I want to know how you people get your young children to tell you the truth when they've done something wrong.
DD is 4 and quite bright - very good vocab and understanding and can argue her way through almost anything. (I know this sounds like boasting - sorry. I just think it's relevant because I know she understands exactly what she's doing).
In the two weeks I have twice had her lie to me about something she's done.
First case: she moved 14 week old DD2. She's not allowed to pick her up without someone there, and she knows it. And she hasn't done, up until now. She's always asked to hold her sister, and I have never said no, but made time straight away to let her hold the baby. She cuddles her a lot, and lies down on the floor with her, but she's never tried to carry her so far - all good. I nipped to the toilet and left DD1 playing in the living room, while DD2 lay under the play gym on the floor. When I came back, DD2 had moved to a different spot on the floor. She can travel a bit, but not that far in the time she had (and she tends to spin in circles rather than move in straight lines anyway). So I asked DD1 "Did you move your sister?" And she said "No, Mummy, I didn't." She must have done, so I said "Are you sure?" "Yes" she said, but wouldn't look at me. I didn't want to turn it into a massive thing so I simply said "It's really, really important you don't move her without me there, ok? Don't do it - it's not safe."
Second case: She bit someone at school. I found out not through the teachers but the other child's mum (she left a mark). I am mortified - she never even bit as a toddler and she's never done it at home so what an earth possessed her to do it now I don't know. I assume they did deal with it but I do want to reinforce that biting is definitely not on, so I said to her "You bit X, that wasn't nice." (I thought I wouldn't ask but tell her, so that she didn't have the room to say no I didn't). She hid her face but said "I didn't Mummy." I said to her that I wasn't going to be cross because her teachers had probably already told her off, but that if it ever happened again I would be very cross and sad because biting was a really nasty thing to do. She hid her eyes and said "I didn't bit anyone." The way she reacted tells me she did, and she knows it was wrong.
So if this happens again, what do I do? I want her to tell the truth, but how to do that if she's thinking she may get into trouble? If your child does something wrong and owns up, how do you then sort out the misbehaviour without them feeling they'd have done better to lie to you about it? I am going to have a conversation at a non-pressured time about telling the truth and how important it is. But I also want her to feel that I will believe her when she says things as I think that's important too. How to do that when I know she's told me a couple of lies (not major ones yet, but I think this needs to be dealt with now before the lies become big ones)?