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2yo hitting

3 replies

Dynababy · 04/08/2013 23:08

My just turned 2 yo is hitting a lot and its getting me down. He hits myself and DH mostly at night when over tired and he's being asked to do things he doesn't want to do.. Brush teeth, go to bath etc. He is also hitting our 6 week old given the opportunity which is very stressful as he could really hurt him... Finally he has been hitting children in the play park.. I think it's because he can't talk too well yet so can't speak to them as usually he just really wants to play with them. Question is how do I stop this behaviour? Naughty step? If so can anyone explain how you do this effectively? His tiredness is definately a problem as we can't get him to go to sleep per 9pm :( Any advice appreciated, thanks.

OP posts:
K8Middleton · 04/08/2013 23:30

You have a new baby so he's probably massively unsettled and desperate for your attention. How do you react when he hits?

pipsicles · 04/08/2013 23:44

I will copy and paste my response to a very similar post earlier below. I don't know if it is of any help to you, but i have found the naughty step to be extremely useful when used consistently.

Before I do though, re being over tired, is he still napping in the day? I would suggest trying to get him to if possible, even if that means wearing him out in the morning and then driving in the car to help him fall asleep. At night, my DS is often not asleep before 9pm either and hasn't been pretty much since the clocks went forward. It is wearing and hard work. We have come to the conclusion that as long as he is in his room, we are generally happy for him to read books, or play with some 'calm' toys before he gets tired. I have a 5mo and clearly remember how hard it was when she was 6 weeks. Try to get DS out and about to burn off energy once a day if you can - we notice the difference if we've been cooped up all day.

K8Middleton is probably right that he is after some attention. One thing I find really useful still now is when I am talking to DD, to talk about what her wonderful big brother is doing and I try to indirectly praise him as much as possible by talking to her. I find that way they both get the attention you want to give them and DS now does lovely things to her or for her to get my attention - sharing toys, giving kisses etc.

Here is my response to the other similar thread:

I don't know how much help I can be, but I've been there when DS has suddenly changed personality and caught you unawares, so wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

I think they hit an age when they start pushing boundaries in a really obvious and sometimes distressing way. He wants to see what you will do if he hits you, hits someone else etc... You and DH need to sit down and agree a strategy together, and then stick to it. We introduced the naughty step around about that time and I really wasn't sure at first, but we followed Jo Frost's advice on getting down to his level to give warnings, then if he needs to go on the step, explain why he is there (make sure nothing fun is around...!), then do a minute per year (we did one minute only for the first couple of months of 2yrs old - we wanted to give him chance to 'get it' rather than have a battle). The hardest part for us is not talking to him when he's doing his time - no matter how much he pushes you! Afterwards, make sure you get down to his level and check he understands what he did wrong and how you expect him to behave in future, then a kiss and cuddle to say sorry, and one for the hurt person too, if appropriate.

My DS is nearly 2.5 now and we very rarely have to use the step at all these days. It did help that I would allocate a step wherever we were, so he knew the same rules applied, even when out and about.

I sympathise greatly. I remember feeling like my gorgeous little baby boy had turned into a horrible little toe rag that no one wanted to be around. Just stick to your guns and deal with each situation as necessary. If, like me, you have a tendency to worry that others will judge you, I soon found that you are more likely to make it look worse if you appear to be doing nothing. Even what feels like a 'failed' discipline attempt (ie,he does it straight away again), has an impact because by repeating the process with him, he will realise you mean business.

It is hard work, but so worth it in the long run. If it's any help, DH and I have only been saying this weekend how lovely DS is and how responsive to our instructions - I'm sure I'll be faced with fresh challenges soon enough, but I'm enjoying my victories at the moment!

Good luck and sorry for blabbering on!

estya · 05/08/2013 08:26

I'd concentrate on re building his self esteem from the knock it received when the baby arrived in his house and took over his parents.
I read up loads when we went through this and the supper nanny website said the timeout step isn't for now. You don't want to make him feel that he is bad for feeling angry at everyone for what has happened. He needs more, not less from you at the moment.

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