tell me it gets easier... please.

[ninipops]

So I have 3 DCs from 3.6, 2 and 6months. No support network no friends nearby and so its really tough. We have been playing the "It'll get easier when...(insert phrase of choice here)" game pretty much since DD2 arrived in Jan. Yesterday however Dh had a total melt down at work - he ended up on the floor in a meeting room crying and in shock while one of his female colleagues held his hand. Paramedics were called cause they thought he was having a heart attack - he wasn't his heart is fine. Its extra tough on him cause he is an only child and his father has just been diagnosed with parkinsons. We are really struggling and its starting to take its toll physically too - I am still suffering the effects of a tummy bug four days later that everyone else in the family threw off after a day. Still feeding the baby so not getting decent sleep - trying to get her on a bottle but she is not playing ball. Please tell me it gets better cause there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel here.

Ohh dear sounds like you are all having a very tough time.

Having 3 children all under 4 is bound to be exhausting and hard work so you are doing a much better job than you probably feel you are.

Is there anything in particular that cause DH's 'meltdown'? What aspects of parenting does he struggle with in particular? Or is it just the grind of it all?

I only have 2 children but I can relate to the 'it'll get better when...' I have been saying this since DS2 was born 19 months ago. That's not to say it hasn't got easier along the way. It must have done. But it's still hard. (Sorry, probably not what you want to hear but you already know this having survived having 2 already!)

I can't offer any advice as such but I can tell you that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It might just be a very long tunnel but you will get through it.

Is the the baby waking to feed or just for comfort? I always find things are so much harder and I'm much more likely to feel overwhelmed and even depressed if I'm not getting to relax at night time. When DS2 was about 5-7 months I had a bit of a meltdown myself and ended up on anti depressants and in counselling (which was actually very very good and really helped). Is this something your DH would consider?

How do you feel in yourself? Perhaps a trip to the GP to say how overwhelmed you are feeling and see if there's anything they suggest would help. I'm not saying you're depressed but a lot of what you've written I know I felt when I was very very down.

Bottom line is that it is extremely hard work having any young child but more than one, coupled with sleep deprivation is a killer. I was a mess for at least the first year after DS2. To be honest I didn't cope well with DS1 either as a baby. I find it all a bit of a grind and all a bit too much and you get so little back from them. It's just hard work. It does get better, I promise.

That sounds really tough. It will get easier when they are at school / play school. Can your HV help you out? CAn you afford to pay a baby sitter to take them for a few hours at the weekend so you and DH can rest? Whatever it takes to get through these tough days. It will get better though.

Ask your HV for a referral (or do a self-referral) to Home Start.

It sounds like you are having an incredibly hard time of it at the moment, and I'm wondering whether your lack of social support is making it even harder to cope? Sometimes just having someone to empathise with what you are going through and let you rant/cry while they make you a cuppa can make all the difference in the world - particularly if they also have young kids and understand the extent to which they can drive you up the wall! Are there any toddler or mother/baby groups that you could start going to? Any groups that meet in local childrens' centres or libraries where you could get talking to other mums? I also have a three year old and a three month old, and have found that meeting up with other mums and hearing about their parenting woes - and how they got through the hard times - has made a massive difference for me. I also agree with Patagonia that it will start to feel a bit easier once the older ones can spend some time at nursery or pre-school so you can have a bit of a breather and catch up with sleep...