Tales of tantruming toddlers becoming chilled-out children, please - hope needed!

[eggybreadandbeans]

Hey all. Ds will be two on Wednesday, and it feels as though we've progressed pretty rapidly from him being a mostly happy little soul to him having an impassioned outburst - a tantrum, throwing something, shouting, tipping something up - lots of times a day.

I'm a bit of a worrier so have gone into over-analytical mode about where ds's normal toddler behaviour stops and our possible mis-management of it starts. I know frustration, the conflict of independence/dependence, self-agency, not wanted to be restricted/constrained, etc, are all big deals for toddlers. I try to handle things with patience, understanding, humour and to help ds put feelings into words - but I know I'm not consistent; often only a few firm words will lift us out of the situation. And the patience and understanding fizzle out as the day wears on.

Sooo ... I suppose I'm after a bit of reassurance from others who've been there with fiery toddlers, and whose little ones have come out the other side of toddlerhood and become mostly happy, easygoing kids again. And do you think it's anything you did or didn't do that contributed to this? Or is it just toddlers?

Thanks all.

Well, I guess it's toddlers. They want to express themselves but don't quite have the skills to do it in a socially acceptable way. They get frustrated hence the outbursts and strops. All normal!

ds1 was fiery - wow he could really go into one and they were spectacular to watch. he's 12 now and still prone to outbursts of temper but as he matures I really do think he is learning to keep his frustrations to himself or at least express them in an appropriate and acceptable way.

ds3 is going through it now, he's 3 and everything is I don't want to. Infuriating but I know it will pass. Distraction works for me. When he is really determined though take away the toy he won't share or if he hits his db then he gets removed from the room.

Key is to stay consistent and clear with what you expect and when he behaves unacceptably, he suffers the consequences, time out etc. You will both come out the other side, never feels like it at the time though does it?

No advice I'm afraid but the title is close to home atm

ds2 is 2 and dealing with his stubbornness(sp?) is wearing me down

I can't remember ds1 being like this, selective memory perhaps?

just giving this a bump as I am currently being led through parenthood by a 20 mth old ds who assumes that terrible two should have actually start at 13 mths.

My DD2 was the most evil toddler in tantrum mode....she was and still is very stubborn and her tantrums would go on for hours.

she is now 10 and my most calm child out of all my five. she is still stubborn like I said, and if she does get upset about something it will take her hours to come to reason, but those moments are few and far betwwen nowadays. That said tho....hormones are rearing their ugly head which may change things:(. Mind you....her elder sister didn't test me at all really at two and yet now is REALLY trying.

It has been said that the worse the toddler the easier the teen, and so the opposite must also stand in that the easy toddler is the evil teen....out of my friends it is so far turning out to be true

My niece was the most difficult little toddler ever!!! Very prone to major tantrums and dramatic outbursts at the drop of a hat.
We all put it down to her being the first baby and grandchild...and being a bit spoiled...but now looking back i really think personality had a major role to play.
she is now nearly 8 and is a lovely little, lovable girl but still prone to the occassional outburst and is definately on the dramatic side!! The difference now is you can reason with her and you learn how to overcome these outburst overtime.
I suppose what im trying to say is that all kids are different, some are very spirited(polite way of saying volitile and difficult)while othres are very laid back and there is a whole spectum in between....as your toddlers understanding develops overtime he should be easier to handle but i think consistency is needed!!!
easy for me to say ,i work with kids of all ages but parenting is so different...as i am finding out with my 18 month old...who too has recently discovered tantrums!!!!!

Mine both went through the Terrible Twos, followed by the Terrifying Threes and Fearsome Fours (DS2 is still there on occasions!) However, in my opinion, it does get easier to handle as they get older as you can reason with them more and they understand better that rules are rules and mummy is not being a wicked witch just for the hell of it!

It can be an awful shock when your previously placid toddler suddenly turns into a whirling dervish with a strong stubborn streak but I think if you're firm and consistent about the behaviour you will and won't allow, plus your expectations of them, then you set the foundations for a more reasonable child to emerge.

At two I'd explain to him simply why he can't do certain things - it might break or he could hurt himself or someone else - and then try to head off the subsequent tantrum by distracting him from what he was doing before. If the distraction doesn't work then time out might be an idea. Star charts / pasta jars to encourage good behaviour sometimes help as well although two might be a bit young for this. I always try to ignore and - where possible - walk away from tantrums.

HTH

Don't worry it will pass.

Mine used to bang her head against doors, tables, the walls, floor etc but if I was positioned unluckily also against my head.

Gone without a trace .... bliss...