Feeling railroaded by my 6yo

[hobnob57]

It has got to the point where I don't know what to try next, and what I am doing is way off the mark.
She has always been one of those babies/toddlers/children who talks incessantly and indiscriminately at anyone who will listen (and those who don't). She is bright as a button and exuberant in personality. Her teacher says she is chatty but delightful.
At home we have always had a problem teaching her about when the right time to talk is. We have tried pointing it out every time she interrupts, ignoring her, telling her off, etc. but despite being able to learn phonics and sums at the drop of a hat, she cannot seem to learn social cues. As she is getting older, it is proving more of a problem because as well as interrupting and taking over conversations, she also has no concept of when she needs to stop replying, particularly after being told off. As I said, we have tried explaining and pointing it out until we are blue in the face and it makes no difference.
DH and I are now at the point of being snappy and shouty with her, and I hate it. I don't know what to do next. It doesn't sound bad here in writing but she takes over our lives, our brains and leaves no room for thinking, planning, conversing, enjoying the day. She bombards us all with questions and plans and agendas and noise constantly. She won't take no for an answer and will negotiate to the nth degree. When engaged in a game or activity (or accompanying us shopping, etc.) she is whistling, singing, wailing, screaming, or whatever seems appropriate to her; there is no quiet other than when she is reading, which has been a godsend since she started reading by herself. We have two other children and they obviously have to compete with her so our heads are mashed. The baby has picked up on the snappiness and now shouts the girls' names rather than speaks them. I feel like I am in a vortex I can't get out of. I have bought a copy of siblings without rivalry to help deal with the bickering better but what can I do about my 6yo? I love her to bits but really don't like spending time with her. In fact, I think the ignoring tactic has affected our relationship since I have spent so long ignoring a behaviour that is so ingrained in her that it has become a normal part of our interaction. She has a superior/disdainful tone which grates, but I realise this probably comes from me trying to deal with her. I don't know what to do to mend it all.

Hi HobNob

This sounds awful. And I mean that sympathetically.

As someone who can still very vividly remember the unpleasant interactions and atmosphere of my own childhood I would say what is needed first and foremost is a clean slate every day. Easier said than done, I know.

And I'm fairly sure that ignoring her isn't the answer and will only add further issues in to the mix.

I would try and arrange an appointment with your School Health Advisor (NHS Trust employed nurse specialising in all aspects of school age health, development and protection). She will be able to tell you if your DDs behaviour is 'normal', or not, and either way guide and advise you on how to deal with the problems you are facing. If necessary she'll refer you to someone else better suited to help.

Good luck.

Sorry no help but sound like my 5 and half yr old

Thank you. I will think about the school nurse route. It is so hard, as a mum, to work out what is normal childhood exuberance, what is mismanaged behaviour, and what may be on a clinical radar. We have wondered about mild ADHD before, and her behaviour does get noticeably less manageable after too much dairy so diet could be another issue. I just haven't managed to try the additive free route yet. It might come to that. But in the meantime I need to work on coping and managing strategies for myself. She was grounded yesterday because she went back outside twice after I said tea was/nearly ready and didn't say where she was going. We had a long chat and she says she is going to try harder to pay attention to how much she talks, how loud she is and being more aware of those around her. She has a friend over just now and sounds as loud and excitable as ever.

I really lost it this morning with my 5 yr old dd after we had just spent a lovely time out and about. I thought that I had been very patient so far this holiday, trying to ignore bad behaviour. I failed miserably today. I do try the 'clean slate' approach every day countrymummy13 and that helps.

The constant questions have really made me feel like I am being cross-examined every minute of the day .

What does work most of the time hobnob57 is to have as much of a structured day as possible - some time together, some time apart, going out EVERY day.

I have a 3yo who never shuts up! She even talks/sings in her sleep. Sometimes I bribe her with a sticker if she can stop talking for 3 continuous minutes. It seems to have a worked to some extent, I'm hoping that I'm getting her into the practice of being quiet at times!

What drives me potty is the repeated questions. She'll ask the same thing 5 different ways, or just the exact same question 5 times. I now tell her after 3 that asking me again won't get a different answer, but it will make Mummy a bit grumpy! (This is after I've made sure she's asking the right question for the anwer she wants.)

My sympathies OP, I know what you mean about your head feeling mashed, it's just relentless, and I only have 1 so far!

I have found structure very difficult since having #3 since so much of the day is now devoted to preparing food, clearing away, nappy changes, breastfeeding, dealing with washing, and during school times nursery and school runs that quality time is really difficult. In the holidays I count the day a success if I get one job done in the morning and contain them before they want out to play. It is something I will have to work harder at. That aside, things weren't that much different with regards to dd1 when there were only two of them. I just had a bit more time and energy to deal with it.