4 year old keeps climbing into my bed!

[pinkdolly]

Hiya,

My DD will be 4 on Sunday. Dh is in the navy and is currently working away. He comes home at the weekends. DD was fine with this until easter time when DH had 2 weeks off. Since he has gone back to work her sleeping pattern is awful.

Sometimes I put her in her bed and when I go to bed later she is sleeping in mine. But most time she comes into me at some point in the night. Usually around 2ish.

I know I should get up and put her back in her bed but I am 34 weeks pg and it's so tiring to keep getting up with her in the middle of the night. I also suffer with back problems so when I wake at night I am really stiff and achey.

I have tried allsorts, a night light, a new bed. I swapped her blinds for curtains coz she said she wanted some like mine.

I stopped her cousin from coming to stay at the weekends.

Today I have told her that if she cannot be a big girl and sleep in her own bed, then some of her big girl things will have to go. We have just brought her a new bike for her birthday we gave it to her early. I told her today that the shop are taking it back until she is a big girl! She didn't like that very much.

The thing is I am not sure if I am handeling it very well. Her stutter has come back since DH went back to work and she is very sensitive about a lot of things. Awfully clingy. At the weekend she almost hyperventilated coz DH went to the Fish and chipshop without her. She got really really upset. So I think she is genuinely having a bad time with DH away, as opposed to just being naughty.

But I have a baby due soon and want her to be sleeping properly by then. Any ideas. (Dh finishes his course in October, so still a bit to go yet).
Thanx

Pinkdolly, sympathies!

My dd did this when I was heavily pg. I think it really is a combination of dh being away and her being aware of the pregnancy - not naughty behaviour as you say, she just wants to be with you.

Tbh, I just let dd come into my bed for as long as she wanted (even after ds was born). It was a bit a squash with all 4 of us at times, but dd was happier at the end of the day. She did eventually tire of baby brother waking her up in the night and stayed in her own bed

Have you tried a star chart? Perhaps give her a cuddle when she comes to you, but don't chat too much, then encourage her to go back to her bed when she's ready - even if you have to accompany her. In the morning a star on her chart for going back to bed. If that's working, then she gets the star for going back on her own. When that works, then she gets a star for spending the whole night in her bed. And of course rewards for any sets of consecutive stars.

Lots of calm talking about it -- give her a strategy for when she wakes (cuddle your special teddy, sip of water, then lie back down).
Attention/excited encouragement from you when she does the right thing (maybe say you know how pleased daddy will be about her staying in her own bed, let her see you writing a 'letter' about it to him or get her to dictate it, and keep this going once she has actually managed it).
Being positive about the things she's doing right, rather than taking things away may be easier for both of you, esp since you've got the baby on the way.
Star charts also work here.

I second star charts. They worked in encouraging my DS2 - then a similar age to your DD - to stay in his bed all night. Rarely comes through to us now.

Thanx for your replies. I haven't tried the star charts yet so might give that a go.

With regards to allowing her to sleep in our bed, it has been something that I have been doing, just to give her reassurance. However, I have a DD2 aswell and now she has started wanting to come in. I cant let one of them in without the other, I do not like favouritism. DD2 isn't upset by dadddy not being home, but she does know when DD1 is not in the room as they share.
We have a kingsize bed, but why is that little children seem to sleep all over the bed?

pinkdolly, I really sympathise with you over this. The kids love it so much when they see their dads more than usual, but I always find there are difficulties after my dp has had a holiday and then goes back to work. And sleep is so important, I really get grumpy if I don't have a good night's sleep. And it's hard to find the right solution - I really think it depends a lot on your own situation and what you can put up with. Anyway, here's what we have done:

I have two dss and both have their own beds, but ds2 has been ill and is also breastfed, so he often ends up in our bed overnight (otherwise I fall asleep in his bed, which is tiny). Ds1 (4yo) went through a long stage of waking up at night and dp would bring him in to our bed, and I used to get furious because it really affected my sleep having all four of us together. But dp didn't think it was fair to have one in bed and not the other.

Recently we redecorated ds1's room and as there weren't any curtains in it for a while we let him sleep in our bed. Dp turned the bed round so we all slept across the width, with our heads down the length of it, if you see what I mean. It really made a difference to how much space there was and how well we slept. (We are both shorter than average so we didn't mind the bed being wider than it was long). The kids still spread themselves about but there's enough room to deal with that, and we sometimes gently shove them back into a better position.

Now ds1's room is done he still sometimes wants to start out sleeping in our bed but often one of us moves him back into his own bed when we come up, and then he stays in his room until the morning. I know this part wouldn't work well for you, because of being pg, but I just wanted to show that it sometimes takes far longer if you're tough, than if you 'give in' for a while and let them get through whatever phase they are going through.

hth a little

Well, we had a really successful night last night. DD1 went straight to sleep in her bed and stayed there all night.

On the one hand I had told her that her big girls bike was being taken away until she could be a big girl and sleep all night.

But I also gave her my "special cushion" to sleep with. It's one of those v-shaped support cushions that I use in bed (helps my back). I use it every night so it smells like me. Have also had lots of cuddles in my bed with the girls in that cushion. So I hoped that would be of some comfort to her. She snuggled down into it when I put her to bed and was still snuggled into it this morning.

I gave her lots of praise/cuddles and told her how proud I was of her.

So not really sure what helped more. Just really pleased that she had a good night. She was well pleased too.

Thank you for all those who have posted to help me with this. Of course I know it was only one night and the good behaviour has to continue. Fingers crossed!

Glad you had that good night. Update?

Good morning,

Yes I know it's an absurd time to be up. Been awake since 4, but that is due to me being nearly 35 weeks pg. And not to do with my gorgeous DDs who have been sleeping soundly in their bed for 3 nights running now.

Promised DD1 she could have her bike back today. DD2 hadn't had anything taken away as it was DD1 who was waking her up in the night.

Only downside is I've lost my cushion. I use it for propping myself up in bed and was planning to use it for BFing LO. However, the girls snuggle up to it all night, so dont really want to take it away from them. Oh well, will just have to see if I can buy another one.