What do you do when the answer to "Did you mean to be so rude?" Is "yes"

[outtolunchagain]

This was from 11 year old ds ,he is usually is pretty good , but responses needed!

'It's not acceptable to be so rude, do you want to talk about what's making you feel the need to be like that?'

'No'

OK, away with the computer / TV / whatever then lad.

Yes that's effectively what happened although not sure we discussed what was making him cross because I know what it was ., basically dh flew off the handle with him and punished him and ds swore , not acceptable definitely needs punishing but I can see how it happened .

Also has a 19 year old brother who swears all the time despite me asking him repeatedly not to .

I would say that was a great answer to a daft question.

I think you need to tackle the 19 year old for swearing in front of his younger brother, and you - that shows an incredible lack of respect.

And to those who say 'at 19 he is an adult and can do what he likes', I don't accept that at all, if you had a lodger who swore all the time you wouldn't accept it would you? Does he pay rent, why is he at home, do you cook/wash etc for him. I would suggest to the 19 year old that if he cannot stop swearing he starts to look for alternative accommodation.

I have a teenage son, I appreciate how horrible challenging they are.

Had I asked him that question and received 'yes' as the answer, I would have had trouble keeping a straight face!

I'd have acknowledged his honesty, given him the opportunity to apologise and rephrase and if the result was him swearing in the heat of the moment I would have sent him to his room to calm down. Apologies/discussion/hugs to follow when everyone had a cool head back on their shoulders. Any other sanction would depend on the cause of the situation (we have a list of sanctions).

I have reprimanded the 19 year old every hour for about the last 4 years , I never let it go , he lost his phone, laptop etc for almost 6 months st one point . He is very stubborn , would argue the hind leg off a donkey ( apparently my problem with swearing is down to my bourgeois middle class upbringing), however he did tell ds3 yesterday that it was wrong and not to copy him .

He is home from Uni at the moment and is generally pretty good the swearing is pretty much his only vice ,I hope he is starting to see how ds3 copies him though and he knows it upsets me its a habit though