imaginary friend being nasty to ds

[3birthdaybunnies]

We have shared our lives with lots of imaginary friends over the years, all three have spontaneously aquired them from around 20 months. Ds is nearly 4. He has had three consistent ones for about 2 years. He has one in particular, who has been his main friend and whom he goes on lots of adventures with. Over the last few weeks she has started to be naughty and also is hurting ds. Obviously when she is naughty we know that it ds. What is more puzzling is he complains about her hurting him. Last night he woke up scared of her. I put some toys around him to protect him and he went back to sleep.

He hasn't had any major life changes - he is moving to a different nursery in September but he seems really positive about the move to his sisters school. We have generally passively accepted all the friends before - they have generally been supportive of the child, haven't been naughty and have disappeared during reception year.

Is it possible someone at nursery has upset him? It sounds like he's trying to communicate something...

He has been fairly happy at nursery. He has for a long time banged his hands on his head when he is cross and frustrated. He has stopped hitting us as much recently, so I wondered if he is internalising his frustration - having learnt that hitting leads to time out. Last night he was very cross with us for making him go to bed - it was late and he was tired. He was complaining that she was in his room and was hurting him. He kicked out and tried to get out of the bedroom. It was about 5hrs later when he woke up - I'm guessing he dreamt about her.

He calls her his imaginary friend - she does have a name too - but if anyone asks about her he tells them she is imaginary. She seems to be becoming more influential as a technique he is trying to use to get things - e.g. they had their haircut this am and each got to choose what they wanted to watch - he claimed his friend needed her hair cut and should have a choice. She later wanted a certain biscuit (which I didn't have) again he was very cross for her.

I would try to minimize her now. I'd do this by not responding much at all when he speaks of her...just a "hmm" and change the subject. He sounds bright and it's possible he's caught some tension or worry from you regarding "her".

If he asks for things for her, just refuse to engage. He needs to know that he can't use her as a reason for avoiding things or for getting his own way. Don't discuss her.

Yes sounds like a good idea. I'm not concerned about the concept of imaginary friends, both dd1 and dd2 took them to school with them and found them reassuring. They are all v imaginative and I see it as an extension of that part of them. Hopefully if we ignore her she'll go away or at least be nicer. I haven't 'given her' anything so he isn't rewarded in that way, though he would like to be!