I am worried my two year old has been 'damaged' after bad advice when she was a few days old...

[grazer]

I feel guilty about this constantly and think about it often. Sometimes I can't sleep because it weighs heavily on my mind.

When my DD was a few days old (first time mum and clueless) my horrid MIL put pressure on me to leave her to cry it out during the night (didn't know anything about cry it out method at that point, I am now fully versed). The first night she cried until she fell asleep and then slept through the night which was very odd as she was feeding constantly beforehand. I thought she was OK as she still got up to feed a little the next day but the feeds were few and very far between. She slept all day that day when she wasn't feeding (she only fed about three times) and then slept straight for about 12 hours without crying for a feed.

Of course by then I was already starting to worry but wasn't sure what to do. I lay next to her while she slept beside me in her moses basket and was very stressed and worried and unable to sleep.

By 3am I was in a complete panic as she still wouldn't wake and cry for a feed and she was just sleeping and nothing more.

I then tried to rouse her and feed her but she wouldn't wake. I tried everything but nothing would wake her. In a complete panic I called the NHS helpline who said if she didn't wake soon then I should take her to A&E but to try for a while longer.

It took half an hour of having the window wide open, with her undressed for cold air to go over her, and me trying to rouse her any way I could, before she took my nipple and latched on. In total it was somewhere over 12 hours before she had that feed.

After that she went back to feeding normally

I am now ridden with guilt for following MIL's advice and feel I may have caused damage to my daughter.

I ignored her cries for hours and she was only a few days old. She became limp and weak and unresponsive.

Since that night I have been worried that I may have caused her psychological or emotional harm. To some this may sound ridiculous, but research has shown that babies who face distress very early on can be very affected it and I worry about this all the time.

I would really appreciate some experienced mothers and fathers to give me their honest thoughts on this.

I worry all the time that I have set her up for a lifetime of depression and/ or anxiety issues.

My DM was told by her Dr to leave my DB to cio when he was tiny (very premie) because he screamed constantly. She tried out of desperation and still feels guilty - she's now in her 70s, he is in his 40s.

But she has a wonderfully close and loving relationship with him and he is one of the nicest and most caring people I know. I think the many years of unconditional (though by no means a pushover!) love from her more than outweighed a week of crying.

Dont worry - when my LO was born she had one feed and that was it - she just slept. As it approached 12 hours - I knew the paed's would step in but the experienced older midwife assistants on the ward did a very similar thing to what you did - strip her down to shock her into waking her up to feed. Didn't harm her at all.

Did you not feel able to phone your local maternity ward for advice? thats a shame i thought they were meant to be there for advice for the first week or two.

Aside from that how old is she now? i was pretty anxious for several months after dd's birth - just typical new first time mum. Stop googling :-)

Oh, OP - you have my every sympathy. V long story but with DD1, a midwife in the ward I was staying in (post emergency CS) told me sharply to stop fussing over her every time she squeaked (I needed help picking her up) so I left her to fall asleep and then she slept the whole night and I had difficulty waking her in the morning. To cut a long story short she had a low blood sugar (wasn't getting enough from my colostrum for whatever reason, long traumatic labour...). We both ended up staying in hospital for a week and she had to have all sorts of invasive treatments because they didn't know if it was just low blood sugar or she'd caught an infection in the womb. I was so completely gutted that I'd left her.

Also feel terrible that I was a bit obsessed with rigid routines when she was really little. I didn't do controlled crying but still feel perhaps I should have cuddled her to sleep more. She's 5.5 and I still worry about it.

I know this is a bit of a delayed post but I just wanted to come back and thank everyone for their responses on this.

I knew it would sound like such a minor thing when put into context but I had been genuinely agonising over this for the last few years. I am definitely very aware of my problems with anxiety and have been dealing with them steadily for the last year. For some reason though my concern over that particular incident was something I couldn't shake.

However, having had some outside perspective, I can finally put this behind me.

As for Dayoldcheesecake, I would think you are most likely a 'keyboard warrior' venting over frustrations in your own life. The assumptions made about me and even stretching to my DH's behaviour toward me, which I have not mentioned as being oppressive in any way, speak volumes to me about your own issues and I actually feel sorry for you.

But again, thank you to everyone else!