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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Super Clingy Baby - I literally can't do ANYTHING. Please help!

23 replies

DreamsOfAShower · 25/07/2013 19:59

Is this normal and does it get easier?!

DD is (and always has been) super clingy. Her first three months were spent cluster feeding and napping in my arms. Ok I thought, it's the 'fourth trimester', I'll just ride it out.

Well, she's now nearly 9 months old and, although the naps now happen in her cot (which is great), she is still extra clingy while awake. Most days I literally cannot put her down for more than five minutes without her getting upset; even though I stay in the room with her. I cannot get anything done and my back is failing.
I cannot cook myself any food - thank goodness I have a brilliant dh. As my nickname suggests - showers are impossible unless dh can mind her for me.

I'm all for attachment parenting and really don't want to be cruel and ignore her pleas but she is driving me mad. Is this level of clinginess normal? What if dh wasn't around? How do you cope when you have more children?

This and her horrendous birth are really making me have serious doubts about how I could manage if we ever had another one.

Any comments whatsoever (including: 'get a grip') are welcome.
TIA

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vaticancameo · 25/07/2013 20:06

DS was like this. I did two things: carried him in a sling as much as possible (depending on her weight a back carrier might be good, like an ergo or mei tai - see if there's a sling meet near you where you can try them). That let me cook, tidy etc. I also got a jumperoo, which he loved and would sit in for 15 mins or so before crying.

The other thing I did was toughened up a bit and realised that him crying for 10 mins whilst I had a shower wasn't going to kill him. Sit her in the bathroom with some toys, shower and sing to her. She'll cry, but it won't do any harm for a few minutes and you'll feel much better and able to cope when you've had a shower.

He is now 2.9 and too confident and independent, so it really doesn't last forever!

VeniVidiVino · 25/07/2013 20:06

That sounds very difficult is she satisfied being close to you without you holding her? If so could you get a little bath seat and sit her in that with a toy whilst you wash? Could you carry her in a sling or is she too big?

Mainly I would say don't pretend like everything's fine; tell people you need a hand and accept offers of help! She won't be like this forever.

Good luck

Carly3869 · 25/07/2013 20:29

I second the jumperoo, this was the only way I managed to get anything done. It does improve, you just won't feel like it will at the moment.

queenofthepirates · 25/07/2013 20:44

My 2.4 yo is still super clingy so don't get too excited that this will pass, it may take time. I find the best way is to casually mention it's getting close to bedtime and suddenly she disappears. Means I can get the washing up done without her hanging off me.

Original poster

DreamsOfAShower · 25/07/2013 21:28

We have jumperoo, in the lounge, which does help- on a good day it'll buy me a few minutes to tidy/hoover.
The main difficulties are cooking and showering. There's not a great deal of room in the kitchen and she's only happy in her highchair for around 15-20 minutes, s onot enough time to cook AND eat with her iyswim?
For showers I think I am gonna have to toughen up, like you've suggested. I always put her where she can see me, with toys and cushions, but she still howls. Last time I tried she was inconsolable, despite me having the worlds quickest shower

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OnTheRunFromTheAcademe · 25/07/2013 21:51

My ds is 16 months and 8 months ago I could have written your post!

Is your dd crawling yet? Ds didn't crawl till 10 months and was very frustrated about it. Once he got mobile though it made a big difference to how clingy he was, and it has continued to improve.

He still has clingy spells, but on the whole he's growing into a very independent little boy.

I second what pp's have said about back carriers. I have a manduca and it is a total life saver!

OnTheRunFromTheAcademe · 25/07/2013 21:54

Also, I got round the showering thing by having a bath and bringing him in with me. I would leave him wrapped up in a towel on the bathroom floor for a few minutes while I washed my hair. Could you manage something similar?

Original poster

DreamsOfAShower · 25/07/2013 21:55

She's not crawling yet so you've given me hope, thanks!

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Original poster

DreamsOfAShower · 25/07/2013 21:56

Good idea about the baths too - I had been waiting until she could sit up well before trying this, which she can now. I'll give it a go.

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Kithulu · 25/07/2013 22:02

I always did bathing with baby too, it was lovely (apart from the poo incident!) DH would be waiting with a towel, then do a bit of baby massage when I put more hot water in and washed hair.

MelanieWiggles · 25/07/2013 22:06

DS2 was like this. He's 19 months now and is still really clingy. It is exhausting. Sling helped when he was smaller, now some toy trains and a track and TV can buy me some time. Eventually I just had to surrender to it and accept that I can't really do much else when he is awake. The plus side of it is that he is the most gorgeous, affectionate, cuddly child. Not helpful, sorry, but just wanted you to know you're not alone.

I was actually v worried about how he would cope when he went to nursery when I went back to work. It was a complete non-issue - he just found someone else to cling to !

Not all kids are like this btw, if you are worried about having more. DS1 was so independent from day 1 I had to practically beg him for cuddles.

Original poster

DreamsOfAShower · 25/07/2013 22:14

Kithulu There's always that danger I suppose!
MelanieWiggles I'm hoping it means she'll be an affectionate little girl she certainly is now

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happyyonisleepyyoni · 25/07/2013 22:23

My DD is 2.5 and if anything the clinginess is getting worse :( please let this phase end soon! It's like no one told her the umbilical cord got cut....

MelanieWiggles · 25/07/2013 22:27

Yes sometimes I think DS would happily climb back into the womb

at least it would be hands-free

Meringue33 · 27/07/2013 04:59

Is she clingy all day or does it get worse as the day goes on?

Following advice on here I use slow cooker - prepare food while DC is in good mood in morning, as by 5pm there's no chance of a peaceful 20 mins

PoppyAmex · 27/07/2013 05:33

I showered holding DD every night and DH would fetch her halfway while I then washed myself.

DH would dry her and dress her and I'd be out in time to brush her hair and teeth.

Killed two birds in one stone and became a lovely routine for the three of us.

Then she became too heavy and wriggly and we graduated to baths but by then she was ok so I could put her down.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 27/07/2013 20:33

I've been there, it should get better once she starts crawling but be prepared for some super clinging moments when she is a toddler.

I bought a backpack as she got too big for a sling and hated the pram. I would chuck her in it while preparing dinner. It seemed to work ok.

Original poster

DreamsOfAShower · 27/07/2013 20:35

Meringue33 it varies from day to day but she's usually less clingy around lunch (inbetween her two naps); this is often our only chance to go out. Although I like your slow cooker idea I've been thinking of resurrecting ours.

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ladypop · 27/07/2013 21:26

There's a section in The Baby Whisperer solves all your problems (p80-83 in my edition) on separation anxiety and a case study where she explains the advice she gave. Your post just made me think of it as I am reading it at the mo. might be worth a look x

Original poster

DreamsOfAShower · 27/07/2013 21:40

Thanks ladypop

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Phlojo · 27/07/2013 21:50

If it's any consolation to anyone, my clingy baby has grown up to be, at 13, perfectly independent but still very affectionate and cuddly. It's a lovely thing in a teenager.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo · 27/07/2013 21:53

at that age my kids could sit nicely in the floor of the shower and play with some toys while i got on with getting clean. they really enjoyed it, and it generally tired them out as well so they'd go for a nap afterwards.

DIYandEatCake · 28/07/2013 02:51

Dd was like that. I showered while she slept, and made food that was very quick to prepare (sandwiches, that fresh pasta that cooks in 3 minutes, beans on toast...). I ate lots of meals with her sitting on my knee.
Things got a bit better when she could crawl, and again with walking - though for quite a while I still couldn't cook/do housework without her clinging onto my legs and howling!
She is 2.4 now and much more independent - though still frequently asks for 'mummy cuddles' which is lovely. Hang in there, it will get better.

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