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OK have laid down the law to 10YO DS now need to follow through with this - need help!

6 replies

thekingfisher · 09/08/2013 12:48

DS has become more and more disrespectful and moody and whiny and whingey basically when anything he wants to do or be involved in doesn't go his way. He can withdraw and be monosyllabic with other adults and just arsey with us (me and DH)

he is an only child so gets plenty of attention from us, sees plenty of friends, he has had lots of activities over the holidays and we have been away.

Holiday was just a series of flash points where we ended up having a number of 'this is it' moments "we won't take any more of this" and he was perfect again for a few days until the next 'big' thing.

Anyhow roll on another few weeks and today very calmly after another series of arsey, disrespectful talking over me type conversations I DREW A LINE. I said it was about time he realised what it was like to have things taken away and for it to feel rubbish - as thats how his dad and I feel when he behaves this way.

I have banned all screen time (predominantly ipod and TV), not allowed him to wear new trainers and tracksuit bought for school ( which he had on) and said that he can earn it all back by proven behaviour change.

BUT, and here's the big but - I don't know how I can make this work....

What does he earn back and how . Straight after I told him this he stomped off huffing and puffing then asked what jobs I need doing, did them and was super helpful - then went to put new trainers and tracksuit bottoms on . I said no , he said he had earned them back....

I need some ideas of how to measure the good behaviour and ensure it stays.
Any ideas?????????

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
thekingfisher · 09/08/2013 13:21

bump...please Smile

OP posts:
PeterParkerSays · 09/08/2013 14:09

Set a date for the end of "sanctions" - he can get the TV access back on Sunday, the Ipod on Tuesday and the trainers and tracksuit next Friday because he has plenty of other clothes to wear.

The respective dates go back a week if he plays up again.

BrainGoneAwol · 09/08/2013 14:17

Also make it clear that's not the end of it. If he reverts back then things will be taken away again. It's an ongoing deal - he doesn't just earn things once, he has to continually show that he deserves the privilege of access to such things.

Andro · 09/08/2013 15:01

1 item returned for every X days of good behaviour, poor behaviour sees the (most recently returned) item removed again - make sure he knows the timescale.

survivingthechildren · 09/08/2013 15:03

Hmmm... I would tell him that you're got an eye on his behaviour for a number of days (say 5, for example) and if you feel there has been a change in attitude - and a change at that, not a temporary swing in order to get something, then he can have them back.

But make it very clear that he is old enough to know better, and there is now a zero tolerance policy. Rudness or attitude of any sort means removal on xyz immediately. He will get the item back in x number of days provided there are no further behaviour issues.

Have said all that, you then need to put some muscle behind it and follow through if he does any of that!

Hope that helps! I have 4 boys and a DD ranging in age from 15 down to 5 so I know how difficult this age can be!

thekingfisher · 10/08/2013 20:57

These are super ideas - thank you

Sorry to not have come back sooner we ahve ahd a full on although screen free weekend so far which has been oddly liberating!

I will reintroduce items I think by middle of next week (tues or wendesaday as I have said we need to see a wholesale change not just a couple of days of better, having said that I can see that he needs a specific date per se.

Thnaks for all help - will keep updated!

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