Getting rid of dummy & using the toilet... need advice pls

[LJsmum]

I'm feeling a bit despondent at the moment and don't know if I'm doing the right thing. My ds is 3 1/2 and the only comforter he's ever had is a dummy - only for his daytime naps. (Please - no dummy debates!! ) I know a lot of children stop having day sleeps between about 2 and 3, but he still seems very keen to have a nap every day, although I think the attraction is the fact that he gets to have his dummy for a while. I've been wanting him to give it up for the last year or so, but he's SO attached to it that I've kept putting it off... anyway I decided to bite the bullet, and for the last three or four days I've been trying to get him to have a nap without it. Well he's carrying on as though he's lost his best friend, lots of crying and wailing and just refusing to go to sleep without it. But I know if I gave him a dummy, he would be asleep within seconds - for whatever reason, it seems to give him a lot of comfort. I actually thought that after the first couple of days he would accept that it was gone, but he's not getting over it that easily. So what I'm ending up with now, is a very tired child at the end of the day who just doesn't want to sleep without it. Strangely enough, night time is very different - he's never had it at night, so he goes off to sleep with no problems at all and is a very solid sleeper.

Should I just take the view that because of his age, maybe he doesn't really need a daytime sleep anymore anyway, and therefore it's an opportunity to get rid of the dummy at the same time? He just seems to get so tired if he has no rest during the day. I feel bad that he's obviously missing the dummy so much, but I know he's becoming too old to have it. I'm also in the process of getting him to go on the toilet instead of the potty (he's been weeing in the toilet for a long time - just doesn't like to poo on it), and this is all happening at the same time for him. Do you think I need to remain firm with what I'm doing or am I introducing too many changes at once? Yesterday I thought I'd conquered the toilet thing when he finally did a poo with no problems and I rewarded him for it, then today he was reluctant to sit on it again and chose not to go at all. It's kind of wearing me down..

My dd (4) gave her dummy up at xmas. We told her in around August that we'd heard that Santa needed some children to give up their dummies for the baby reindeers, due to be born in December. She thought it was a fab idea. She cot a bit of cold feet the week before but she did it. On xmas eve she put the dummy on the table with santa's buiscuits and bottle of Becks, plus water for the reindeers and went off to bed. She did say that she was going to miss it, but i explained that she areally didn't need it any more and that santa would think she was extra special.
Anyway she got up on xmas morning to find that santa had left her a lovely thankyou letter (complete with hoof prints) and an extra present (hastly bought on xmas eve).
Sorry but i can't really help with the toiulet thing though. I just persevered with my 2 and they got the message in the end.
Where does he sleep for his nap by the way ????

LJsmum - personally I would keep the dummy. That goes against the grain a bit for me, BUT:

Lots of children of this age (both of mine at that age), and quite a bit older too, would benefit from an afternoon nap, but don't get one, because they fight sleep. You're in the fortunate position that he is having a nap, and is therefore a more pleasant person to be with in the late afternoon/early evening. As long as you think he needs a nap, and your circumstances suit him having an afternoon nap, I would advise keeping the dummy. It won't be long before he has to drop the nap, and it would seem to make sense to drop the dummy at the same time.

We got rid of dummies very early for both of ours; but there were times in late toddlerhood when I would have done anything to get them to have a nap, and it seems that for you a dummy is doing that trick.

My ds1 was 3 at NYear and would suck his dummy all day long if I let him. I do try to restrict it to the car & sleep, or when he is very upset. To be honest, it doesn't bother me that much - I think he will give it up eventually and it only really bothers me when I'm out...I am probably a lazy-arse mum so don't listen to me...its a personal thing. My youngest also has one.......I always hear my mother ringing in my ears "you don't see many kids going to school with dummies or nappies...."

BTW he has pretty much dropped day time sleep, but there are days he does need it - I sometimes put a video on and let him drift off if he needs it (more bad habits.......)

Don't have much advice re the poo thing. It did take longer for him to get the hang of poos than wees....lots of bribes and we got there eventually.

Maybe he has too much going on for him at the mo and it may be getting a little too much for him and you. I think that maybe you are introducing too many changes for him. My ds kept his dummy till about 4 months ago ( did a previous thread on it). He has only just turned 4 and he was always loosing it and I would have to rush out and buy more or get a spare from the cupboard. The only reason he hasn't got one now is because I didn't remove it, I just told hin that if he lost this one mummy wouldn't buy him anymore. He lost it, and I didn't. Believe me it was really hard, I'm sure he suffered withdrawal, he was irritable, shouty and quite wingey when tierd and he had nothing to suck. But every few days we would congratulate him and reward him for going that extra day.
I would personally let your ds keep the dummy (don't worry about what other people say he will give it up eventually) and try and crack the toilet thing. Then I would tackle the daytime nap, even if he has a nap make it a short one. When my ds was the same age as yours if up early in the morning will come back from nursery and it he might have fallen asleep on the sofa. If he did, I would only allow him half an hour. But he doesn't really do it anymnore. Then tackle the dummy if you want or leave it and he will probably throw it away in his own time.
If you tackle one goal, I am sure it will not weigh you down and ds may feel that he has too much to tackle. I am sure you will be fine

really would let him keep his dummy for his nap. I can't see it's doing any harm, and I think it's just causing upset for no good reason. I bet you have your own little comfort habits when you settle down to sleep (like always laying on one side, or holding a corner of the duvet in your hand for example). How would you feel if someone stopped you doing it to settle yourself.

And if you and ds are both happy with him having a nap in the day, then that's fine. What other people think or do shouldn't affect you, esp. where ds's hapiness is concerned.

The poo thing will come in time. Is he aware that you and daddy and big boys do it in the loo? Also, do you have a small seat for him, and a stool? Some kids feel a bit precarious perced on the loo, particularly if they have to strain.

nutcracker, he sleeps in his bed for his naps. I darken the room and let him lie down with his dummy, and he's usually asleep within minutes. Without the dummy at the moment, he just doesn't/can't seem to make himself go to sleep. I thought the fact that he goes to bed at night without his dummy, would make it easier for him to get used to not having it during the day. Not so, it seems... if it keeps going on like this, I might have to resort to giving it back to him for a while longer but I don't know if that's the right thing to do.

With regard to the toilet, he is still refusing to go on it now, even though he did it twice on the weekend. If he keeps refusing, should I just let him go back on the potty and try again later? I'm finding it a bit stressful and I think ds is too.

My dd sucks her humb age 10 yrs. If they need the sucking experience do not deprive them, that is my experience

Do you really think so Mears? I guess I'm more or less giving in to what other people think, as most people seem to be horrified about older children having dummies. No one (except dh & my parents) know that ds still has a dummy, because I don't want the inevitable comments that I know I'd get from other people.

LJsmum

It doesn't matter what other people say. Where is the harm in him sucking his dummy for a short time while he's settling. He's your child, he's happy when he has his dummy to settle with and it's NOBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS.

Look life gets hard soon enough in life, let him have this pleasure please.