7 YR OLD DS

[arkboy]

Are seven year old boys always soooo moody and rude. I am at the end of my tether. My son argues from the moment he gets up, whether it is with me or his sister. I try and stay calm (don't let him push my buttons) but find all this behaviour totally unacceptable. My husband is soft as a brush and always says "calm down" with no effect, whilst I quietly fume inside. When I picked him up from summer camp (to keep him separate from his 4 yr old sister and busy whilst on holiday) he only said "where's my snack". Really fed up. When I eventually get cross with him he crumples into a remorseful sorry weepy child. I must be getting something wrong. Can anyone suggest anything? (BTW I have a tick chart, but he is embarrassed with it).

Calmly remind him about his attitude/manners and give him the chance to correct it. The example you have given re his snack and what I would have done with my DS:

S - where's my snack
M - Would you like to try that again, remembering your manners this time?

What happens next depends on his reaction; if the request was repeated in an acceptable form, the snack would be given an there would be nothing more said about the matter. He took the opportunity to correct his behaviour, no need for anyone to get cross.

Had there been more rude/inappropriate reaction:

M - Your tone/language/manner (whichever is the issue) is unacceptable. Now, I would like an apology or

If the apology followed, I would thank him for his apology and invite to try the request again and get it right this time (done with a smile to keep tension out of the situation. Failure to apologise/more inappropriate conduct would mean no snack and the threatened sanction upon return home (with sanctions as necessary for further poor behaviour). The matter would then be discussed later to find out why he had behaved in the way he had.

I've been lucky I think that this method, applied consistently, has worked for DS (now 10) and the same sequence works with DD(6) - but it depends on having sanctions that they really want to avoid and parents working together!

Thanks Andro. I will try that. It is such a shame because he does provide "inappropriate behaviour" at school and doesn't focus etc. The teachers have good a handle on it, but the moment he is at home it is as if you light the fire and off he goes. He is bright, but could learn so much more if he wasn't so insecure. It is really hard to relax with him nicely if at every corner you are having these issues - and I think deep down that is the problem, simple insecurities. In a group he is always the one to be the noisiest and show off.

That said straight forward suggestions as you have given, I will persist with. Great comfort that it has worked for your two.

Thanks Mumsylady. Both my lovely ladies may like to know that there has been a 180 degree turnaround.. completely coming from him. Your tip about calmly saying er.. manners and is this acceptable behaviour has a pretty good hit rate. He has also at every opportunity showered me with hugs and kisses which I have reciprocated with. His heart is in the right place but this "monkey" sits too often on his shoulder. Yup 7 is an odd age. I have given him more responsibility.. (hee hee - to save trips to garage fridge) like get some kibbles for the dog, yoghurt for pudding and oh can you fix this etc.? Talking of drawing, he actually said that he had won a drawing competition at kids camp. Serendipity!

Tomorrow is another day but I am more hopeful than I was earlier this morning. And yes, you are right about the night time and that most of the time they are good... Another thing while I am on a roll. He, for the first time, openly said how "brilliant" tag rugby was. First time he tried it - at last, is this a little something he can be truly happy with?! Crossing everything here.