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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Is it reasonable to expect a 3yr old...

27 replies

rabbitrabbit · 09/06/2006 10:20

...to amuse himself for a short while.
I'm in the mood for a bit of a rant so I'm trying to rein myself in-but do you expect a 3yr old to amuse themselves for half an hour whilst you get on with things you need to do?
I've spent the last God knows how long trying to get my ds to stop following me into every room in the house and amuse himself whilst I get on with things.

Do your children play whilst your busy? If I try to do something other than give him my total attention at the moment then he either does things that he knows I don't want him to do (things where I'm worried he'll hurt himself so I then have to intervene) or jumps all over me.

Sorry-its beginning to drive me insane. He gets my total attention at all other times and we're always doing things but I'm trying to teach him to amuse himself as I think he needs to know this for school etc-am I the one getting it all wrong?!
TIA

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

dinosaure · 09/06/2006 10:22

Have you tried teaching him to play the little computer games on the CBeebies website? Very addictive, so much so you might never get back on mumsnet again!

tessasmum · 09/06/2006 10:24

I've just had mine playing with Playdoh on the kitchen table whilst I washed up. Doesn't always work tho and she seems to go through 'I want your sole attention' phases too.

Piffle · 09/06/2006 10:25

my dd amuses herself lots of the time so yes, my ds was very attnetion demanding though

FlameBoo · 09/06/2006 10:27

She'll amuse herself fine if I am on here.... Try and do anything that actually needs doing though, and she "wants me".

Tis quite handy though - by coming on here I'm helping her with her independence!

popsycal · 09/06/2006 10:28

ds1 is almost 4 and has only just started to amuse himself
he still has periods in the day where he wants my full attention

the only things that sustain his attention for ore than 20 mins are: cbeebies website, a pile of books and colouring pages, sandpit in garden, car garage fisher price whatsit

SecurMummy · 09/06/2006 10:31

Yes mine do/did amuse themselves at this age, but only when they wanted to, it is a skill that needs to be learnt as is applying the skill when other people want you too.

Try getting him into something (like the Cbbebies games) and set him up, leave him whilst you make a cuppa then come back and tell him how nice it was to make a cuppa whilst he was happily playing his game.

Later on say you are just going to make a bed/clean the bath or some other quick but slightly longer job and repeat the process - isn't it much nicer to play your game whilst mummy does all the boring jobs, thank you so much for leting me get things done quickly.

As with anything, build slowly, praise lots, always explain clearly and be prepared for the occasional setback. It helps if you can start off doing htings in the same/next room so that they are not worried that they can't hear you IYSWIM.

I am quite sure he will learn - it is very frustrating when they are clingy, but you can turn it around.

morningpaper · 09/06/2006 10:35

I agree, it is skill that you need to teach him

When mine was younger (she is 3.5) I would spend ages playing "with her" e.g. with toys, dolls, dollhouses, making up stories etc., showing her how to do imaginative play - teddy bears picnics, schools with Barbie, shops

SO dull but now she will self-entertain pretty much all day

FlameBoo · 09/06/2006 10:36

Ooh, magic painting books are good ones - the just need arming with a paintbrush and water and can paint happily without you worrying about wall painting whilst your back is turned!

wannaBe1974 · 09/06/2006 12:42

My ds is also very good at amusing himself but again it's one of those things that doesn't always happen. Agree with previous poster, set him up with something he's never done before, I try to keep mine away from the computer as I'd never get him away from it, but generally I can amuse him with things that generally live in the cupboard and which mummy has to get out like playdough. Cbeebies if I'm desperate, but recently he's taking to watching "monkey business" on animal planet while I'm having a bath/getting dressed. HE then sits in our bed and I can just do ttuff around him and he's perfectly happy.

LadyCodofCOdford · 09/06/2006 12:43

yes buy her leapad

NotQuiteCockney · 09/06/2006 12:51

I think it's reasonable to expect a 3 year old to do this ... but only if they're not a first-born.

Original poster

rabbitrabbit · 09/06/2006 12:52

He is the one and only! How did you guess

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 09/06/2006 12:53

My eldest is 4.5, and only recently has he got competant at entertaining himself on his own (he'll draw, or flip through books). My younger one is 20 months, and he's already excellent at keeping himself busy.

Original poster

rabbitrabbit · 09/06/2006 12:56

Hello everyone. Thanks for all the advice.

I've already tried some of them but will try them again, and will definitely try the new ideas!
It's reassuring to know that he's not the only one-one of his little friend's has a nanny 5 days a week and he plays more or less constantly on his own (that's not what I'm trying to acheive either btw) so I wondered if perhaps it was something we should be more focused on.

I think its another learning curve isn't it

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 09/06/2006 12:57

I use:

story tapes while strapped into high chair

salt shakers on tray, filled with sand

heuristic bits and bobs like kitchen utensils, straws, pine cones etc (open ended sort of play usually leads to some imaginative game they can get quite engrossed in)

'helping' me - a damp j cloth with instructions to clean something usually very popular, or wiping round the bath

standing up at the sink with the tap running, either some bathroom odds and ends to play with, or some plastic pots / wooden spoons etc to wash if at the kitchen sink

NotQuiteCockney · 09/06/2006 12:58

My mother used to swear by putting us in the (empty) bathtub, with pouring cups and a lot of chocolate chips.

FrannyandZooey · 09/06/2006 13:00

and

Can we play that if we come to stay, NQC? :o

Original poster

rabbitrabbit · 09/06/2006 13:00

actually I'm off to the bathtub with a box of maltesers!

OP posts:

NotQuiteCockney · 09/06/2006 13:06

You'll be surprised to hear, F&Z, that I don't actually use that method.

It's funny, though, as sweets were Banned when I was a child. I suspect the chocolate chips in the bathtub game predated my mom coming down with diabetes?

NotQuiteCockney · 09/06/2006 13:07

Oh, but you could try with quinoa, I guess? In the new bathtub? (I can't wait! Our neighbour's bathtub is a strange short one, although decently deep. It seems churlish to complain about it, though.)

blueshoes · 09/06/2006 13:13

Dd 2.8, first born, at most will amuse herself for 5 mins 1-2 times a day at a time that suits her. Otherwise, I have to be physically there with her in the same room and either actively participating or, if she will allow for quick bursts, moving/doing housework around her.

Dd's cousin, also first child, will amuse herself with imaginative games and telly and DVD practically all day long from quite early on. I don't think this is something you can "teach" or "train" because different children are different. Though of course, you can try to encourage it over time.

I think it gets easier once their imagination develops or, as others tell me, once they can read. But otherwise, it is not a crime to want mummy/daddy's attention, though of course, terribly inconvenient when you need to get things done.

As a result, dd spends a lot of time in nursery, where, surprise surprise, I am told she plays by herself a lot!!

TooTicky · 09/06/2006 13:22

We've found playmobil people or similar very successful - little characters that can act out stories. Dolls houses are good for boys as well as girls - if actual dolls are an issue, you can get lovely poseable wooden bear families which don't have any gender-specific connotations (of course little boys aren't aware of stereotyping and have fun with dolls).
Also Youcans, made by meccano I think, ds1 has a set with policeman, robber, dog, police car etc., made of metal, and the facial features, hair, car accessories, money etc., are magnetic so you can put them together in lots of different ways, silly or sensible, and then act out stories.

robin3 · 09/06/2006 13:23

DS1 does but maybe it depends of the activity...we have a Playmobile stables and farm animals then assorted tractors etc. He'll play for maybe as much an an hour at the kitchen table whilst we potter. He does prefer it if you're in the same room most of the time so he can call on your help with tricky manouvers with saddles and things.

Elibean · 09/06/2006 13:37

dd (first born) 2.5 very good at playing alone for long periods with playmobil or similar figures....but not always, depends on her mood. Discovered putting sand on a tray, or on a plastic sheet in garden, then giving her a bundle of flowers/leaves/twigs/playmobil is brilliant: she and her 4 yr old cousin spent TWO HOURS building gardens, beaches and playgrounds the other morning.
Want chocolate chips in my bath now though

Elibean · 09/06/2006 13:38

dd loves water play too, but am in London so running taps not ok....and have lost the plug...

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