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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Do they only make imaginary friends when they're lonely?

12 replies

YoniBottsBumgina · 09/08/2013 18:45

DS is nearly 5 and has recently announced the arrival of his two "magical friends", France and Mad. He talks to them and does voices and everything. He even made me talk to one of them the other day

I don't have a problem with him having imaginary friends, I think it's quite sweet and I'm sure it's a good sign as far as his imagination goes, but it does make me wonder if he's lonely. He's an only child who really seems to thrive on the company of others and I often feel hugely guilty that he doesn't have any siblings, especially as I find it difficult and tedious to play with him as another child would. Due to our situation currently, DP and I are not planning to TTC for another 1-2 years, and even then we don't know how long it will take or if it will happen. I feel really sad for DS!

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ShowOfHands · 09/08/2013 18:53

Nah, children have imaginary friends when they're imaginative.

DD had imaginary friends from about 18 months and Sheeva the invisible, multi-coloured ant, Alex The Boy and The Elephant In The Tree were constant companions. I did worry for a while because she too was an only child for years. But she has a brother now, lots and lots of friends at school, is six years old and still has imaginary friends. At night she goes into her wallpaper (don't ask) and spends the night with a host of badgers and talking otters. Last night there was a very solemn funeral (said with a very solemn face) and then a very celebratory life party (said with a smile). She's a very long way from lonely. She's just odd actively minded. She'd tell you this herself but she's currently in Narnia with Mr Tumnus...

Original poster

YoniBottsBumgina · 09/08/2013 20:02

Oh god, you've just reminded me of the phase he went through at about 2 when he was scared of crocodiles, bears and tigers which were in his bedroom, and would hide under the cupboard when I came in. I had to send them all away back to crocodile/bear/tiger land out of the window. He still sleeps with a sonic screwdriver in case of monsters

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InvaderZim · 09/08/2013 20:11

My mom had a whole passel of imaginary friends and she was one of six!

coribells · 09/08/2013 20:53

not according to this article in psychology today
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reality-play/201308/the-possibilities-fiction

sparkleshine · 09/08/2013 23:44

My 3 yr old DS has just had an arrival of jojo the green lion as his imaginary playmate. He is an only child but has an older step sister and plays with other children regularly so I wouldn't have thought it would be due to loneliness. I think most kids have them regardless.

skyeskyeskye · 09/08/2013 23:49

DD 5yo has around 25 imaginary friends. They all wait for her each day at the end of the road after school. They all come in the car with us , on their imaginary carseats and they all eat imaginary tea with her as well. She has one special favourite imaginary friend called Alice. Alice was a little girl that she met on holiday.

She is an only child, but has lots of friends on the road where we live. She also has a fantastic imagination and when she is playing, she always does voices for her toys etc.

I don't think she is lonely, just very imaginative

They also make you feel very stupid, when you try to play along and ask if her imaginary friends want some cake or whatever and she says "don't be stupid mum, they're not real!"

BotBotticelli · 10/08/2013 09:47

I am a twin so was never lonely as a child - but me and my DTsis had a load of joint imaginary friends at around 3yo that we used to play with together! Weirdly including a middle age woman in a mac called Mrs Henshaw who lived in the gutter (literally, not figuratively) and used to be quite strict with us....! Nowt so queer as kids :)

Pixielady83 · 10/08/2013 17:03

Skye when I was 3, Alice was my very special imaginery friend too we even have a photo of her me and my mum with hands out beside us and an Alice gap in the middle

I had a little sister so don't think I was lonely, maybe a bit frustrated that she couldn't keep up with me yet! Alice went away by the time I was 4 and I remember my mum being sad about it and trying to play with Alice again but she just wasn't there anymore. My sister and I spent all our time playing 'pretend' games - 'pretend you're this or that' so I agree with PPs that it is a sign of a healthy imagination!

Original poster

YoniBottsBumgina · 10/08/2013 19:30

You're not doing a great job of convincing me here only two out of six children described had a constant close-in-age-sibling which wasn't a baby! (Or perhaps should be 3/7 if I'm counting Bot's DSis... okay that sounds better )

I definitely think it's great for his imagination. Just a bit as I never had one as a child.

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tiredmummy33 · 10/08/2013 21:51

my daughter has a brother and lots of friends but also has imaginary friends called Claude, doobie and mrs hanky.

Abriata · 11/08/2013 16:02

My son also had lots of imaginary friends til he was around 6 (can't remember when they "left"). It might not help your tally because he's an only child but he definitely wasn't lonely in his early years as he had loads of friends (5 children his age on our small street -- so they were constantly in and out of each other's houses). His main friend just appeared in conversation one day when he was around 2. He started talking about her (with unusual and very specific first and last names). When I asked who she was, he said "you don't know her mommy". From then on, he told me about going to parties at her house or would point to people on the street and say "that's xxx's mother!" or "xxxx just passed us in her father's car!". He also had imaginary animal friends, especially a monkey. We would "take" the monkey with us on the way to school and drop him off at the "monkey school". On the way home, we would collect the monkey from his "school" (the front step of a neighbour's house!) and have an extended conversation comparing the events at both schools (a very useful way for me to learn what went on at my son's school!). The human friend went away after a few years but the animal friends sometimes made appearances until recently (he's now 9).
I asked him recently if he remembered xxxx and he said "no".... which made me a bit sad because "she" was a big part of our lives for a while...

I did think my son had a wonderful imagination with all of these "friends" and his tales of their activities together. Sadly, for now at least, this imagination hasn't translated into good creative writing....

Blackpuddingbertha · 11/08/2013 21:15

I have two DDs only 15 months apart. DD2 constantly imagines she has company other than her sister. To the point where it's difficult to figure out whether she's talking to one of us or someone 'else'. She's 5.8 now and it shows no sign of abating . No loneliness, just a very active imagination.

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