I just had a meltdown

[helloella]

I have horrified myself. I am not proud and really hate myself for it.

DC1 is 5 and is a total nightmare. Constantly shouting at DC2 who's 2.6, screaming when they play, not listening, repeating questions 6 or 7 times even though the answer has been given, pulling just organised and freshly washed clothes out during the night, helping themself to the fridge when I say no and am out of the room, tipping bottles of water on to the floor etc. Currently not allowed in the garden to play as they come back covered in dirt head to toe after being told explicitly not to play with the flowers.

I give her enough attention. I always talk to them, supervise when in the garden/eating and drinking unless I'm making dinner or in the toilet, answer all questions, plan activities and still I get nothing but bad behaviour.

I send DC to the step after raising the fridge for trifle today and DC is sat there crying saying they're sorry and I just lost it. It's the fourth time today DC has been on the step as DH is organising their room. I just start shouting that DC is not sorry as they never keep their promises and they will be getting nothing until their behaviour improves.

I go off and I'm crying tears of rage and I just had to lock myself in the kitchen because I felt sure I'd smack DC if it carried on. I'm still crying and we've had a cuddle, apologised, explained and they're playing in their play room.

I just feel so shit. I have tried every bit of advice to no avail. I am at my wits end. Please help.

It isn't good to shout like that and lose it and I know you feel bad about it and will do your best not to let it happen again.

However, I have done the same, a lot of us have I am sure. You have apologised and explained why you were upset and your DC are OK. Don't beat yourself up over it. In all honesty, I have had days like that where one or other child has been just hideous. I have asked nicely, listened, tried to do what they want (within reason), I have cajoled and humoured and kept everything as nice as possible and they are still horrible. A couple of times, in the end I have had enough of it all, when nothing I do is right and being human I have lost it a little bit like you have. Strangely, for all the day I spent being nice and understanding and getting no improvement in things, it is not until I behave badly too that they realise that they have gone to far and we can all have a little cry, and a cuddle and start again.

Children need to know that sometimes they go to far and sometimes, their parents are human too and have had enough. It would be good if that could be achieved through negotiation and reasoned discussion but sometimes some of us just can't manage that for another second more and we lose it. It isn't good. It is to be avoided but in the long term, I don't think it does any real harm.

I hope the rest of your day improves.

You lost it - but you knew you had and you did the right thing by cuddling and apologising - sometimes it's unavoidable - we have all been there - don't feel bad .... Bad is when you do this day in day out ! It might help for your little ones to see that what they do does affect you and how you feel !

You are not alone !! Sending a big (((hug))) as it sounds like you could do with one !!

I am also pretty sure that some paragon of virtue will come along, say they never shout at their children, they always talk and you need to be ashamed of yourself.

Don't listen to them. If this is a one off, remember that they don't parent your children. They need to walk a mile in your shoes with the behaviour and the pressures you are under today before they condemn you.

If it isn't a one off then of course, you might need some help because it can't go on but as a one off, or very rarely, cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself and your children and don't worry.

Not sure if I can help but just wanted to say you are not alone. I have 4 year old twin boys who push me to my limits almost daily. I have had meltdowns, usually in the late afternoon and end up counting down the minutes until my husband is home so I can get a breather and go out and walk the dog!

I read a book called Buddhism for Mothers a couple of months ago and I wish I had read it years before. Please dont let the title put you off, go google it, order it off amazon, its amazing, it's not really that much about Buddhism, its not religious or airy fairy, just about parenting and ways to deal with yourself and your kids. Makes you think, makes you change how you do things, makes you calmer and stronger, helps you to be kinder to Yourself.

Parenting 2 young children IS the hardest job in the world. Don't beat yourself up too much over the bad moments or bad days. EVERYBODY has them. It will pass. HUGS xx

I'm sure most parents at some point will lose it if they haven't already! (Apart from saintly parents obvs) and you did the right thing by taking yourself out of the situation! Just have some cake/chocolate to make everything better I'm sure you feel worse shouting at them than your children do being shouted at they are probably over it by now!

Ugh. I so hear you!!!

The not listening, repeating offences despite the step and whining squabbling from the minute they wake until they pass out.

Firstly have a great big hug!!! And and later tonight !!

Mine are 4 and 2. DH is abroad on business all week again and I am it 24/7.

For me it's the squabbling and whining and not listening. It's driving me utterly crazy. Ugh.

I have been remarkably restrained today and last week too but I have had my share of meltdowns where I have shouted very loudly and the rare occasion where I have cried.

I feel your pain!

It's all very well that everyone says dont shout at them etc.

But when you spend every single sodding waking moment of every sodding day listening to never ending whining squabbling with no one taking a blind bit of notice to what you say even though you have repeated yourself a million times. And yes eventually you're bound to complete lose it.

Pick yourself up and move on. Your DC wont be harmed by one incidence of mummy meltdown. It's fine. It's happened.

I won't try to recommend any techniques to you as I don't have anything fool proof other than perhaps get out as much as poss while weather is nice.

Hey go easy on yourself, kids can be hard work!
How are you in yourself at the moment? Do you get time to yourself, are you happy otherwise, do you enjoy work/get enough adult company if you're a sahm? Just thinking you sound exhausted and burned out from your post.
My dd is only 2.4 so no useful experience of 5 year olds, but I know what sometimes helps me is to try and have a different perspective - to think that dd's behaviour isn't my failing or a personal attack to drive me bonkers, but her learning how the world works and it's my job to guide her and help her learn, not to 'control' her.
I've also relaxed a lot in regard to making a mess - does it really matter if a few extra clothes need mud washing off? I redirect dd if she wants to do something that would make a mess in the house - eg if she wants to play with water I fill up an old washing up bowl/old empty bottles and send her into the garden to splash about and get soaked. Do your dcs get enough opportunity to really let off steam and make a mess (like running round outdoors making lots of noise)?

I'm a SAHM but do a few freelance writing jobs. I feel like I get enough adult company and from 7pm DH and I are together to have adult time and relax. It just feels like I can't relax 100% in my own home because I know DC1 is upstairs ready to have a meltdown. DH has spent all afternoon deep cleaning and organising their room so if it's in a state tomorrow I'll probably just cry.

I think I do need help. I'm going to look into that book and just hope it gives me new ideas. It's not a one off but it doesn't happen a lot - maybe once every month or two? I just feel like I can't cope. DC2 is much better behaved so when DC1 is in school it's like a breather.

It's like nobody listens! My anxiety plays up so terribly and I just want to scream. I'm afraid of taking them out together on my own as it's such hard work and DC1 will have a meltdown at least once. I can't find anything to blame it on other than mine and DH's parenting but it feels like we follow all the 'good parenting' advice and get nowhere.

I think the not listening thing is what gets to me more than anything else as well. I might as well talk to a brick wall. It's so very very frustrating. Take a look at the amazon reviews for that book I mentioned, it really is the best parenting book I have ever read by a mile, I hope it does help if you decide to get hold of a copy. I shed a few tears reading the first few chapters and by the end I was convinced my life with the boys would change for the better by putting a few things into practice and it has, although it does need to be a daily practise and a conscious effort. X

Might take a look at that book myself! My 3.5yr old DS drives me mental with his meltdowns some days and I really feel like I don't know how to respond for the best.

helloella - is your DD behaving particularly badly or is she always like this?

If it is fairly unusual I think part of the problem may be that it is the first week of the holidays and I know I used to find that with one at school and one at home, it took at least a week for the school aged child to fit back into daily life. To begin with the younger child had his nose out of joint because he has to share mummy time with somebody else and the older one is tired and emotional at the end of the school year and doesn't understand that mum's and dad's have to be shared and also that holidays aren't carte blanche to do whatever the hell you like.

I think once the novelty has worn off and everybody gets used to things again they settle down a bit as the long holidays go on. If it is any consolation, it does get a bit easier when they are both at school! Not much help now I know but maybe a teeny tiny chink of light at the end of the tunnel.