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is this behaviour 'normal' in my 3 year old?

9 replies

BornThisCrazy · 04/08/2013 19:59

I dont mean that I find him abnormal or suspect any sn, but dont really have any other three, nearly four year olds to compare his behaviour with so thought of asking here.

Ds is very obsessive particular about how certain things should be. I will give a few examples:

We changed the dining table setting recently, not a huge change - turned it 90o so its easier to fit dc2's highchair next to where I normally sit. That was two months ago, and he still goes on about it. How he does not like it like this, so we need to change it back. I told him many times why I had done it, but he still goes on about it. So I've ignored it for a while but its starting to annoy me as its the same every time we sit at the bloody table!

When he sees dc2 with his dummy in his mouth he has to go and check its the 'right' way up, if it isn't he HAS to twist it around.

During bathtime he insists I close the lid of the shampoo, gel etc bottles after finishing with them, and the bar of soap has to fit properly in its holder or he does it himself and checks when he goes to the loo.

Everything has to be according to his routine and he does play up if it isnt. I washed his bedding this morning and was quite worried about drying it in time for his bedtime (as no tumble drier and no launderette within walking distance) as he would kick off if I used some spare bedding instead.

So is this what all three/four year olds are like? Or is mine just a little bit quirky? I love him just how he is but it can be quite wearing sometimes as it feels like walking on eggshells incase he objects and kicks off about a change or whatever.

OP posts:
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vaticancameo · 04/08/2013 20:04

Sounds normal to me. I have a 2.9 yr old and he's very similar. He notices everything and has to have things the right way - he's had me swapping the bird feeders before now because I hung them up in the "wrong" order after refilling them!

furbaby · 04/08/2013 20:15

Very normal , I have 3 grandchildren and they all like things done a certain way .... drives my dd up the wall .
Think its just a young child thing .

Zavi · 04/08/2013 20:26

I think its odd that a 3 year old would concern himself with this level of attention to detail.

It's got to be put in context though.

Is he otherwise personable - with other same-aged children enjoying his company during play?

If "yes" I wouldn't worry!

VegPatchLurker · 04/08/2013 20:30

I have DT boys who are nearly 4.

They sometimes do things like this, though not to the extent your DS does. For eg DT2 hates it having the blue cup, and will have sauce with his pasta, but not if I put the sauce ON the pasta. DT1 doesn't do any of that.

Well within the range of normal, I would say.

vix206 · 04/08/2013 20:32

All sounds normal to me. My almost 3 year old seems to have a quite rigid sense of how things should be, and can get quite annoyed if we break his rules!

ConstantCraving · 04/08/2013 20:46

Hi, sounds normal to me. DD is incredibly fixed on her routine and gets very upset if things are done in the 'wrong' order or put in the wrong place. My DS was very easy going in comparison - think its just down to personality. DD seems extra sensitive to her environment - some children just are. Frustrating - but no doubt will get easier as they grow older.

JoJoH1 · 04/08/2013 20:48

My DN has just seen a specialist for OCD and one of the things she said was about how normal it is for some OCD styles of behavior to start around 2/3 and go on for a year or two and it is no big deal just something kids do. So no i wouldn't worry :)

BornThisCrazy · 04/08/2013 21:16

Thanks for all the replies, very reassuring that he is within the 'normal' range. He is different to his friends at nursery, in that his friends are pretty easy going kids, whereas he can be highly strung in many matters and has to play with the yellow digger and has to have the green spade. His keyworker mentioned this to me.

Zavi, yes I would say he is ok now, well getting better, as it seems he is slowly learning things cant always be the way he expects them to be when playing with other kids. His older cousins sometimes do give in if he wants a particular ball for example that he always plays with, but I have been quite firm that if he is stubborn he cant have anyone round. Felt a little guilty as wasn't sure if it is something out of his control or not.

OP posts:
S22 · 13/01/2025 17:27

Hi any updates mums? My nearly 4 year old is quite particular how should things be. He asked me to draw Batman but I drew it wrong ( my drawing skills are crap ) he got upset and cried. I coloured sonic in pink he shouted that should be blue. He gets quite upset . He likes to be bossy with play if he’s playing with others he wants then to play what and how he wants to

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