3YO says "I want to make Mummy happy"

[Digby10]

My DD has just turned 3. Since having a different key worker at nursery, she now comes out with "I want to make Mummy happy" whenever I tell her off. (I have changed the key worker for this and other reasons)

For example, today she hit me. I think her hitting comes from frustration at not getting a choice. (Today's non choice was sitting in her car seat which she didn't feel like she needed to do. I have explained why everyone needs to use their straps to keep them safe but this wasn't washing!)

Anyway, when she hits, I say " we don't hit because it hurts. I don't smack you and you don't smack me. It's ok to feel cross but we have to use our words to say how we feel feel, not smack people."

DD replies regularly with "I want to make Mummy happy." I really don't like this response S it smacks of emotional blackmail. I've tried explaining to her that's it not about making Mummy happy, it's about being kind to people and they will be kind to you. But DD continues with this response. How do I get this to stop?

Thank you

Try saying " I am happy. But I need you to do X"?

My 3.5 year old does this, although his exact phrase is a yelled "Mummy, have a happy face! A HAPPY face! Don't have a cross face!"

It was probably at it's worst at just turned 3 years old, so I would say just carry on as you are (explaining about kindness).

Ignore it if you want it to stop. Quickest way. Just reiterate the other messages over that. I don't think it's a bad thing that she may consider not hitting if she thinks it will make you unhappy though. You can still persevere with message of kindness etc.

I wouldn't worry about this. You know you are not emotionally blackmailing her and she won't be able to emotionally blackmail you if you don't let her. Basically, don't go looking for any terribly deep significance in what a 3yo says, just go on briskly with what you are doing.

And don't expect everything you do to have an effect at once: an approach isn't necessarily worthless because it takes a few months/years/decades to kick in. Childrearing is work in progress.

Thank you everybody for your kind words and sage advice. I'm taking it all on board. Before I was a parent, I really wasn't sure about using these online parenting forums but now I am truly grateful how other parents share wisdom when you need help! Thank you - Onwards and upwards!