4year old unhappy and crying, something or nothing?

[TheMammy]

Hi, I have a problem with my 4.6 yr old that I hope you lot can help me with. She is in her 2nd yr at playgroup and she has suddenly started to cry every day and want mummy there. I am a student and this is my summer break but as far as DD knows, I am still @ Uni as if she knew I was at home she would want to be at home with me. She tries every trick in the book, sore tummy, sore head, sore feet etc.. it's not tiredness as she sleeps from 7pm to 8.30am so she has more than 12 hours sleep a night. I am so fed up with going to pick her up and the leaders telling me she was crying again.. she has been going for 2yrs so know the staff and her peers well. Today the teacher called me as DD was weeping really sorely and asking for me, they had a chat with her and said it made me very upset when she was upset and that when she cried it made mummy sad, she said she didn't care :( that's part of the problem, she doesn't care at all.. she likes to see me cry and be upset even though I often walk away from her when she does this, I have had my HV out with me as she was having tantrums but thankfully they have been nipped in the bud and are now few and far between. I need a coping mechanism for when she cries.. I reckon she does it for attention and also it must upset the rest of the children in the group, I mentioned this to the leader on the phone today, she said the other children were patting her back and telling her to shh so she was getting attention from them. This isn't the first time she has had these crying episodes, I need help fast. I know there are only a few weeks left of term time but she has to learn to stay away a whole day without crying, as she goes to school in Sept. Has anyone got any ideas or suggestions? They would all be greatly received.

Could she be getting bored and under stimulated at play group? My ds2 (aged 4.9) has been going to a day nursery since he was five months old and has always enjoyed it up to the last few months. He goes to the day nursery three mornings a week and to school nursery five afternoons a week (the other two mornings he's at home with me) and loves going to school nursery but says he doesn't want to go to the day nursery. He's OK when he gets there although a bit clingy with his dad on first arrival. How do the playgroup leaders deal with her crying? Is she OK when left in other situations?

Thanks for replying. No she is generally not ok when left in other situations, unless she knows them really well, like her aunts or daddy or her cousins etc. She gets nervous about going to parties or even if she goes to a park where there are other children she will hold onto my hand for about 30mins before she is relaxed enough to leave me. She used to go to a lovely childminder after playgroup but this crying went on there and the childminder could not deal with her and the rest of the children too, so I removed her from there and let her stay on longer at playgroup to go to the after schools club as she knew some of her friends from playgroup went there. She has been fine there for about a few months now, but this is the type of crying she was doing at the childminders too :(

The leaders deal with it brilliantly, they talk to her and reassure her that she is safe with them etc.. they say that I am coming back for her soon and she finally settles, but I'm sure they don't want to be dealing with a crying child every single day, she is 4yrs old and should know not to cry all the time, it is very very draining :(

You have my sympathy - I know how trying a clingy child can be especially when all the other children around are happily getting on and playing with no fuss whatsoever. It sounds like a bit of a confidence issue to me - while you're on summer break from uni, could you shorten the length of time she's left at playgroup and gradually increase it over a number of weeks so that she gets used to being without you. It may help if the leaders make a special effort to interest and involve her in things they are doing and if both you, and they, reward her for being brave, joining in and not crying.

Try not to worry too much about school though - the teachers will have been through it all before and I've yet to see a child still crying for their mum by October half term!