not get your dh to take one feed when she's normally calm and happy to do a bottle. He could maybe take both dc for breakfast each morning which would buy you an hour in bed or in the shower. He might also like to do bathtime while you grab a and tidy round?

I got a cleaner when dd2 was 6 months because I was utterly frazzled! Dd1 is 3. Here are my coping strategies :-)
Get a sling - little buggers will sleep in those.
Stick it out and wean on to solids - this can really help sleep but it takes time.
Go to soft play. A lot entertains the big one in a safe way
Insist your dh gives you time out every day - a shower and a cup of tea alone at the b least.
Co sleep - assume you already do but as time goes on you will sleep better
Lastly don't beat yourself up - you are coping v well it's just a bit hard going sometimes

From your description it sounds as though your DD is hugely overtired and running on adrenaline. Has she always struggled to sleep or is this a new thing? What happens when you try and settle her to sleep during the day? Do you put her down in her cot/crib or do you try and settle her on you? In all likelihood she is waking so often during the night because she is stirring between sleep cycles and is unable to settle herself back to sleep. I'm speaking as someone with a 6 month old DD who has needed quite a bit of help to learn to take regular naps and self settle. It's starting to pay off and we're all much more relaxed as a result. She does still wake a couple of times in the night for boob though, this is entirely normal for a 6 month old. Every two hours is a little extreme however.

If you can resolve the overtiredness you'll probably find BF less of a burden as your DD won't rely on you quite so much for comfort.